Judging this year’s “Bachelor” contestants

Since, I enjoyed judging the first impressions of “The Bachelorette” cast last year, it’s time to do it again in time for Nick Viall’s season!

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Let’s go, first impressions only…

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-21-45-pm Alexis: Looks like a replica of Jade Tolbert from Paradise season 2. But lookalike factor aside, the aspiring dolphin trainer– I’m sorry, what? Is that code for unemployed? She seems average- very outdoorsy.

Prediction: She won’t make it past L.A. days, if past night one at all.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-25-49-pm Angela: Oh my gosh, it’s Britt 2.0! Wow, season of lookalikes, huh?… And she’s a model, sorry I’m getting Daniel flashbacks.

Prediction: Middle of the pack? I don’t see much substance from the girl who’d love to never have to drive anywhere herself again…

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-28-16-pm Astrid: aka a lookalike of Ashley I’s sister Lauren! Oh my gosh, producers what did you do??? Anyway, she’s now the third girl whose spirit animal is a dolphin!! Um, original thought much? She can’t live without “her mom, phone, lashes, yoga and red wine” aka she’s basic.

Prediction: International for sure, because she’s like every white American woman.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-32-24-pm Briana: Nurse– a good stable career. Seems very sweet, like she’ll make BFFs in the house. OH MY GOSH, SHE WOULD BE A DOLPHIN TOO???

Prediction: Final ten at least.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-34-46-pm Brittany: Seems normal. But, how is she the only one to get a “do you like camping” question? Where did that simplistic question come from? Was it Nick’s idea?

Prediction: Meh, middle of the pack.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-36-35-pm Christen: She’s from Oklahoma— does she know Chad??? Could Nick please ask her? Haha that could be a spinoff! Anyway, why did she say “dig it?” Weird. But, did she say “Wild Mustang” to try and be like Jade Tolbert?

Prediction: International dates.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-39-17-pm Corinne: Seems predictable. And did she say she loves Chicago, because that’s where Nick lives? Come on.

Prediction: I’m not quite sure how long she’ll last, because it seems like Nick likes brunettes (Andi, Kaitlyn, Jen…), but maybe she’ll stick around for a few dates in L.A.?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-41-47-pm Danielle L: She seems very basic as well.

Prediction: International dates maybe?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-43-11-pm Danielle M: Well, she’s age appropriate for Nick. Seems original in her responses… SAD STORY ALERT, she lost her fiance, I’m getting Juilia flashbacks– will I need tissues this season?

Prediction: Hometowns or final three? She seems original and deserving of love. #FortheRightReasons

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-46-05-pm Dominique: AND ANOTHER GIRL WHO WOULD BE OLIVIA POPE. Sorry, I’m getting tired of the repetitive, basic answers. Seems friendly though.

Prediction: A few L.A. dates. (cough cough, diversity quotient? I’m looking at you producers…)

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-48-34-pm Elizabeth “Liz”: Is this Jade Tolbert’s bestie/ maid of honor?? Answers so-so, meh. But she looks personable and nice. Looks like Nick’s type…

Prediction: Final three for sure.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-50-34-pm Elizabeth: She types with the “:)” emoji– is she a teenager? Seems super basic. But, WHY would you say your phobias that “would hinder certain dates??” Um, seems like the producers are planning to use those in deciding on dates, huh?

Prediction: International dates?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-53-30-pm Hailey: But, SHE LOOKS LIKE LACE! Unlike Lace, she seems to really be in tune with herself.

Prediction: L.A. dates?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-55-06-pm Ida Marie: Southern or country girl?? Yup, from Texas. Why does she have a tattoo of her dad’s birthday? Odd. Seems super young, like my age.

Prediction: Can’t get past night one.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-56-44-pm Jaimi: She’s catered the Oscars, that’s cool. For a chef, she’s a super picky eater with her diet plan… Seems normal, I’d root for her…

Prediction: A few weeks. See you in Paradise?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-58-57-pm Jasmine B: Seems friendly, normal. But, if she’s not willing to pursue a man (Nick), why is she here???

Prediction: First international date?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-00-29-pm Jasmine G: Seems basic. Meh, not impressed.

Prediction: Week two or three?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-01-44-pm Josephine: Poor girl, her bio says unemployed… I would never want it to say that, I’d sooner choose some fake hobby than advertise unemployment…

Prediction: She won’t make it past night one.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-03-36-pm Kristina: Well, she looks like Nick’s type…

Prediction: Final three.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-04-45-pm Lacey: OH GOD, if her limo exit is a pun on Lace from last season…. Anyway, watching Dancing With the Stars– good plug, ABC?

Prediction: U.S. travel date 1 or 2?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-14-12-pm Lauren: Looks Like Lauren B a tad. Seems predictable. AND SHE’D BE A DOLPHIN TOO???

Prediction: Hometowns.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-15-59-pm Michelle: Seems nice, personable. Looks very young.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-17-06-pm Olivia: SAD STORY ALERT (her ex was addicted to pills). Meh, kind of forgettable.

Prediction: L.A. dates? U.S. travel date?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-18-47-pm Rachel: Good stable career, age-appropriate. Seems like a Right Reasons girl, but IDK what Nick will think of her…

Prediction: International date 1?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-20-14-pm Raven: Getting a “wrong reasons” vibe from her photo alone…

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-21-40-pm Sarah: Giving me Lauren H vibes, or is that just due to her being a teacher? Did she just quote “Annie” or did she really move to New York broke??? Sweet disposition.

Prediction: Um, international dates for sure.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-23-50-pm Susannah: Meh, average.

Prediction: International date 1?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-25-06-pm Taylor: One word answers, aka forgettable.

Prediction: Night two?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-27-57-pm Vanessa: Seems normal. But, yet really interested in the idea of a promise ring…

Prediction: She’ll stay a few weeks in L.A.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-29-33-pm Whitney: I can’t tell if this pose is leaning more villain/model or really shy to me?? Generic answers.

Prediction: Final three, maybe?

Well, this was way more fun to do with JoJo’s guys. This was boring. Nick’s girls are forgettable. No clear standouts either way… I guess I’ll have to watch more in January for Nick’s redemption shot, and what will likely be a third time to pick out a ring with Neil Lane!

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