My First Impressions on the 30 Men Who Will Date ‘The Bachelorette’ This Summer

I’ve been falling off the Bach Nation wagon in recent years. First, Arie, Colton, and Peter bored me so badly I had to quit watching. Then, there was the hot mess that was Clare/Tayshia’s season, which was followed by the massive sex-shaming, bully-centric season that belonged to Matt James. And it’s all gotten to be too much to handle. Though, James’ contestant Katie Thurston (AKA TikToker @ventwithkatiee) was a beacon of light for anyone who had to endure his entire season with her funny quips and actions to stand up to the bullies. So, we were glad to hear the network made the only acceptable choice to cast her as the next lead.

Will I watch? I don’t know if I’ll make it past Night One again, but I guess for the sake of tradition, I’ll give it a try. And, speaking of tradition, I’m back on this blog to share my raw first impressions of the 30 men that were cast and vetted to date Katie on national TV. With the official cast bios out, keep reading below as I share what I think about each contender based on their headshot, name, age, hometown, job, and ABC’s definition of “fun facts.”

Aaron, 26, Insurance Agent

His bio calls him a “strapping young man,” which blech. Apparently, there’s more to the San Diego native than meets the eye — and bring on the cliches. He works in sales, but loves the outdoors, surfing, swimming, and lifting weights. All in all, I get a basic twentysomething dude vibe here.

He claims to be thoughtful, sensitive, and ambitious which all sounds great, but what guy wouldn’t say that try and land a girlfriend? Apparently, his only flaw is that he’s a procrastinator, but I’m sure with a little more time I could find more. *squints at this photo with intensity*

Also, he has a neck tattoo, but the ABC photo editing software seems to be quite adept at airbrushing because I don’t see it.

Can We Just: He fears an animal that’s extinct. Well, hun, good news, it can’t bother you.


Andrew M, 31, Deputy District Attorney

We’re already off to a good start with a right-reasons age and a stable job for this Cali boy, based in Newport Beach. Yada yada yada, he loves his job but is more than just a DDA. He coaches youth water polo because he used to play pro in Hungary (who knew they were great at water polo?) and loves adventure. Oooh, he “LOVES” to play pranks: all caps. And at age 31? Red flag.

Oh, spoke too soon: He actually “Tebowed” on the stage at his college graduation. Oh, Katie, please save yourself.

Can We Just: He openly admits that he “loves to sample men’s fragrances from magazine inserts.” One, why would you admit that? And two, how is that a “fun” fact?


Andrew S, 26, Pro Football Player

Coming all the way from Vienna, Austria (by way of Chicago), fans have already noted Andrew No. 2’s cousin is none other than footballer Clay from Boring Becca’s season. Sooo, Dale vibes? Or wrong reasons ones? Too early to call on this one.

He is open that he really wants to get married and have five children. Excuse me, your poor future spouse; I hope she’s okay with that. He’s close with his 96-year-old grandma, so cue the hearts of Bach Nation women melting, I guess?

Can We Just: His go-to party trick is “imitating accents from around the globe” and eesh that could go south real quick, hun.


Austin, 25, Real Estate Investor

This is one of our class babies, and he’s from Mission Viejo in Cali. He’s a house flipper with lofty aspirations. He’s described as smooth, funny, and handsome, which like who actually says that about themself?

He’s openly admitting that he’s dated “many” women, but none serious enough for him. Poor girls, I hope they didn’t think so. And like most basic AF dudes, he just wants to find his Queen Bey to his Jay-Z. No. Just no.

Can We Just: He really loves his white shoes and fears something spilling on them. Oh, please, capture this on the show??


Brandon, 26, Auto Parts Manager

First off, producers really did him dirty because that is one awful hairstyle. I don’t even know where to start. Anyway, he’s from Queens and is “quirky, intelligent, and unapologetically himself,” which that’s nice. You do you, hun.

IDK what his bio is, but “He attended Northwestern University where he says he learned to outgrow behaviors that limit his progress as a person” and “He currently spends most of his weekends at home working on a new skill he’s trying to develop.” Where do you think you are?

He does want an equal partner in life, but he *needs* a woman who “understands the importance of putting in effort.” Like with her appearance? I’m making a face right now since you cannot see me typing this.

Can We Just: He loves an *occasional* rave and riding a motorcycle, but really hates overpriced restaurants. Which like, he wants effort but won’t take you to a nice dinner? I’m confused.


Brendan, 26, Firefighter Trainee

He’s our token Canadian this year! Hailing from Toronto, he loves enjoying life to the fullest, and oh hello, more cliches. He’s training to be a firefighter if you couldn’t tell because he wants to make a positive difference in his community, which that’s sweet. Cannot deny that.

He wants a partner with banter, which don’t we all, hun, and who’s adventurous with an open mind. He loves being clean and organized, which dude is racking up points quickly in my notebook.

Can We Just: He really doesn’t like vegetables. Um, how is that a fun fact?


Christian, 26, Real Estate Agent

This Boston boy is a big-time romantic and family-oriented. But, not humble. Oh no, he revealed that he’s quite the professional success, having sold more than $25 million worth of real estate. Yea, he does look a little slick like many agents. Blech.

He just wants to find his best friend and someone to go through life with, which like who doesn’t? His ideal girl can keep a promise. That’s your main thing?

Can We Just: He loves parades! Fun fact how? Also, he boasts that he “rocked” a fauxhawk as a kid. Dude, you’re an adult move on from the past, yea?


Cody, 27, Zipper Sales Manager

First things first, what is a zipper sales manager? Does he just sell zippers or is Zipper the name of the company he does sales for? Need more information, please.

So, Cody’s from San Diego, has a six-pack, surfs, and is a romantic gentleman. Blech, please don’t talk about your abs already, I hardly know you. He’s an Eagle Scout, which that’s nice. Oh, oh no: “When Cody falls, he falls hard.” I foresee a rough, clingy journey ahead for Katie.

Can We Just: His favorite TV series is The Jersey Shore. Which, a real fan would know there’s no “the” in the title. Also, out of every single show??


Connor B, 29, Math Teacher

Hailing from Nashville, Connor with two N’s is lovable, quirky, and charming who teaches math in middle school: how adorable. He has a master’s in medical physics and has previously been a nuclear engineer, which, like damn: he’s smart and nerdy. I like it.

OK, I’m surprising myself because I don’t see a single red flag??? He wants a partner who can share his zest for life, is genuine and kind, is accepting and open-minded. He owns his own tux, which, like, cutie. Like, where is he hiding? Why haven’t I met someone like him? Katie, don’t let him go. He’s the one man out of 30 (including a box, see below) that I actually like as a competitor. He’s the Ivan (my birthday twin, just saying) of this year’s crop of suitors!

Can We Just: He claims “he can eat cereal faster than anyone,” which how and why do you want to know that?


Conor C, 28, Former Baseball Player

Apparently, one Connor isn’t enough because we have two, except this one has only one N in his name. He lives in Costa Mesa, Cali and is a *barf* “athletic stud with a heart of gold.” He loves the beach but wants to move back home to Oklahoma with his wife by his side. He’s looking for a “giver” and is always up for a good time, whether it’s bowling or an intimate night at home. *coughs* Those are the only options for date night?

Religion is important to him, and growing up he loved wearing puka shell necklaces. I’ve seen enough.

Can We Just: He shares a birthday with Matthew McConaughey. What? He didn’t do anything for that, that’s by chance.


David, 27, Technical Product Specialist

He seems normal. He lives in Nashville but is from New York, and is a first-generation American. He’s looking for a driven and intelligent woman with quiet confidence.

He did debate in high school, is an *NSYNC fan, and digs NYC pizza. All relatively normal.

 

Can We Just: If you’re such an *NSYNC fan, you should know how to stylize it in print. Just saying.


Gabriel, 35, Entrepreneur 

He looks like some suave Frenchman, which I’ve yet to decide if that’s a good thing. He’s based in Charlotte and is quite the “Renaissance man,” apparently.

Well, he has a lot of passions, including finding forever love, which blech. He says he’s introspective, creative, and confident. He’s looking for a woman who’s stimulated by intelligent convos and knows herself.  Eh, seems fine?

Can We Just: He “doesn’t understand the concept of athleisure” and believes that “people should respect elegant styles of the past.” Which, WTF does that mean? So, ladies, red alert because you can’t wear your leggings around this man.


Garrett, 29, Software Marketing Manager

We can’t have The Bachelorette without one Garrett! He’s from Salinas, California, and loves his marketing career. He wants a woman who is caring, intelligent, and is a critical thinker.

He has a five-year-old German Shepherd named Archer and describes him as a “very good boy.” Awww, pics please???

First red flag: He claims to be a “YOLO type of guy.” If you say, ‘YOLO,’ that’s the red flag part, sweetie.

 

Can We Just: He’s not a fan of tangy food. How is that fact fun??


Greg, 27, Marketing Sales Representative

This New Jersey dude is also suffering from a Bad Hair Day, eesh. And oh no, do I see the words “Greg is the full package?” Oh, good lord. So apparently, he’s handsome, kind, vulnerable, and serious about settling down.

He calls himself a hopeless romantic, like every other dude here. His perfect first date is something active (hard pass, hun) like “riding bikes, dancing, or going to a concert.” HOW IS GOING TO A CONCERT ACTIVE???? Also, he wants at least SIX kids, good lord.

Can We Just: I think it might be that he thinks going to a concert is an “active” date or doesn’t know how grammar works.


Hunter, 34, Software Strategist

Hunter’s from Houston and is one of two single dads on this season. He’s described as expressive, passionate, and outgoing and something about him gives me Evan Bass vibes. He has two kids and is a romantic. He claims to be known for writing love letters and give his crushes mixtapes or flowers. That’s sweet. What will he bring Katie one for Night One then?

So, he’s never ridden a horse, but “REALLY” wants to. So, like he wants a horseback riding date? Or at least a cowboy-themed one?

Can We Just: He’s openly admitting his favorite pastime is people-watching. Why would you admit that you basically like stalking?


Jeff, 31, Surgical Skin Salesman

OK, let’s get this over with. I understand that he sells artificial skin for surgeons to use in the O.R., but, like, surely he has an actual job title that sounds less creepy??

IRL, he’s from Jersey City and comes from a big Italian family. So apparently, he’s energetic, outgoing, and loving. He’s seeking an adventurous woman with a sense of humor. IDK, I’ll think I’ll pass on this guy, Katie.

Can We Just: He calls himself an “exceptional lover,” which like NO HE DID NOT. OH, HE DID. WHAT. That’s a bold statement, which, also makes me want to gag. Can we get an ex in here to corroborate then?


John, 27, Bartender

Oh brother, we do not need another pilot on this show. John’s from Pacific Beach in Cali and is quite the thrill-seeker, who’s even studying for his pilot’s license, surfing, hitting up EDM shows, and jumping out of planes. Ew, nope.

He’s a vegetarian and is also a romantic looking for someone genuine, honest, and willing to challenge him to be a better version of himself. Oh, we’re going there with turn-ons, too, ooookay then.

 

Can We Just: Loving the smell of fireplaces? Weird fun fact, right?


Josh, 25, IT Consultant

This Miami-based baby of the class is embracing his inner Matt James (AKA he’s wearing a turtleneck here). So, he claims to love hard, is humble, and is kind-hearted yet goofy.

We have another hopeless romantic in the bunch who’s very in touch with his emotions. How many times will we see him cry then this season?

My red flag things: He starts celebrating Christmas months early in October. No. Also, he’s so inflexible that he has to sleep on the right side of the bed at all times.

Can We Just: He *has* to sleep on the right side of the bed.


Justin, 26, Investment Sales Consultant

This tall and handsome painter is a self-proclaimed catch, which like blech. He hails from Baltimore and is specifically looking for a girl who’s passionate about fitness. Hahaha, nope. Thanks for playing, hun.

Oh, what do you know? He’s also a romantic and wants to find a meaningful physical and emotional connection with our girl Katie.

IDK, don’t have much of an opinion on him.

 

Can We Just: He doesn’t like to dance at all. But, will he dance though?


Karl, 34, Motivational Speaker 

If you remember, he was supposed to go on Clare/Tayshia’s season but was cut. So, welcome back, I guess?

Karl’s based in Miami and is quite charismatic and confident, who’s still “looking for his forever love.” Oooh, red flag alert: commitment-phobic because work’s outweighed personal life.

Meh, IDK quite the boring bio if I’m being honest.

Can We Just: His favorite holiday is New Year’s Day, and I think he’s the only one?


Kyle, 26, Technical Recruiter

So, Karl and Kyle are both Floridians, so my memory is going to be scrambled trying to remember both of them just by name.

He’s looking for a rom-com love, which I see why you are here now. He’s also a hopeless romantic and is ready to settle down and start a family. At 26? Maybe it’s my skewed sample in NYC but like do those guys actually exist at that age?

 

Can We Just: He hates mayo and mustard, which that is not a “fun” fact.


Landon, 25, Baseball Coach

Hailing from Dallas, apparently, he’s a kind, handsome, and outgoing guy who’s ready to settle down. LOLOLOL this line, “After a very successful collegiate basketball career, while working hard to receive his master’s degree in global business, Landon is finally ready for marriage and children.” Like, school’s done? Time to pop out some babies? Also, is that code for he has no real ambition?

Noo, oh, no: He’s also a “strong lover,” guys, BLECH. Why would you say this???

Can We Just: He’s a Belieber hahahahah! Do we still say this word?


Marcus, 30, Real Estate Agent

He’s from Portland, Oregon, so he’s the closest to where Katie is. But, proximity doesn’t always mean anything. So, he’s sweet with a calming presence, which that’s nice.

He’s successful in business yada yada, looking for someone smart and ambitious, that tracks. He loves board games, and Monopoly is his favorite. Oh sweetie, red flag, that’s like the worst and most annoying one.

Can We Just: He’s an “amazing” lover too. Why would you want to put this out to the world? Also, can we get an ex to actually answer if it’s correct?


Marty, 25, Dancer

What type of dancer is this Reno-based dude? Like Broadway-caliber, a Chippendales situation, or like a club patron-goer? I need answers, people.

So, he apparently has lots of energy and confidence, and a necklace just as long too. Oh gosh, he “loves to show off his rockin’ bod,” which, NO.

 

Can We Just: He has a self-declared tagline, which is “Marty brings the party.” Double red flag.


Michael, 36, Business Owner

Here’s our second single dad of the bunch and it’s Michael from Akron, Ohio. He mentioned his kid’s age and name, which like no, you don’t care about his privacy? Oh ok, just checking.

His life is apparently fulfilling and he is ready to find someone to share it with. He’s looking for someone witty with a sense of humor and is compassionate and resilient. Good qualities. Definitely get a right-reasons vibe from him, that’s for sure. Also, please bring Dino Nuggets for Night One.

Can We Just: He “makes a mean plate of Dino Nuggies.” And either if that’s because he’s a dad or he just like nuggets, I can roll with that.


Mike, 31, Gym Owner

We’ve got a Michael and a Mike. Mike is from San Diego, is apparently religious and (red flag alert) owns a gym.

So, he’s a former baseball player in the MLB, like the one-N Conor! He’s definitely very into his faith, evident from his bio and cross necklace. So, he’s quite easygoing, social, and goofy yet disciplined. He wants a woman who likes to stay active (buh-bye) and make him laugh.

Hahahah so he calls himself basic, well, I’ll call you basic, too. For sure.

Can We Just: He doesn’t like dessert AKA a monster. That’s all. You may see yourself out, hun.


Quartney, 26, Nutrition Entrepreneur 

He’s from Dallas, and I’m not sure what a “nutrition entrepreneur” is and how that’s different from like a gym owner, but you know, I’m cool not knowing.

So, he’s apparently ready to put it all out there for love, well, have you seen the group dates? You’re in the right place for that. He’s called compassionate, caring, and honest who likes making big romantic gestures. But what will his limo exit be??

Oh wow, so he “loves to daydream about having a family and says that the number one thing he is looking for is someone to be an amazing mother to his future children.” But, um maybe don’t bring that up Night One. Just a helpful hint. It does say “idea of a perfect nightcap is a robust bonfire with s’mores, music and dancing,” which does sound good, so you get one point for a good idea. I’ll give you that.

Can We Just: “Scuba diving is at the top of Quartney’s bucket list.” That’s not a fun fact about you, that’s what you’d like to eventually do one day.


Thomas, 28, Real Estate Broker

Hailing all the way from Poway, Cali, Thomas believes everything happens for a reason, and oh good, we’re back to an excessive use of cliches. Cool cool.

Other than that, he’s looking for companionship and really loves food. Like really loves it. A lot. A lot a lot. Have you gotten the memo yet? Just really want to drill home that Thomas loves food and considers it his love language. He can even dedicate an entire half-paragraph to talking about it.

Oh no: He used to “rock” Ed Hardy back in high school. I don’t like the sound of that.

Can We Just: “Thomas often wonders if The Rock really can eat everything he posts on Instagram for his cheat meal days.” THIS IS NOT A FUN FACT. A FUN FACT IS SUPPOSED TO TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.


Tre, 26, Software Engineer

Tre’s coming to meet Katie all the way from Covington, Georgia as the “handsome catch with the huge heart.” Have we heard that line already? Can’t recall but sounds familiar.

So, he’s family-oriented, kind, outgoing, and open-minded. Nice qualities. He wants a strong woman and someone to be spontaneous with. So, his favorite activity is going to brunch with friends and book club. Which, YES. Do they go together? Either way, yes.

Can We Just: He loves the harmonica. Interesting yet odd fun fact. But is it fun?


??????, ??, Box

Everything is literally described with “??????” I know we saw someone wheel this in on Night One, and presumably, a person is in there. But, like, who thinks they are a present for Katie? Gross, I just threw up in my mouth a little writing that line.

Can We Just: We have no information. Who thinks they are, like, God’s gift to women and this show? Because NO. Hard pass.

Updated: My First Impressions on 40 Women Who May Date Matt James on ‘The Bachelor’

Yes, you read that correctly. Just a week before we started Clare’s (er, and Tayshia’s? Maybe? Who knows?) Bach journey on TV, the reality TV juggernaut dropped a handful of 40-plus women who may end up vying for the first black Bachelor’s (the extremely eligible nonprofit founder and former footballer Matt James) affections on TV next year.

So, per tradition, I’m back on this blog to dig into my first impressions, and all I can hope and pray that the producers did, like for Clare, bring us more relatable, diverse, and right-reasons people. Now, that producers have granted us access to the names, ages, hometowns, and headshots of these future influencers in training, let my first impressions blog post commence. Obviously, I’ll be basing this post off of first impressions from a photo and whatever info I can Google about each lady for now. But, once we get closer to a premiere and get an official bio and some fast facts from the network, this post may be amended to include more up-to-date deets that they’ll tell us. We have an update, y’all! Each first impression is now amended to discuss the 32 ladies who will be seen vying for Matt’s heart, based on their official ABC cast bios.

Abigail, 25, Client Financial Manager

A bit young on the age scale, but this Salem, Oregon native is giving me all sorts of wholesome vibes. Also, that picture looks like it was definitely her graduation photoshoot from college.

She lives in Portland and works in finance. According to the cast bios, she’s the first hearing-impaired contestant on the show, and I’m always down with the show promoting diverse backgrounds.

Can We Just: Her favorite way to approach a man is by “accidentally bumping into them.” Also, she loooves Calvin Harris “because his beats slap.” ‘Nuff said.

 


Alana, 26, Photographer

Hailing from San Antonio, Texas, I get serious Victoria Fuller vibes from the trainwreck that was Pilot Pete’s season. Now, she leaves in Canada and is very adventurous and independent.

She supports BLM, so she has a soul. That’s good to know.

Can We Just: A self-proclaimed queen of puns. We’ll see about that, darlin’.

 

 

 


Alicia, 24, Professional Ballerina

She’s from Morgantown, West Virginia, and definitely is on the younger age bracket of Matt’s contenders. Like, the cropped sweater, wrist scrunchie, and leopard belt all illustrate that. (She said, typing this while she had a scrunchie on her own wrist.)

She’s a professional ballerina, no, for real. So cool! She’s confident but not sappy, is not one for cheesy pick up lines, and is looking for an intelligent and respectful man. Aren’t we all, hun, aren’t we all.

Can We Just: She has a lot of loves, like every veggie but tomatoes and hot cocoa. I get it. But, it’s a lot of loves.

 


Amber, 30, Nursing Student

Right off the bat, we’re starting off strong in the appropriate age bracket with this Rialto, California lady. From what I can see, she definitely looks like a model slash wannabe influencer with the long blonde locks, big lips, that one-hand-in-her-hair pose, cutoff jean shorts. But, do my eyes deceive me or does she not have a thigh gap. WHICH LIKE PLEASE, finally, at least one contestant who’s not Barbie-thin! All I want to see.

Oh dear god, she’s an actress. Ugh. Producers, why. Stop doing this. OK, so she’s a single mom and is finally ready to focus on herself first.

Can We Just: Her physical type is “MATT JAMES!” Oh lord, can we get security on standby, gracias.


Anna, 24, Copywriter

A girl from Owatonna, Minnesota who looks young. Fresh-faced and authentic, sure, but baby-faced too. She seems friendly, like she’ll be able to make friends with most of the girls in the house.

She lives in Chicago, has a bubbly personality, and works as a copywriter. She also does improv and sells her clothes online. Ick, she was a high school cheer captain and STILL bragging about it.

Can We Just: Terrified of fish AND obsessed with cheese, huh, ok, we really need to have a chat over what constitutes a fun fact.

 

 


Bri, 24, Communications Manager

Woo, they do seem to be serious about more racial diversity! That’s a huge first step, but only a first step. The San Antonio, Texas girl may also be on the younger side, but looks very polished and maybe a bit timid. Which, timid is not the best because shy people go home on Night One.

Shy may be right, because I cannot find any deets about her online. Her bio says she’s “really something special,” and who is calling her that because I need to know. Oh, great she has the job of her dreams, now please don’t quit to be an influencer. I’m begging you. Be normal.

Can We Just: She’s openly admitting that brunching is one of her favorite activities. Sure, it’s a nice meal and all, but your favorite thing to do, ehhh…


Brittany, 23

Another baby for the class! Hailing from Chicago, she looks like any typical college student or recent grad. She looks like the girl who claims not to wear makeup, but actually wears 12 different products that make her look like she’s not wearing any cosmetics.

A model, DJ, and athlete. Of course. I’m rolling my eyes. Gah, producers, real people! That’s what we want. Not influencers in training.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 


Carolyn, 30, Journalist

An East Coaster all the way from Newburyport, Massachusetts is on the way! She’s clearly got an edgy streak, what with an arm of different tattoo designs. IDK, there’s something here that I can see could be compatible with Matt, just thinking of the two of them side by side. One FB commenter remarked how at 30, she’s too old for Matt. Hun, she is only two years older than him. Why are we being ageist here??

She actually lives in LA, natch. And she’s a journalist by trade. OK, she’s independent, a serial monogamist, and spontaneous.

Can We Just: She likes postpunk music, and TBH, I have no clue what that is.


Casandra, 25, Social Worker

OK, here’s clearly an aspiring model, but someone Matt would be into maybe?? The Lodi, California gal looks very naturally pretty and I think Matt will definitely see that too.

She works in healthcare in Long Beach, and yea, def beachy vibes here.

Can We Just: Scared of the dark and openly admitting it. Oof, should we tell her about the show’s penchant for haunted house dates yet or nah.

 

 

 


Catalina, 29

Oooh, she’s from Caguas, Puerto Rico. Have we had a PR resident on the show before? She definitely looks like she’s a professional working girl with a real job and benefits, which yay, score one. Ooh, interesting, apparently she’s a past Miss Universe. I wonder what Matt thinks about beauty queens.

In addition to being a beauty queen, she’s an author and an attorney, which impressive.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 


Chelsea, 29, Runway Model

Short hair alert! Apparently, do we need to note this now, because that’s just a rarity for the show, ugh. She hails from Marietta, Georgia and looks personable and normal, and like yea, I’d root for her and Matt.

She’s a model living life in NYC, per IG, but like a LEGIT model.

Can We Just: She loves Hot Cheetos and her fave meal is just snacks.

 

 

 

 


Corrinne, 22, Marketing Manager

Oof, another freaking baby? Producers, what’s going on?? But, this girl, another Corrinne is clearly a model or wannabe model. She’s from Pomfret, Connecticut and I’m getting popular girl vibes for sure.

Has a big family, whom she works for at their Italian restaurant. Oh, and Disney fan!

Can We Just: She once snuck into an abandoned insane asylum at night. Many follow up questions are needed.

 

 


Emani, 25, Realtor

She’s pretty and, like, she would look gorgeous standing beside Matt at the end. That’d be one good-looking couple. She’s from Albuquerque, New Mexico and looks very sweet and genuine.

She works in DC as a realtor, per LinkedIn. Seems very genuine and down to Earth, and is always down for solo dance parties at home. Huh, I knew I liked her!

Can We Just: Isn’t a “lovey-dovey” person which I get, but IDK about that for this show.

 

 


Illeana, 25, Health Food Developer

This girl, first off, needs a better photo because terrible lighting and she’s in shadows. But, also, I can deduce she’s a certain type of snooty, preppy girl because she has a golden cursive name necklace. She hails from South Salem, New York, and everyone remarks how she looks like Colton’s ex Cassie. Which, yikes. Bad flashback, sorry.

She’s a model, an NYC realtor, and co-founder of some healthy snack company. It debuts in 2021 and is called “Funky Monkey Energy,” which so does this season, and is so convenient, darlin’. I’m sorry, hun, but there will only be one CORN on the franchise. She’s described as the “perfect mix of beauty and brains,” and excuse me, I just threw up.

Can We Just: Her bio is just promoting her business. Like, hello, wrong reasons.


Jessenia, 27, Social Media Marketer

Catherine Lowe lookalike alert! She’s from San Antonio, Texas and she seems sweet, genuine, and like she’s here for the right reasons. I’d root for her too.

Apparently, she likes photography and works as a social media manager, thank you LinkedIn. She’s a former beauty queen and has three dogs.

Can We Just: She loves escape rooms. Like on purpose, huh.

 

 

 


Kaili, 26, Hostess

This San Diego, California girl gives me big-time Hannah Ann snooty vibes and like, crap. I don’t want that again. She looks like a mean, popular girl and far too materialistic.

Apparently, she works in hospitality, but that’s all I can find. Her bio sells her as a fun, witty, and charismatic lady.

Can We Just: Daily sunset runs. Bye.

 

 

 


Katie, 29, Bank Marketing Manager

She looks like a tomboy and someone who’s athletic, and I’m not mad at it. From one tomboy to another! She’s from Lynnwood, Washington and looks wholesome and kind.

She’s a TikToker! She has nearly 233,000 followers that people seem to like, but also has a real job it seems.

Can We Just: A fun date for her is going skinny dipping. Girl.

 

 

 


Kennedy, 23

From Washington, DC, but I’m just sick of these lil’ snooty babies. Because this pose gives me wannabe influencer vibes.

She’s a cheerleader for Washington Football. Apparently, she’s a business and tech analyst too and loves tacos. Which, who doesn’t?

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

 

 


Khaylah, 28, Healthcare Advocate

This Bronx, New York native looks like she’s super confident and that’ll turn the other ladies against her. But, that means they are just jelly.

She’s a portrait and fashion photog in North Carolina, based on her website. She’s also quite passionate about health in her community and giving back, which, like good for you.

Can We Just: Only likes camping if it is glamping. Oh, I’m cackling.

 

 


Kim, 28

She’s from Cypress, California, but doesn’t leave much of an impression on me based on her photo choice.

Her IG refers to herself as a “Professional Dumpling,” which um, PLEASE BE HER LOWER-THIRD CAREER, PRODUCERS.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

 

 


Kimberly, 28, Airline Recruiter

A bit #basic, yet still seems down-to-earth, relatable, and authentic. She hails from Lake Tapps, Washington.

Based on IG, she lives in Seattle and works in “corporate America” as a recruiter for Alaska Airlines, according to her LinkedIn. She’s a carefree soul apparently and is funny and loyal. Which, who wouldn’t say that about themselves.

Can We Just: Isn’t afraid of anything unless a man has a foot fetish. Oh, more cackling. I mean, she’s got a point, but like, I don’t know anyone who’d say that is their only fear.

 


Kit, 21, Socialite

It’s the class baby! She’s designer Cynthia Rowley’s daughter, so you know she’ll make it on the show and have killer outfits. She’s from New York City and I definitely get socialite-model-influencer vibes, for sure.

She’s already an influencer, thanks to what I see on her public IG, and she hosts a podcast alongside her famous mama. Ohhh, here’s some tea. She is still active on IG when Matt James already had his phone taken, which either means they haven’t taken her phone in the quarantine period, she got cut already, or someone else is posting on her account for her. I wonder. Admits to having high standards and hates men wearing flip-flops.

Can We Just: She surfs in high heels. Like a true socialite princess she is.


Kristin, 27, Attorney

She’s from Virginia Beach, and she seems confident, self-assured, humble, kind, and I want to root for her.

She’s an associate attorney based in NYC, specializing in “in sports, recreation, entertainment, product liability, and employment and labor litigation.” Well, she and Matt both live in Manhattan.

Can We Just: Oh, are pink roses really the way to your heart or is that a Bach reference you’re trying to make.

 

 


Lauren, 29, Corporate Attorney

Is this photo a little blurry or…?? She hails from Miami and IDK, I just can’t get a good read on her from this average photo.

She’s a lawyer based in Miami, which, we stan a driven woman. She’s in a book club, yay, we love Bach contenders who actually can read.

Can We Just: Terrified of lizards and frogs. Oh, we’ve got a lot of fears happening. Girls, just don’t tell the producers.


Madison, 27

She’s from Granger, Indiana and that makes sense. She gives me fresh-faced, All-American, small-town girl vibes from her friendly smile, modest outfit, natural curly hair, and low-key makeup look.

TEA TIME! Apparently, she already dated Matt last year. According to Reality Steve, the pair dated last summer when his best mate Tyler C. was seeing Zayn Malik’s current love Gigi Hadid. In fact, Madison and Matt were seen together at one of Gigi’s fashion shows, and they dated for a few months. Ooh, Kelley F. vibes anyone?

**No longer a part of this season**

 


Magi, 32, Pharmacist

Watch out, ladies, we’ve got a big-time contender here! IDK why, but I get good vibes from Magi. She’s like model-pretty, but still down-to-earth and approachable. She hails from Adwa, Ethiopia, and I just get the vibe that Matt would be lucky to date her. Also, M and M, how absolutely precious for future monograms. Just saying.

According to her Insta, which thank heavens is public, she’s a pharmacist and started a nonprofit to “help [kids] get 1 pair of shoes to safely walk to school for the entire semester.” Wow, driven and impressive. She’s got beauty and kindness with such an incredible story.

Can We Just: Best surprise was front row tickets to a Beyonce concert. Which like, the only Can We Just moment is HOW. Can you please enlighten us?

 


Mari, 24, Marketing Director

Hailing from Luquillo, Puerto Rico, this young lady gives me serious influencer-in-training vibes. It’s the pose, the fake enthusiastic smile, the stick-straight hair, the huge lips that read as inauthentic to me.

She’s a former beauty queen, who won Miss USA 2019 just two years ago and she’s from or lives in Maryland. Now that her pageant days are over, she has a real job and is looking for someone to settle down with.

Can We Just: Loves to sing but isn’t very good. Kudos for the honesty.

 

 


Marie, 25

Now this Sandusky, Ohio is like a Hannah Ann lookalike, which, oh brother. It may be the matching facial structure, dark brown wavy hair, or cropped off-the-shoulder top. But with all that, she seems more genuine and down-to-earth. Like, I’d be interested to see her thrive in Paradise. If we’ll ever have BIP again? That’s up to COVID, though.

IG stalking bears no fruit, but based on her LinkedIn, she’s a speech pathologist in LA.

**No longer a part of this season**

 


Marylynn, 28, Event Coordinator

Age is right on the money for this Huntington Beach, Cali girl. But, I just get influencer, model vibes again, which, like UGH.

Private Insta, lives in LA, blah blah blah, can you say basic? She’s on TikTok too, but not very active and just posts slow-mo walking vids.

Can We Just: Terrified of sharks, yet she grew up surfing.

 

 

 


Michelle, 27

Hailing from Woodbury, Minnesota, she seems friendly and natural-looking which makes her more approachable. However, I sort of get shy vibes. Which crap, because shy goes home on Night One.

Her IG, while public, only has two photos and she only joined this past April. Can’t find much else, so we’ll be going in blind on the premiere night next year.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 


MJ, 23, Hair Stylist

Baby, baby, baby! She may not be the youngest girl of the bunch, but she looks like one of ’em. She hails from Hudson, Ohio and this photo was definitely her sorority graduation picture, for sure. I mean, you graduate college during a pandemic in one of the worst job markets in history. What else are you going to do besides sit on Mom and Dad’s couch for seven months? Applying for The Bachelor at least gives you something to do, a place to go, and maybe even a future Insta career.

She’s a hairstylist, according to IG, working on “lived-in color + hand-tied extensions” for clients, and she also does spray tans too. Oh, scratch that, she’s apparently a “beauty expert,” ohhhhh.

Can We Just: She loves disco music. That’s her fun fact.


Nicole Remy, 25

OK, she looks like a catch that Matt would be lucky to date! She’s from Lakewood, Washington, and I get authentic, friendly vibes all the way. Like, I can see all the girls wanting to be her friend and Matt wanting to get to know her.

Her IG bio boasts she’s a web developer and a former NFL cheerleader. That’s true, according to LinkedIn, she danced with the Seattle Seahawks for two years. Her colleagues in web development mentioned she’s great at what she does. Which, we love to see a woman being successful at work.

**No longer a part of this season**

 


Nicole Rovner, 31

Seriously, I guess do we need to start a Scrunchie Count this season?? They are all wearing one in their FB bio photos! Nicole R. #2 is from Wilmette, Illinois, but her lower-third will just say Chicago if she makes it on the show.

We’re going in blind here, because her IG is private with no bio and I can’t find anything else about her by Googling.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 


Pieper, 24, Graduate Student

She’s from Happy Valley, Oregon, and has such a baby face. Like, she looks like a baby and also a wannabe influence. Like, she just thinks being an influencer is super cool and dreamy.

She is a model, because of course, based on some agency profiles. Then, according to her LinkedIn, she is a current grad student and is open to finding a new job. Well, maybe not until winter when the show’s done, right?

Can We Just: She doesn’t like picnics because of sitting on the ground to eat. Yes, really.

 


Rachael, 24, Graphic Designer

Oooh, she gives me Hannah Ann vibes. A Southern girl from Cumming, Georgia who’s quite young, up on the latest Gen Z fashion crazes, and dreams of being a #influencer.

Per her Facebook, I definitely get basic recent college grad vibes. She’s a “southern sweetheart” and is a hopeless romantic despite never being in love herself.

Can We Just: She’s “very neat with organization and cleanliness, and messy with plans and schedule,” which like walking contradictions, but, um, sure.

 


Ryan, 25

Hey, it’s definitely her repurposed LinkedIn headshot that she submitted to the producers. No questions. She hails from Mechanicsville, Virginia, where she seems like a young professional. And IDK, I just get the vibe that she’d be one of the early exits. Can’t deduce much about her personality, and also I think producers wouldn’t like that she looks like she’d stay out of drama.

Cool, she’s a dancer who was an Alvin Ailey Scholarship Program recipient and a performer on the show, POSE, according to her IG bio.

**No longer a part of this season**

 


Saneh, 25, IT Consultantnt

I get Alexis vibes from Nick’s season, aka the dolphin-shark girl. She’s from St. Augustine, Florida and looks like she’s empowered, confident, ready for love, and genuinely wants to meet Matt.

According to her Twitter, she lives in Denver where she works as a recruiter, and she went to the University of Florida for undergrad and her Masters. In case you were wondering, we are both connected to the Intern Queen herself, Lauren Berger, on LinkedIn. Wow, she really loves the outdoors.

Can We Just: Ran her first marathon at 16, ugh runners.

 


Sarah, 24, Broadcast Journalist

OKAY, she has to be a model. For sure. She’s from San Diego, California, and she could easily be a doppelganger for Alexis Rose on Schitt’s Creek. 

Per her private IG, her bio indicates she’s a journalist, host, model, and podcast host of the “From Here to Where Podcast.” Her podcast just launched in January, so what a great promo opp this show is, huh? She lives in LA and is big into fitness and empowerment, I guess, and wants a man that prioritizes that too.

Can We Just: TRAINED. FIRE. DANCER. IDK what that is, but um, please be her lower third.

 


Serena C., 24, Flight Attendant

She’s from San Bruno, California and this young lady just has the most precious baby face. Like, she matches the 21-year-olds in terms of youthfulness.

Oh goodie, we’ve got a fashion blogger on our hands here, but she hasn’t posted in a year. Her style is self-described as “contemporary street-style with the occasional bougie but always a little EXTRAAAA.” So, oh boy. Oh, she has a real job too. She’s a flight attendant based in San Fran. She’s a free spirit but high maintenance when it comes to dates and dating it seems.

Can We Just: “Nothing makes her happier than the perfect outfit” sounds quite shallow.


Serena P., 22, Publicist

Another baby comin’ in hot! And our first lady from Canada. She’s from Markham in Ontario, and her outfit’s bringing the edge. She looks like she cannot wait to start her own “Serena’s Style” YouTube channel or something.

According to her LinkedIn, she’s a marketing intern who is looking for FT work in Toronto. She began her internship this August, so did she leave for Bach OR was it a summer thing that ended? So, she’s logical and like sports.

Can We Just: She’s chronically hangry. How is that a fun fact?

 


Sydney, 28, Marketing Specialist

I’m getting so much Rachel Lindsay vibes for Lindsay’s lookalike! She’s a Southern gal from Franklin, Tennessee who seems like she has her priorities in order and knows what she wants, is settled in her career, and wants to find love.

Her IG is also private, but indicates she does marketing in Nashville for a local recruiting company, VACO Nashville. She’s strong and opinionated who won’t settle for just any man.

Can We Just: She loved Twilight, even those it is embarrassing to admit.

 


Talie, 24

This Belmont, North Carolina girl is giving me troublemaker vibes. It’s her pose. It’s the one-hand-on-her-hip, the forced smile, and the tight yellow dress.

According to her private IG, she’s a “recruiter and esthetician.” Her real name is Nitalia, and is also a writer who’s been through some hard shit, according to her blog.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 


Victoria, 27, Queen

She’s from NYC and you can tell she wants to be a singer-songwriter. That’s clearly what this picture is from, right? Her demo tape that she sent to Nashville?

Apparently, she’s relocated to LA, natch, and has since deleted her IG page. How convenient, hmm. She’s launched a few health and beauty businesses and has a big personality.

Can We Just: I mean, her occupation is listed as queen. Dear lord, help us.

Here We Go Again: Judging Clare Crawley’s Suitors on ‘The Bachelorette’ on First Glance [Updated]

Now that many places are starting to come out of quarantine and resume somewhat normal lives, it’s time for Bach Nation to get back on track. The Bachelorette, now set exclusively at a California resort, is set to resume filming with Clare Crawley’s journey with 42 brand-new suitors (sans Matt James for obvious reasons). Right before filming kicked off, the show revealed a sneak peek of the men vying for Clare’s heart. A few things: They did *slightly* age up her men, which thank god. Hopefully, that means less drama and more right-reasons folks. PLEASE. But then, there are only 12 POC contestants. Twelve out of 42 is barely .2 percent. Also, there’s barely any other diversity besides race and age. Like, IRL not everyone looks like models. Come on, ABC.

OK, rant time over. Now, that we have the official names, ages, hometowns, and headshots of these guys, it’s time for my annual thoughts based on first impressions alone. Obviously, I’m basing this post off of first impressions from a photo and whatever info I can Google about each man for now. But, once we get closer to a premiere and get an official bio and fast facts from the network, this post may be amended. (Then, hopefully, I can bring back my favorite “Can We Just” segment.)

Update:  As of September 29, ABC has given us the official lineup of the men that will be on the show, post-COVID quarantine, and their official bios, so we’re back to update this post.

AJ, 28, Software Salesman

Now, this Irvine, California native may still be a bit too naive or young for Clare. But, they do live only six hours apart. Could that help jumpstart a potential future and real life? Based on his photo, he looks very All-American and a picture-perfect white dude.

He has a private Instagram account, so we can’t do much snooping. But his bio reads, “Likable Lothario” which yikes, but also “future stay-at-home-dad.” Huh. It also boasts that he’s a college grad and a current MBA student.

Can We Just: Apparently, he “doesn’t show up to anything without doing his research.” So, how much research did he do on Bach Nation and Clare?


Alex, 28

This El Paso, Texas guy also skews on the younger side of things. Which, IDK. Again, a basic All-American white guy. He does look quite sweet and cute. I can see him being a hit in Paradise.

Another dude with a private Insta, but his bio boasts his interest in health and fitness, “good livin'” whatever he means by that, and that he has two lil pups and is a “dog dad.” If that’s not the definition of basic. He is on LinkedIn too, but only has 63 connections, so I’m not sure if he’s that into his professional career or genuinely doesn’t know how to use LinkedIn. However, his name’s been in the limelight because some eagle-eyed fans spotted that he’s been arrested quite a few times. So, like, ABC, are we doing background checks anymore?

**Not listed on cast bios**


Ben, 29, Army Ranger Veteran (Now, a Personal Trainer)

We’re aging up just a smidge with this Indianapolis guy. (Hey, do you know Ben Higgins? LOL.) Giving me weird hair vibes and I’m not into it.

He also as a private Insta page, but his bio describes him as “your coach.” Excuse me as I go throw up. And apparently, he’s a fitness trainer. Blech times two.

Can We Just: He loves his new job as a PT, blech. Oh, and he loves an ice bath.

 

 


Bennett, 37, Wealth Management Consultant

Here we go, we’re getting the age right! Finally. More men that could be on the same page as Clare. Praise be. He’s from Atlanta and seems bubbly and personable, but for some reason, I’m getting a smarmy vibe that maybe he’s too perfect?

Insta gives us no clues, but LinkedIn does. He’s a professional living in NYC with a real-life adult job. So, one step already. I thought I saw a too-perfect vibe, and I was right. His LinkedIn headshot, a degree from Harvard, yea, I feel that I was definitely right. I’m just confused: he graduated in 2007, and then immediately became a Senior VP for a major corporation in finance? I just have questions or he has no clue how LinkedIn works and inputted dates wrong. I’d give him a chance though because this picture from Facebook shows kind eyes and a smile. So, I guess maybe you can’t always judge a book by its cover. But, not even if it’s a slick one??

Can We Just: He calls himself the total package and hasn’t pursued a girl since high school, and pass.


Blake Monar, 30, Grooming Specialist

Another Indiana guy and he is tatted up. Seriously, his arms are covered. His hair’s doing a weird swoopy, pompadour thing which, eh. And I just get a bad boy, drama-centric vibe. But thanks to the network for giving us his last name that makes my sleuthing job much easier. Turns out, he is the President and CEO (humble much?) of a men’s grooming business in Phoenix called Statum Style. Oh no, is he a Nick Viall 2.0? Oh, and he models. Great.

Thanks to his modeling agency in Phoenix, we know now his height, measurements, eye color, and shoe size too, LOL. Oh, and in case you cared, his company Statum Style is all-natural.

Can We Just: “Blake Monar loves pancakes.” Enough said.


Blake Moynes, 29, Wildlife Manager

No, we really have two Blake M’s??? Ok, he doesn’t have tattoos and is from Ontario. So, we have Tatted Blake and Canadian Blake. That helps. In a shock to no one, this tall Canadian prospect was apparently a hockey player in college. Thank you, Google.

He has no known Insta page, which makes my quest for info more difficult. So, I guess we’re going in blind here. He works with endangered animals, which is so cute and sweet. How lovely.

Can We Just: Ninja Turtles! Yea, he really loves ’em.

 

 


Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Wow, he looks a little intense. This Cleveland, Ohio dude apparently doesn’t smile in casting photos and it makes him less than personable. Also, this is totally a photo you’d find on his Tinder. Oh someone, please come through and confirm this. Looks like a model or something, which, pass.

Based on his Insta, also private, he’s a luxury real estate agent and a model based in NYC. According to his firm’s site, he is interested in acting, art and architectural history, traveling, food, yoga, and skiing. I’ve read enough, I’m done.

Can We Just: “An Italian stallion in the prime of his life.” Ick. Oh, and he admits he has “abs of an A-list movie star,” ugh, can he go home now?


Brendan, 30, Commerical Roofer

No, and we have a Brandon and a Brendan? My head hurts already. The Massachusetts guy seems physically perfect and that’s really all I can gauge from a photo.

According to his Insta (still public!), he’s an artist, but like based on the photos, he’s also a model. Geez, we’re screwed then if most of her men are models. Aka classic wrong reasons types.

Can We Just: His friends call him “BMoney.” Just no. Oh, and he likes to rock turtlenecks.

 

 


Chasen, 31, IT Account Executive

He’s also from Cali, and just an hour from Clare. Good or bad, IDK yet. Looks like a model, so yea.

Based on his Insta, he’s into fitness and a tech consultant. Oh yea, and he models too. Because, obviously. But, he does seem to have a legit, real-person job, so there’s that.

Can We Just: He. Wants. A. Golden. Doodle. Puppy. Now, that’s what you put in a bio! Gah, I wanna see the puppy pics once he gets the lil guy.

 

 

 


Chris, 27, Landscape Design Salesman

He’s from St. Louis, Missouri. OMG, where did he go to high school? I need to know. That would supremely help out his first impression. He may bring the median age down, but like I just need to know about his background in my hometown. Would give me plenty of insight.

Other than that, I literally cannot find anything about him on social media. So, I guess, I’m going in blind here too.

Can We Just: He “loves camping, but won’t go for longer than three days at a time.” Um, okay, a bit of contradiction, but alrighty then.

 

 


Collins, 30

He’s from Midlothian, Virginia and his arms are massive and he has an intense (scary?) wide smile.

There’s nothing much I can find on this dude besides his Instagram account or a couple of weightlifting training videos. So, yea, my first impression doesn’t bode well from that. Although it seems like his grandparents were in the hospital four weeks ago, right before he left for ABC quarantine. I do hope everything will be okay, because my stomach would be in knots every day I’m on a reality show knowing something could happen back home while I’m on the opposite coast.

***Not listed on cast bios**

 


Dale, 31, Former Pro Football Wide Receiver

He’s from Brandon, South Dakota, and is that a first for the show?? He seems nice and normal. While his IG is private, turns out he’s VERIFIED already. He’s actually a former NFL player and now is a model and a host, plus an ambassador for the Special Olympics. He’s giving me Clay vibes but like I’d actually root for him. That smile and he doesn’t seem too cocky, just the right amount of normal. Yea, I’m on his team. If Clare doesn’t pick him, can he be the Bachelor lead after Matt James? I’d watch that season.

Can We Just: His favorite game is Hungry Hungry Hippos, well, I didn’t know that.

 

 


Demar, 26, Spin Cycling Instructor

Hey, look a baby for the class! He’s from San Diego and I just get a feeling that he’s still in that party, going out stage of life. Based on his IG, I was a little nervous about the @djfromsocal handle, that he’d be a tool or a cocky DJ but it’s just his initials. He’s educated with a Bachelors and a Masters. Yay, we stan driven contestants! Except hold your horses, his bio advertises something called the Madison, which is a “Party on a Bike: partying you won’t regret the next day.” Oof, I retract my previous affirmative stance. Oh, and he models too. Ugh.

Can We Just: Dream job is a DJ on the Vegas Strip. Cough cough, wrong reasons.

 


Ed, 36, Healthcare Salesman

Age-appropriate, yes. But, geez, his arms. They are massive and the veins are popping out. Good lord. So clearly, this Pittsburgh guy works out a lot. I can’t seem to find any other deets on this dude, but my gut is saying no. I’m getting like a Chad meets Jed vibe, which is like the biggest red flag EVER.

Can We Just: He loves all-inclusive resorts, so I guess this is the perfect season for him, huh?

 

 

 


Ellis, 26

Oh, look at lil’ ginger baby Ellis. The 26-year-old from Libertyville, Illinois has quite the baby face, which hinders me from seeing him as someone ready for marriage and a lifetime commitment. You know, Ellis, it’s hard to stalk, erm you know, research you when your name is the same as a street in your town. Gah, whatevs for now.

His IG presence is private, yet gives me a first and last name so I can find out his LinkedIn deets and previous college basketball record. Lol and in case you were wondering, I’m third connections with the Dallas-living sales executive hahahaha.

**Not listed on cast bios**


Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Age is definitely in the right zone with this Fort Lauderdale, Florida dude. Giving me Kenny vibes from Rachel’s season. They look alike in the faces.

Based on his IG bio, Garin is an Emmy-nominated journalist who writes for THISISRNB.com, and is also a host, director, and professor at USC. He’s a freelancer in LA, but hey, same state as Clare. It does say he’s a “nice guy finishing first,” which okay, hun, I can roll with that.

Can We Just: Also, he’s a part-time DJ!

 


Gary, 29

He’s from Cleveland, Ohio, and seems like a professional. Also, the provided Facebook photo looks blurry and I can’t tell much else. Have no strong opinion on him with a blurry photo and no social clues to search.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 


Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

This Dallas guy seems fine, a bit basic. Meh. And definitely on the skinnier side. He’s an engineer, as it said on his private IG’s bio. We’re also third connections on LinkedIn, LOL, but he’s wearing a cute pair of glasses in his headshot and he definitely needs to wear those full time. Glasses can make most guys more attractive. What, it’s true.

Can We Just: “Recovered Croc Enthusiast” should have been his career. Tsk, tsk, producers.

 

 

 


Jason, 31, Former Pro Football Lineman

They are really delivering on the age thing, which thank god. He’s from Rutland, Vermont, and is he our first one? He’s got some large ink on his bicep, so we’ll see what Clare thinks of that. But, he seems genuine and honest, like he’s looking for something real. I’d vote for him to get a couple of roses from Clare.

Another verified Insta dude for Clare. His bio reads, “A regular at Wegmans buffet line and WaWa. URI alum. Former fat guy for the NFL/CFL player.” So, we’ve got another former footballer. He seems basic but a good friend and family guy, which bonus points, man.

Can We Just: He can have fun anywhere he goes. Hm, I’d like to test that, sir, because actually any situation is the question I have for you.


Jay, 29, Fitness Director

He’s from Langhorne, Pennsylvania, and seriously he’s like a Tyler C. clone. I cannot unsee it. Apparently, he’s private on Insta with no real bio and ick, I get bro-y vibes based on his profile photo.

Can We Just: PT, blech. Also, he calls every Drake song a “banger.” So, there’s that.

 

 

 

 


Jeremy, 40, Banker

What? They actually found someone in their forties?? Gobsmacked. He’s from Virginia Beach and aside from the weird Facebook photo seems normal-ish. They better not send him to Paradise with the 20-year-olds from Peter’s season, please no.

His Insta tells me nothing, legit nothing. Just that it’s the same guy because his headshot looks like him, and oh, that he has a little line or something tattooed on his arm. Oh, turns out, he’s got a real job. Score one.

Also, he hates Insta models and his love language is witty banter, so I’m on TEAM JEREMY. Well, for T*****, because Clare rumors.

Can We Just: The producers literally mentioned he’s the oldest contestant ever on the show, so eye roll.


Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Dr. Joe! He’s from North Woodmere, New York, and just seems decent and like he’d be mature.

Thanks to a local news article, they’ve already dug up this dirt on this suitor. He’s an anesthesiologist, which like, a real grown-up job! IDK if Clare’s gonna fancy him but he seems like a stable, mature contender.

Can We Just: He fought and survived COVID. Hero status. And he hates girls who litter. Just a good guy. Just going to leave this here: “He once was voted Top 20 Most Eligible Doctors and Medical Professionals in New York City.”

 


Jordan C., 26, Software Account Executive

He’s from Southington, Connecticut, and he’s got glasses. A four-eyed friend! I think that’s a show first? You know, someone wearing more than just readers in the early hours?

Based on his IG, I’m definitely getting bro vibes. Oh yea, that’s for sure. He’s a big sports guy apparently, which like join the club, man. Meh, nothing else noteworthy to report.

Can We Just: Wants a girl to go to the gym with, man, oh buddy, just when your glasses were starting to win me over…

 

 


Jordan M., 30, Cyber Security Engineer

Geez, how many Jordans too? He’s from Deerborn, Michigan, but there’s something about his vibe that I don’t 100 percent trust right away. He just looks menacing and like he’s mean-mugging. I wish he’d smile, then I could get a better vibe/read off of him.

Different from his mean mug photo, his LinkedIn looks more personable and friendly. Meh, not bad. His official cast photo also looks way better.

Can We Just: His favorite Sunday activity is cleaning, he’s already a winner!

 


Josh, 31

I swear, there’s something in this Minneapolis, Minnesota-based dude’s face that reminds me of a guy that lived on my dorm floor my freshman year of college. Well, I cannot unsee that now. But, dimples alert! OK, back to the real him. He seems normal and basic, a bit too slick, I think. Also, another man with a legit job. Thank god. His Insta claims he’s a doggy dad, and his doggo Kingsley is a precious lil pooch. I mean, he’s a cutie doggy.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 


Karl, 33

I’m pretty sure this Miami guy lives in a high-rise, or at least has a friend in one that lets him take photos there. He also has massive arms.

While his IG is private, I’m getting bad vibes because he put a freaking rose emoji next to his name! Like, he wants to be recognized from the show. No no no! #NoMoreWannabeInfluencers. Aside from that, he’s a speaker and a “success coach” who’s founded his own firm and passionate about that, which you do you, hun.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 


Kenny, 39, Boy Band Manager

Nope, buh-bye. This dude from Oaklawn, Illinois gives me so many red flags, from the muscle tank, tattoo sleeves, shiny forehead (one word: skincare!), huge muscles, and a gelled-up hairstyle. Please, don’t do it, Clare. Consider this my official warning for you. Also, you know this photo was ripped straight from his Tinder profile.

According to his IG, he’s got a bad-boy-looking headshot and he’s a talent buyer, a “band maker,” and a model. GAH, why why why. Also, would like to point out that Chris Harrison has presumably admitted that he saw Kenny naked on the show, so, um just gonna leave that there and run.

Can We Just: He hates cheese, just … just leave right now, sir.


Mike, 38, Digital Media Advisor

Okay, I like this guy from Calgary in Canada. He seems sweet and kind, has nice hair, and a lovely smile. Ohh, Canada. I hope slick former fiance Benoit doesn’t spring to her mind when she meets him. But, I really like this one.

I swear, no critiques here because he’s my top pick and sorta reminds me of Tanner Tolbert, just like a wholesome and nice guy type. His IG doesn’t reveal anything. Wait, noooo, he apparently has a profesh Insta as a “Digital Media Content Creator” with a website that doesn’t exist. Shit, I hope he’s not here to build a brand. Crap, I need him to be a good one and prove my picker is not broken.

Can We Just: He’s a Shania Twain fanboy, haha, yas. We love to see ’em embrace the fangirl life.


Montel, 30

He’s from Hingham, Massachusetts, and has a lovely, very white smile. Almost, distractedly so, like blinding. And damn, he’s a personal trainer. Big into fitness and lifting weights, which makes sense because arms, but like, pass.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 

 

 


Noah, 25

Oh, here’s our little baby of the group! In fact, that’s literally his Insta handle. He’s from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and is definitely here to head to Paradise to meet either Hannah Ann, Madison, or Hannah Brown. Guaranteed.

So, he’s a travel nurse, which like good for him. And apparently, he’s got a twin. In case you wanted to know. He’s um, very religious and kinda preachy.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 


Page, 37, Chef

I’m getting Evan Bass vibes from this Sante Fe, New Mexico guy. I just, but you know, it all worked out for Evan in the end. So, I’m keeping my mouth shut on that. Also, he has a lot of tats and a weird Evan-like slicked-back hairdo. Definitely an artsy, hipster vibe.

Hold the phone, he’s a chef? And like, an acclaimed one at that. Damn, can we get a cooking date? Please, ABC? Also, he’s one of the two single dads this year.

Can We Just: He likes both pizza and caviar, just not together. Um, well, duh.

 


Peter, 32

Another perfect-looking Peter here! Is that a rule or something, like if you name your kid Peter then he has to be perfect-looking?? #PerfectPeterStrikesAgain. He’s from Everett, Massachusetts, and just wow, that is so much physical beauty, objectively. He’s clean-shaven and his hair is coiffed to perfection, different from many of these rugged, tatted-up guys he’ll be living in the resort with.

Professionally, he’s a real estate advisor and very confident in his profesh accomplishments. Like, I can’t look at him because he’s just like too handsome.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 


Riley, 30, Attorney

I just love this Detroit lad’s name. Also he seems down-to-earth and normal. He seems approachable, friendly, and chill. Like he’d have your back. No further deets to report other than he’s got a real job and multiple degrees. He seems decent like he’s here to find love, but is also a decent friend to the guys. Good on you, hun.

Can We Just: He “knows all the lyrics to ‘Call Me Maybe'” which, um is that impressive or embarrassing?

 

 

 


Robby, 31, Insurance Broker

I’m getting Blake E meets Tickle Monster vibes for this man from St. Pete Beach, Florida. IDK what it is, but yea, it’s there. And meh, not much of a fan. Also, seriously questioning the photographer’s skills because it’s framed poorly.

I’m getting all sorts of bro vibes from his Insta, which like I’m gonna pass on this one. He was a frat bro and works for what I assume is a family company which like, is that good family values or nepotism, IDK. Also, he’s a model who cites his biggest accomplishment as posing for GQ mag, so there’s that. Cough cough, wrong reasons.

Can We Just: According to Chris Harrison, Nick Viall referred him to the show. LOLOLOL I need more answers.


Spencer, 30

This dude from La Jolla, California looks like Trevor from Listen to Your Heart. Very visually pleasing physically and wow, what a busy and distracting shirt. But, like piercing eyes. I mean, piercing, wow.

And we’ve got another bro out here! His Insta tells that story all too well. But with only sixty posts, I can’t get too much of a read on him.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 

 


Tien, 36

He’s from Great Neck, New York, and quite the skinny dude. But, also dimples. This coloring of this photo looks like one of the OBC of Hamilton‘s star portraits of the Schuyler sisters in the sepia tone. Can’t unsee that one.

No Insta, but a real job. So definite benefits and someone who doesn’t wanna be an influencer.

**Not listed on cast bios**

 

 


Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

Another Tyler C.?? He’s from Gassaway, West Virginia, and just seems like a basic, muscly guy. Totally average Bach suitor, for sure.

While he used to be a professional boxer, now he’s an attorney. Which, like, yay, real job alert! Ohhh tea time, Chris Harrison says right off the bat on Night One, he’s got some dirt on another dude and reveals it. I can’t wait.

Can We Just: A Matthew McConaughey stan. Well, I’m not sure why you admitted that you are a Stan.

 

 


Tyler S., 36, Music Manager

Tyler No. 2 is here, y’all! He’s from Dallas and went to the same high school as Chris Harrison. He has a lil’ baby face, so he looks a lot younger. Apparently, his brother is Granger Smith, a country singer? Hm, need to do more digging on this. Yea, and he’s also his bro’s manager and a proud uncle. Thank you, detailed Insta bios. So, I’m sensing like a Jordan Rodgers vibe. He’s cute, seems normal and friendly. Yea, I can see something happening with Clare and some chemistry. But, LOL, could they get his bro to sing on a date for them? Even if it’s just over Zoom! I mean, he manages him, so wouldn’t it be his job to bring this chance to his brother, I mean, client?? Aww sweetie, because Chris Harrison called him well-liked and so polite. Aww.

Can We Just: His mom has to approve any girl he dates … by looking at said girl’s Instagram. Um, okay???


Uzoma “Eazy”, 29, Sports Marketing Agent

He’s from Dallas and is suave. I just get Lincoln vibes, which I hope not, because he was gross. And oh dear old, yet another former NFL player who’s verified on Insta?? I mean, sure he’s good-looking but IDK if he’s right for Clare, ya know?

He’s looking for a queen, which aww, but also, hmm is that a line, sir? Also, he’s seen every episode of Grey’s Anatomy, which, like good taste. But, I see you sneaky ABC producers, trying to link the show page to this one…

Can We Just: “No one hypes Eazy up better than himself.” ‘Nuff said.

 


Yosef, 30, Medical Device Salesman

He’s from Mobile, Alabama, and I’m getting model vibes. But also, what does his accent sound like? I need to know. But, I swear if this isn’t a modeling photo. Because that’s all I see here.

I can’t get a good read on him. His IG is private, save for his profile photo which is him with a cute little girl, which is presumably his daughter or niece or sister or something. Confirmed, his daughter, a 4-year-old called Zara. So, family’s a priority, I guess. Which, like that’s nice. But oh man, he also gets into drama this season, ugh.

Can We Just: “As a kid, Yosef loved his Velcro sneakers.” That’s the fun fact Adult Yosef is gonna go with?

 


Zac C., 36, Addiction Specialist 

Oh, I like him and can see him going far. He’s from Haddonfield, Pennsylvania, and just seems normal and authentic. Ok, Team Zac C. for now.

Can’t tell much but apparently he’s got a nice, emotional backstory, so he’ll likely appear when the show airs. He’s overcome a lot and aww, I hope he gets the love story he deserves. “Tremendous story. Great guy,” according to Chris Harrison.

Can We Just: He’s a sneakerhead. Oh lord, why are we admitting that?

 

 


Zach J., 37, Cleaning Service Owner

He’s from Yakima, Washington, which reminds me of iCarly. Hey, I’m a young Millennial! Big guy with big, veiny arms, tight tees, and hair that sticks straight up.

He’s got his hands deep in his pockets! Which of course reminds me of the camp song “Turtle Song” about the turtle with his hands in his pockets and his pockets in his pants? Sorry, my brain is weird. So, now I’ll be singing that every time I see Zach on screen this season.

Back to Zach, he’s a business owner and values his family, which thank ya, Instagram. Oh, yea, his company as already promoted his Bach appearance. Cool beans, Mr. Wannabe Influencer. Apparently, He has an explosive Night One entrance that earns him a nickname that sticks. Yikes.

Can We Just:  He once broke his nose walking into a glass door. Hahahaha, I mean, thanks for the laugh, but I don’t get why you feel the need to share that Mr. I Hate Jazz Music But Am Obsessed With Chapstick.


And that’s the ball game! What did you think of Clare’s official 31 guys and who will earn the First Impression Rose or steal her heart? And more importantly, will things be less dramatic and more earnest so I’ll want to keep watching? Also, are the rumors all true, and if so, what is in store coming up this season of the “most dramatic” season of The Bachelorette??