Roasting the New Crop of Suitors on Season 15 of “The Bachelorette”

It’s that time again: the Bachelor Mansion has once again opened its doors to one eligible lady and a brand-new crop of 30 suitors clamoring for her attention and potential hand in marriage.

Before next week kicks off the season, let’s meet the guys. You know the drill by now: based exclusively on the headshots and brief bios, I will run through my first impressions and judgments of these men looking to date 24-year-old former beauty queen and recent college graduate Hannah “Beast” Brown. Let’s get started.

First off, here’s a brief look at each guy giving their best Hannah growling impression (is that supposed to be impressive? k, pls let me know, thx) and a sappy AF pick-up line, which turn around and go. Bye.

Now, the men:

Brian, 30

The Kentucky math teacher, guess what? Likes math. PASS. I mean this line is nice and all: “Brian is passionate about helping his students achieve their dreams and is hoping this journey will lead him to his dream woman,” but like, numbers. Nah, you lost me. But all in all, seems like an all-American yet slightly dorky white male.

Cam, 30

We met him at AFTR, where he rapped and got the first First Impression rose. My feelings were lukewarm even then. His bio stresses he is competitive, the life of the party, and loves The Notebook. Nice to meet you, Cam, and allow me to show you the door. Bye.

Chasen, 27

The Michigan-based pilot apparently chose his career because “women love a man in a uniform.” That’s why you chose your profession? NEXT, puh-lease. He is also a Bach superfan, so you know he can’t wait for his eps to air. Hey, you’ll be posting teasers on Insta weekly, amirite??

Connor J., 28

First off you know it’s a very basic and white season when there are multiple men with the names Connor, Luke, and Tyler. Moving on to lucky bachelor Connor J. His bio says he’s a Southern gentlemen and apparently has manners up the wazoo, but like, isn’t that something all guys say to try and land a girl?

Connor S., 24

He has Bieber fever! I feel like that says it all. Can I inquire what era is his favorite? Like shaggy-haired “Baby-“singing J.Biebs is completely different from mugshot, homeless-looking Biebs. And then, this line just rubs me the wrong way: “Not only is he easy on the eyes,” I just can’t.

Daron, 25

An IT consultant, he–of course– is a former college athlete and self-proclaimed “giant teddy bear.” Clay vibes, anyone??

Devin, 27

The talent manager (maybe he can manage the up-and-coming influencer careers of his soon-to-be housemates??) seems to really take value in love and finding his person. Oh, and also, Wills (from Boring Becca’s season) is a dear friend. Because how dear of a friendship could it be if all of ABC’s viewers didn’t know about it??

Dustin, 30

He just wants love, and by someone who will meet the approval of his mama and precious pooch.

Dylan, 24

This is just a sea of basic AF white boys, isn’t it?? The “handsome engineer” (I swear to god it actually said that.) founded a fitness company. PASS. Wait, dude can cook? Gotta circle back. (I mean, if you’ll feed me, aka a girl who can barely boil water, all can be forgotten.)

Garrett, 27

He is a pro golfer. And yawn. Also, an Alabama native. If he and Hannah get to talking, what are the odds ABC will subtitle them with their respective accents?

Grant, 30

OH, POOR BUDDY. His career is actually listed as unemployed. Yo, ABC, no fake or made-up title? Poor guy. I just can’t let it go. But, dude “has a hard time believing that any young guy who comes on The Bachelorette is ‘here for the right reasons,’ and he plans to call them out on it.” And so, I guess he’ll be shit-stirring the pot a bit?

Hunter, 24

Stand back Mr. Pro Golfer, we got a Pro Surfer ready to catch a wave into Hannah’s heart… (ABC, did I get your bio formula right?? Would you hire me? LOLOLOL). And he still lives at home with the ‘rents, so is he ready for marriage?

Jed, 25

This definitely-country boy is a singer-songwriter. Aw, our first one this season! I’m getting– what’s the country one’s name from seasons past– vibes? (Oh, Joshua with the leg tat from Idaho from JoJo’s season and Joe from Kaitlyn’s season, right? It’s the country boy thing.) I swear, drinking game for every time he shows up in a leather jacket this season!

Joe, 30

His career is “The Box King,” and I’m sorry, what? Oh, his family has a cardboard box business, okay, I guess that makes sense then. His cockiness, not so much. I’m sorry Joe but Bach Nation has room for only one Joe from Chi-town in our hearts: and that’s Grocery Story Joe.

Joey, 33

The old man of this batch of men is ready to settle down, minivan and all. Hey, Joey, if you show up to the mansion night one in a minivan, we’ll all know you just copied Garrett (the winner from last season), just saying…

John Paul Jones, 24

Why put your full name, unless you consider this your brand, acting audition, or whatever BS you label it as? His bio is basically one long, running gag about his three-word name. K, can you talk about anything else? Interests? Passions? Job? Family? Anything? Anything?

Jonathan, 27

He’s a server in LA, so basically an aspiring actor, right?? Another life of the party, always-clubbing dude, and I’m over it. Bye.

Kevin, 27

This small town guy had me saying “damn” to his career: “He works as a behavioral health specialist for the army, helping vets deal with trauma.” Mazel tov. And then, he enjoys “pumping iron” and travels… to the gym a lot. Check, please.

Luke P., 24

He’s looking extra Colton-like, right? This “good Christian boy” (I swear this info is coming direct LOL) really wants a wife, especially after some mysterious “religious awakening” in college, because sure.

Luke S., 29

He wishes he could be Nick Viall. He’s a political fundraiser, lover of tequila, apparently “once hit on Emily Ratajkowski and made her blush” and continues to talk about it all the time, and made a very inappropriate upon meeting Hannah on AFTR for the first time. Thank u, next.

Matt Donald, 26

First off, shame on ABC. You write this line: “Matt’s brother and parents are deaf, and he grew up speaking sign language.” And immediately follow it up with “We love a man that can communicate what he’s thinking with his hands without ever saying a word, and we think Hannah will too.” Boo. Thumbs down for the network. Onto him, woah, coming on really strong by saying he “loves Hannah and he hasn’t even met her.” No thanks to him and the network’s lack of a PC bio.

Matteo, 25

The guy founded a VR tech start up, has lived all over the world, is a strong and silent type, once chugged milk for a talent show, and oh yea, is a “sperm donor who has helped create 114 children for all types of families.” Ya know, just casually throw that in there.

Matthew, 23

He’s a “Car Bid Spotter” and I have legit no clue what that means. Auctioneering. A “Bid Spotter,” what? He has lots of tattoos, has never been out of the country, and enjoys exercising, and hanging with friends or his little sister, who is an actual toddler. And that about sums him up.

Mike, 31

This very energetic vet has a lot of swag and energy for all types of active activities. See ya later.

Peter, 27

Another pilot of the group. Do you think the two have ever crossed paths, or in the sky? You know, before living in a Cali mansion together and dating the same beauty queen? Also, how is your granny’s name a fun fact about you? He apparently is a fan of line dancing, which would immediately rule out a potential date in my eyes.  (Hey, my friend once twisted her ankle learning a line dancing. It’s dangerous, I’ve seen it firsthand!)

Ryan, 25

He’s a “Roller Boy,” no explanation given, but hey, dude, can I get one? He’s a risk-taker and adventurous, but hates birds. Nice to meet ya there, hope you enjoy your car ride home after a short journey.

Scott, 28

A Windy City native with spiky, gelled-up hair. He calls himself a catch and that’s all I need to bolt. But, he admires Kris Jenner, so before I split, can you please hand in an 1,000-word essay to the class on why you look up to the momager and savvy business mogul?

Thomas, 27

He’s not just a pro basketballer, he’s an international pro basketball player. Should I be oohing here? FOR A YEAR. He played pro ball overseas for ONE year, and that’s the career the show goes with??

Tyler C., 25

A former football player, and TBH, Hannah should run away from a guy boasting how he was almost in the NFL. No one wants a Colton repeat. *shudders*

Tyler G., 28

He’s laidback and would rather read than go clubbing. I’m on board. *keeps reading* He’s a Crossfitter and relaxes on his own boat. I retract my previous statement, y’all.

All in all, what a bunch of duds in this group. I wasn’t the most outspoken Hannah for Bachelorette supporter, but I honestly feel sorry for her. Because these guys are bland, and basic, and frankly not “here for the right reasons.” What can I say, I call it like I see it.

As much as I thought Colton and Becca’s respective seasons would be my last as a dutiful member of Bachelor Nation, honestly, the first look at the season has reeled me back in, and I’m here for the drama that’s coming, not for the journey or any potential to find an S.O. for a suitable amount of time before your Instagram blue checkmark arrives. So, I guess, I’ll see y’all on Monday nights.

Breaking Down the Guys Competing for Roses on This Year’s “The Bachelorette”

By now, everyone knows how the end of “The Bachelor” went down: when Arie acted like a complete dirtbag and proposed to Minnesota-based publicist Becca K (albeit not very lovingly at all) and then promptly set up an on-camera break up and refused to leave while she cried, mere weeks later. It was brutal and we, as loyal members of #BachelorNation, flipped on the former racecar driver so fast for the horrible way he treated Becca and her emotions. *eye roll* Well, we moved on and thank goodness ABC decided to “do the damn thing,” aka making Becca the next franchise lead.

Stemming from the “Independent Woman” promo starring Becca holding roses (naturally, obvi), we were so ready to DO THE DAMN THING and watch Becca find a worthy guy. (I mean, I was already sold on four of the suitors she met at the After The Final Rose taping.)

And now, mere weeks away from the premiere of what’s being described as a “kick ass” season, ABC has released the headshots, bios, and the mostly ridiculous careers of Becca’s suitors. What follows next but my natural first impressions and judgements of these guys?? So, let’s do this.

First step, let’s relive my thoughts from ATFR, taken directly from my Twitter page, where she met five of the guys:

I like Lincoln: so sweet.

Ok. First Impression Rose. Done, Lincoln wins.

One look at Chase. Nope. Bad vibes.

Ok this banjo guy [Ryan] is so cute and sweet. My top pick.

Darius is apologizing on behalf of his gender. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok. And Blake. Top three with Ryan and Lincoln. Ok, Becca, yea, I think this journey is going to be good.

So already, I was primed to like Lincoln, Ryan and Blake as my top picks. Let’s what the rest of these bios reveal. One: Becca definitely has a type from first glances alone and there’s a lot of hair gel, a lot. Two, the bios, which is a few sentences instead of the usual questionnaire, WHAT. Okay, let’s get over my initial shock that producers actually changed something from the show’s format and dive right into my first impressions.

Age 31, nice normal age of a contestant usually here for the right reasons. Apparently he likes country music, playing with his dog, going to the beach with his boat, and skiing. That’s like the male equivalent of being #basic.

He “considers himself a modern romantic who believes that two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other, so he’s looking for his equal match.” Fair point, I like it. If he can swing dance, I’d like to say, we need proof. How cute would a swing dance date be with Blake and Becca? Not to mention reality TV gold for a show trying to evoke a romantic feeling. Ohhhh yea, he showed up on the horse, I liked him even then!

Nope. This is the smarmy guy we met on ATFR. Didn’t need to open his mouth, didn’t like him. Those feelings still apply for the Florida-based Advertising VP who is big into sports, the outdoors, and adventure. So Becca, please heed my warning (because I’m usually pretty good at spotting the players this show casts), and let him go already.

Seems nice and normal, perhaps a bit too into fitness. So, I’m guessing he’ll be shirtless often at the Mansion? Also, his goal is to follow in his family’s footsteps and retire by 40… So, um, you work until age 40 and then that’s it? You’re done? I just don’t get it…

Does Becca like an athlete? Because a lot of her guys, Christian included, like to boast about their athletic pasts and accomplishments. So, his biggest fear is “spilling something on himself” in front of Becca. DUDE, that would be me 24/7. I’m just saying, if a guy can’t handle me at my clumsiest self, than he doesn’t deserve me at my classiest, most put together self. (Did I do that popular Twitter meme correctly??)

Question, how does he pronounce his name? I’ll be waiting for his limo entrance for an answer. He’s a former Harlem Globetrotter, so I’m guessing he’ll be on a basketball or sports date at some point during his tenure on the show? OMG, he hopes finding love with Becca will be a “lay-up.” I’m rolling my eyes at that super cheesy line.

I WAS RIGHT, sports professional (and football player)! BAM. Sorry, I just like to be right. True gentleman, ok that’s nice.

IS HE A COUNTRY SINGER? TELL ME HE’S A COUNTRY SINGER/SONGWRITER. He’s got that look down pat. Oh, former footballer, and I apologize because now he dedicates his time to charity work and helping kids with CF and spending time with his family and dog. I’m so sorry, Colton. Wow, congrats on that amazing charity work you do. Mazel tov. But, question: so he famously used to date gymnast/Olympian Aly Raisman, whom he asked out via some sports interview thing, so is he here for the right reasons or more fame?? I’m skeptical.

Ooo, fitness coach: strike one. And fitness is his only thing mentioned in his two-sentence bio basically. So, bye.

Darius, who began his journey by apologizing to Becca on behalf of his gender and had the audience in stitches for it, seems like a stand-up guy. He likes to travel, dance and is energetic and fun-loving. The Milwaukee native (So, Midwestern values. Like Becca. And myself, just saying.) has perhaps one of the best lines written: “His most important mission is to live a life of service by giving back to others.” Bam, mic drop. Good guy.

Looks super young. And is another very basic Bachelorette contestant. I don’t think there’s anything else to say. But pretty and young. And hates avocado; so no brunch dates, I guess?

Apparently this fourth-generation electrician has a great sense of humor. I’m afraid I’ll need proof before you may continue on the show.

Sales rep and outdoors guy, that’s about it.

Well, neither he or Becca would have to move if they ended up together. And that’s not exactly a selling point: case in point, Andi Dorfman and Josh. Or Rachel Lindsey and Fred. And we all know how those instances turned out.

Lots of hair gel. A “successful banker with a heart of gold,” oh dear god, that’s cheesy. But he sings Disney songs, so he’s alright in my book because that’s my life and really all I listen to.

And welcome to the weird jobs club, Mr. COLOGNOISSEUR! Which just means he has a lot of cologne. Not his job, just a hobby for the Haitian-born Miami resident. Hey, Jean Blanc, are you going to gift Becca some cologne for your first meeting?? Also, the self-proclaimed bookworm is currently reading Amy Kaufman’s “Bachelor Nation,” book that I also read. LOLOL is this real? Like did he really think, ‘huh, you know what I want to read before I start this *cough cough* journey? The nonfiction book about the behind-the-scenes of this very show? You know the one that production kept trying to dismiss??’

Aww I feel bad, he’s “successful in produce, but unsuccessful in love” and “ripe and ready to be picked” by Becca. Awwww, poor guy. Produce puns, ughhh. But that first part? I feel so bad for him. Aww, sympathy rose from me.

I have a strong feeling this Silicon Valley tech guy won’t make past night one. Just a feeling. But “world-famous” banana bread? I’m afraid, I’ll need some proof John, if you’re going to use that statement. And by that I mean, bake me banana bread to judge.

Wait, is that Robby Hayes?? He looks very slick, anddd there we go, he’s a male model. Red flag alert. Also, he can run a mile in 4.24. For comparison, I would be huffing and puffing, exhausted by the start line while he concludes. So, that could never work out. Just saying.

May I ask what a “social media participant” means? Like a social media user? Yea, that’s like everyone. It’s free, you can say what you want, yea… Or is he prepping of his post-show career as an influencer? He also “dabbles” in male modeling who won’t get his hands dirty because he’s afraid of spiders. K, I’m laughing. Poor guy, doesn’t stand a chance.

That is 100 percent my brother’s hair and now I cannot unsee it. I’m sorry Leo, but I’ll be biased against you all season. I’m sorry, that’s my brother’s hair and I just can’t see past that. I’m sorry. Ok then, moving on, he’s a stuntman, yea that seems about right. That hair took ten years??? LOLOL, that took my brother like a few months. HAHA.

First, THAT ACCENT. As someone who’s lived in London for a bit, I love a British accent, so, sorry guys: Lincoln is already a step ahead. Aww cute, he “would love to have a big family to make his mom proud.” So cute. And he has such a nice smile.

CIRCLING BACK: I retract everything about what I thought about Lincoln. Disappointed in his actions (that would not make his mum proud) and with ABC for casting this man.

Hard pass on the hair, first off. It’s like wannabe Leo (or my brother haha) hair but not quite as good looking. Second, he loves festivals, horse races, and state fairs. Wow. Ok, bye now.

Life of the party? Fun-loving attorney? And a “weekend warrior” enjoys “brunches, barbecues, and the beach?” And alliterations, duh. Yea, I’m saying, PASS.

Rickey with the cute lil bow tie is what else for a Bachelorette contestant? Personal trainer. Course.

IT’S RYAN. Banjo guy!! *swoon* Aka Wells 2.0. And I’m okay with that. The 26-year-old “banjoist” (apparently that’s a thing) is very close with his family (who all plays in a bluegrass band with him, awww cute), plays the ukulele, guitar, and trombone, and is passionate about sailing, and wait for it: “can’t wait to make the Bachelorette his first mate.” Done, Ryan wins. Number one pick, hands down. I choose Ryan, everyone else can go home now.

And another model. Greaaaaaaat. Cool. Yup. Say no more, I’m out.

The California native seems nice and normal, and also really loves Harry Potter. Hope Becca (and her Sister Act 2 fandom) can mesh with Wills and his love of HP.

So get ready for May 28, break out your Bach Brackets and get your Fantasy Leagues ready to do the damn thing. And by that, I mean watch yet another dramatic journey where hopefully the lead falls in love and has about a 40% percent of staying together.

Until next time,

What I’ve Been Reading: 2018 Edition

Unfortunately with a post-grad move to a new city and a new job, 2017 didn’t leave much time for recreational reading (well, other than “What Happened” by HRC). And so, with the arrival of the 2018, I knew I wanted to started my favorite pastime up again. That, and a good book can instantly relax me. Here’s a quick peek of my recent reads on my nightstand.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

Literally as soon as the credits rolled on the final episode of “Big Little Lies” season one (and I blogged my thoughts thereafter, naturally), I went to Amazon and Prime-ordered the original book by Liane Moriarty.

I knew the series had hooked me. I had to keep watching. And since Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman kept discussing how inspired they were by Moriarty’s work to make the HBO show, I knew I needed to read about the Pirriwee Beach mothers and their kindergarteners.

While you may think, “Hey, I watched the series, why should I read?” It’s a gripping, page-turning story and, as with all film and television adaptations: liberties are taken.

 

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld

Hailed as a “modern retelling of Pride and Prejudice,” I was intrigued by the cast of interesting characters and how despite being a modern version of a classic, it still felt new and current.

Readers meet Liz, a magazine writer (Hey, I knew I liked it already! Lol.), who lives in NYC with her big sis Jane. When the New York-living sisters return home to help their parents and sisters following their father’s health scare, it seems Mama Bennett has other plans: trying to figure out how to marry off her unwed daughters before age 40 arrives. And so, here comes handsome (and quasi-famous) doctor Chip Bingley, who happens to take an immediate interest in Jane, while his surgeon-friend Fitzwilliam Darcy “reveals himself to Liz to be much less charming… and yet, first impressions can be deceiving,” the back cover synopsis explains. Hmm, intrigued? I know I was.

Eight Hundred Grapes by Laura Dave

This novel stuck out to me upon first glance and first read-through of the back cover summary. Dave describes how Georgia Ford returns home to her family vineyard in Sonoma County just one week before her wedding to her seemingly-perfect fiance once she learns an “explosive” secret that could change everything. Upon arriving home, she learns that her fiance is not the only one keeping secrets. Hmm, a twist.

This gripping novel tells the dramatic story of family, love and how secrets can tear or bring people together.

 

 

 

You Had Me at Hello by Mhairi McFarlane

This U.K.-set book seemed like an immediate rom-com type book from first glance. And then I flipped over the back cover. McFarlane tells the story of Rachel and Ben, two university best friends and partners in crime from their first “Hello.” However, a decade later, Rachel’s One Who Got Away comes right back and it seems like “the years melt away.”

The back cover reads, “But life has changed. Ben is married. Rachel is not.yet in that split second, Rachel feels the old friendship return. And along with it, the broken heart she’s never been able to mend.” And just like that, I was willing to follow along their journey.

Sort of spoiler, sort of warning: fans of a Happily Ever After, won’t be disappointed in this one.

 

Single State of Mind by Andi Dorfman

On a lighter note for all my single ladies out there, former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman‘s second memoir-type book chronicles her new life as a Manhattanite and attempting the crazy world of NYC dating. It had me laughing at the sheer reliability (which, should I be laughing? Whoops.) and perhaps wondering if that could be a future blog topic on here? We’ll see on that front…

Dorfman’s book picks up where her last left off (post-TV engagement and heartbreak) as she impulsively books a one-way flight to New York City to start a new chapter. She first must deal with the awful situation that is Manhattan apartment hunting and then beginning her life in the city. And what comes next once you get settled, figuring (or attempting to) out the *shudder* dating and dating app scene. She perfectly captures relatable New Yorker life for the single New York girls. A perfect light read to make fun of this crazy life we’ve chosen from living in the crowded little island of Manhattan.

And a preview of what’s next for me on my bookshelf?

From Notting Hill with Love… Actually by Ali McNamara

One: it’s literally named for some of the biggest (British) rom-coms in existence. So, McNamara has that going for her novel.

Two: it takes place in England. Which is one of my favorite places in the world, so that’s a plus.

Also, while it seems like a quintessential romance-type story, the back cover alludes that romantic story is far from easy, which makes it more realistic and something I can appreciate. Color me intrigued to continue reading!

 

 

Nine Women, One Dress by Jane L. Rosen

The back cover includes quotes such as, “A love letter to New York,” and “Love Actually meets Sex and the City,” and “A story for dreamers, the hopeless in love, or any woman or man in search of a new lease on life.” Sounds like a perfect, easygoing read for this fashion-obsessed Manhattanite.

The Heiresses by Sara Shepara

Hailed as a Pretty Little Liars for adults — I knew this was a must-read for me, especially in a PLL-less TV schedule.

Cut to the Seybrook sisters, a family of heiresses, clocked in mystery in intrigue as they wrestle with their feelings to uncover the truth about the their family before it’s too late. Sounds like the perfect read for all of us that miss the weekly six-season drama of PLL.

 

 

 

 

Seven Days of Us by Francesca Hornak

Because all the rom-com-esque novels can get basic after awhile, this family drama seemed equally enticing, especially considering I can relate (cheers to my crazy family back home in the Midwest– love you all).

The inside cover explains how “only the most extraordinary circumstances can reunite the Birch family for the holidays.” While the large family spends their first full family holiday together in years, they all have their own lives. I want to know all the dramatic details when  they are “locked down, cut off from the rest of humanity – and even decent Wi-Fi- and forced into each other’s orbits.” I can only imagine what secrets and drama will unfold. Time to start reading!

 

 

May 2018 inspire you all to keep on reading! 💖

10 “Bachelor” Nation Happily-Ever-Afters That Will Remind You That True Love Does Exist

Who says you can’t find love on camera?

In honor of “The Bachelorette” finale tonight, where #BachelorNation will finally learn the mystery identity of Rachel Lindsey’s fiance, I thought I’d run down the *cutest* moments where “The Bachelor,” “Bachelorette,” and “Bachelor in Paradise” stars actually found love (and said yes) on a reality show (seems crazy, no?).

Trista and Ryan Sutter

The OG Bachelorette and her chosen suitor are still going strong, most recently have celebrated over ten years of marriage and two children together, Max and Blakesley. Talk about Bachelor legends!

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My family. My everything. ❤️ #justbecause #fbf

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Jason and Molly Mesnick

While Molly wasn’t the recipient of the Final Rose, she did get a fantasy proposal on ATFR and they’ve lived as a happy family in Seattle with his son from a previous marriage and their daughter together Riley.

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💙🏝🛥 #Cabo

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A little #TeaParty to start the day😘🙃😉😄

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Ashley and J.P. Rosenbaum

Ashley was first seen on the train wreck that was Brad Womack’s second try as The Bachelor. But luckily for J.P., that didn’t work out for her and next season she was chosen as The Bachelorette where she finally got her happy ending with J.P. Completing their ABC journey with a televised wedding and a baby gender reveal on the Men Tell All, this family of four remains just as cute as when J.P. first greeted his now-wife outside the mansion, this time with little ones Ford and Essie.

Sean and Catherine Lowe

Perhaps one of *the* best Bachelors in the history of the show, Sean and wife Catherine Giudici continue to be just as adorable as their ABC wedding special, as evidenced on their Instagram pages as a family of three, with cute baby Samuel.

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Inseparable.

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If my heart was any fuller, it would burst.

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Mine.

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Desiree and Chris Siegfried

One of my personal favorite Bachelor couples would have to be Des and Chris. They just seemed so full of love during her season (once you look past all the Brooks drama) and it seems that hasn’t wavered a day, especially after welcoming their son Asher during the Bachelor Baby Boom a year back.

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BabyBoss #YouTalkinToMe ?

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Kaitlyn Bristowe and Shawn Booth

I rooted for Shawn B from the get-go of the “two Bachelorettes” season! His connection with Kaitlyn just seemed so effortless. #RelationshipGoals While they have yet to tie the knot, the Nashville-based couple are still engaged(hey, the Neil Lane diamond is officially hers by now!), but my gosh, are they so adorable together.

Jade and Tanner Tolbert

After a disastrous first season of “Paradise,” that didn’t boast any [real] marriages or relationships to come of the Mexican spinoff, Round 2 had much better luck. From episode one, it was evident there was something between Jade from Chris Soules’ season and Tanner from Kaitlyn’s season. Even without many official dates, these two coupled up pretty quickly, so it was only fitting that their season ended in an engagement. And now, this married couple continues to be just as adorable on social media as they prepare for their daughter’s birth soon.

 

JoJo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers

During JoJo’s season, we saw her fall hard for the famous football player’s younger brother from night one. While they remain engaged, the couple is still cute and goofy together.

Carly Waddell and Evan Bass

In “Paradise” last year, the singer from Chris Soules’ season unexpectedly found love with the “ED expert” Evan from JoJo’s season. Which, I know, WHAT. Carly went from literally throwing up after their hot pepper first kiss to “boarding the Evan train” once again after a brief trip to a Mexican hospital. We as audience members went from cringing at his failed attempts to woo the two-time Paradise contender. But somehow he did. And, so gosh darn cute together. And in a few weeks time, we’ll see their wedding play out on season four of “Paradise.”

Annnnddd… as of yesterday, Waddell and Bass just announced an exciting addition!

More next-gen Bachelor Nation playdates to come??

 

Rachel Lindsey + Fiance???

Obviously, we don’t know who the attorney accepted a proposal from (well, I have my hunches… And a Bachelor bracket I’d really like to get correct.), but in the meantime doing press, Rachel seems SO in love. Which is great for her, and I’m happy about. (I’ll be even happier if it means my Bachelor bracket is correct, just saying…)

I love seeing all these happy couples in love. It gives hope that, hey, maybe you can find love on a TV show??

Ravens and Roses: The Optimal Way to Watch This Season of “The Bachelorette”

Many members of #BachelorNation host premier viewing parties every Monday night (complete with roses, fantasy league brackets, and wine, lots of wine.), but one specific viewing party has to be THE best.

NFL players (these guys get paid to slam other people around for sport, mind you) are actually big ole softies. Case in point: The Baltimore Ravens players host a Bachelorette viewing party weekly, as they posted on Facebook.

Here’s the video in its entirety:

While watching the ultimate guilty pleasure reality show first was a joke, these men quickly were captivated by the programming and made watching a weekly thing.

We’d love to be a fly on the wall at their party every week! (Sure beats my bed and takeout for sure!)

[h/t Entertainment Weekly]

Analyzing This Year’s Crop of Bachelorette Contestants…

Because I enjoyed it so much during JoJo’s season, it’s that time of year again!

Once again, this post are my first impressions of the men only, straight from their ABC bio pages, exclusively. (And hopefully, some of these negative bios can prove me wrong next week when the show starts airing. (I DARE YOU.)

Without further ado, Rachel’s men…

OK, I thought this 27-year-old real estate agent seemed nice and friendly (i.e his most embarrassing moment was “when I told my mom I was going on the Bachelorette.”), then I kept reading.

Case in point:

  • Most romantic birthday present: “A threesome.”
  • Do you consider yourself a good cook: “Yes! I used to cook four-course meals in college and charge people. LOL” (So, he talks with ‘LOL,’ all caps??)

Reading very bro. Pass, Rachel, PASS.

Prediction: International.

He was the guy that won (sorry, spoiler) the group date hosted at the Ellen show. Initial reactions, like the Ellen audience, he is clearly attractive, looks-wise. Can his personality live up?

  • Do you consider yourself romantic: “Yes. I like to treat my significant other like a queen.” 😍 😍 😍
  • What is the most outrageous thing he’s done: “Ate a live salamander.” *goes to throw up*

Other than the salamander, WOW. I like this guy!

Well, Alex, you’ve got my vote (because that’s how this works, right?!?)

Prediction: Finale.

He’s done some awesome volunteer work globally! Good for you!

Prediction: See ya later after night 2 or 3.

Was he on the Ellen date too? Can’t recall.

First off, poor guy. He’s an aspiring drummer. Yikes. So, unemployed?

OH MY GOD his favorite flower is a red rose because he’s a “classic gentleman.” *rolling my eyes”

I DON’T LIKE HIM.

Prediction: U.S. travel dates.

So it seems like Blake is the “it” name this time around!

Did he copy his namesake’s answer on the roses thing? PASS.

Seems boring.

Prediction: He won’t go past L.A.

My god, he looks like a human Ken doll. Little creepy. (Anddddd… he’s a male model. Got it now.)

I’m getting wrong reasons vibes here.

Prediction: Middle of the pack. See ya in Paradise.

He looks like a country singer. Other than that, he looks very sweet. I like this guy.

Prediction: Final 5.

First thought: super wide jaw. OK, moving on.

  • Greatest achievement: “Making my parents proud and inspiring my little brother.” *swooning*

A few more adorable answers, and some general WTF moments as well.

Prediction: U.S. travel for sure.

Sad story alert. #MamasBoy *wiping my eyes*

He prefers “a woman who demands to be pursued,” good, because you’re on the right vehicle for that.

Prediction: A few group dates, at least.

He seems super sweet and friendly. Wait, did we meet him on After the Final Rose??? Can’t remember.

  • Ultimate date: “No cell phones, technology, just two people geeking out about life, love, goals, family, friends, music, movies, food, etc.” (That’s sweet.)
  • Greatest achievement: “Being a GREAT big brother. Since my kid sister was born, I have taken pride in not only loving her but teaching her about life.”

Yup, #TeamDeMario.

Prediction: Fantasy suites, baby.

One, “Devil Wears Prada” IS a great movie, points added. Nothing else special.

Prediction: Middle of the pack. He’ll find his best friends amongst his competitors.

Meh, not impressed.

Prediction: He won’t leave L.A.

He WAS on the Ellen date!

Which is perfect because….

  • If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be: “Ellen DeGeneres because she seems to love what she does and people’s days are brightened when they are around her.”

Prediction: Final 6.

Frat guy, and still loving it. Red flag, Rachel.

Immature and dad jokes. Ughhhhhh.

Prediction: L.A., duuuude.

Weird, he has the same best and worst attributes? Huh.

Prediction: He’ll leave night one.

With that name, he’s gotta be a stripper, a singer, or a model. No ifs, ands, or buts. (Plus, he has a first and last name, when there are no other Jacks.)

What? He’s an attorney? OK, I’m surprised. Then why the two names, dude? BUT, doesn’t he look like old school Nick Viall??? (I can’t unsee it!!)

Prediction: Middle of the pack.

He seems sweet.

Spoke too soon: his ideal girl looks like a model. Anndddd, we’re done with him.

Prediction: U.S. trippin’

Country boy? Yup, called that one.

Meh to his answers.

Prediction: Pack your passport!

He was also on the Ellen date! And asked when it was his turn to kiss Rachel.

WTF his job is “tickle monster.” No joke. WHAT?!?

Don’t like him. Same from the Ellen show date!

Prediction: See ya after a few weeks.

They can bond about their legal passions? Meh.

Prediction: L.A. dates only.

He’s a wrestler. For some reasons, I’m getting bad vibes.

Prediction: U.S. travels.

Pretty uneventful answer. Meh.

Prediction: Peace out after night one or two.

That is some high hairdo, wow. Getting some James Taylor vibes from JoJo’s season. But his hair is giving Jef vibes from Emily Maynard’s season.

Prediction: Grab your passport.

He looks like the character Lucas on Pretty Little Liars. Creepy.

WTF is an occupation of “whaboom??” Need clarification, please.

Preditction: Middle of the pack.

Looks like every other Bachelorette contestant. Meh, seems normal.

Prediction: Going abroad.

Couldn’t focus on this retired pro b-baller. Other than he eats paleo. Yikes.

Prediction: Travel dates, maybe.

He seems sweet and nice. What? He thinks being romantic is weak? PASS.

Prediction: U.S. traveling. Then, hola Paradise!

Forgettable vibes here.

Side note: ABC, what type of question is “Gluten?” Could you clarify??

Prediction: See ya in the first night exit limo.

He looks like he knows he’s handsome.

Seems grounded, normal, a few WTF stories. Eh.

(Was he the guy that said they kissed on Ellen??)

Prediction: Oh, he’s going abroad.

Rob looks super plain and forgettable.

Prediction: Byeee after night one or two!

He was the runner-up on the Ellen game show. He seems nice and personable from that appearance and his official headshot.

Prediction: Fantasy suites, at least.

That was fun! What are your thoughts, #BachelorNation? See you next week for viewing parties! Excited for Rachel’s journey (oops, start the drinking game now.) to air.

Is this too judgmental?– Analyzing this year’s crop of Bachelorette contestants

As you may know about me by now, my guilty pleasure (if you can call it “guilty”) is all things reality TV, especially it’s holy grail The BachelorThe Bachelorette.

And recently, ABC has released photos and bios of the 26 men competing for the chance to date (and eventually propose to) this season’s Bachelorette JoJo Fletcher, who many will remember as the second woman Bachelor Ben Higgins said he loved and then promptly dumped to pick her competition, Lauren B.

And since #BachelorNation (me included) pretty much just watched the show to judge contestants and to see the insane drama, I thought I’d start with a post all about my first impressions of the men, straight from their ABC bio pages, exclusively.

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The obligatory group shot! Trying hard to figure out which outfit to judge harder: the santa suit or the guy that decided to steal JoJo’s look– and stand right next to her so they look like twins??

Let’s start analyzing her guys:

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.20 PM Alex: 25-year-old U.S. Marine (good, noble career), seems normal, like a good guy.

Prediction: should make it pretty far, but probably will tragically get cut for not getting his fair time, so Chris Harrison will likely ship him out to Mexico for the next installment of Bachelor in Paradise, much like Tanner (1/2 of Janner).

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.38 PMAli: 27-year-old bartender (so not a totally stable career), also how do you pronounce his name (is it Ah-lee? or Ali? Is he Prince Ali aka Aladdin??), AND if the first words that follow “I love it when my date” is “dresses sexy,” PLEASE move along– you don’t want a woman who’s firstly intelligent, humorous, sweet, kind, generous, or one of a million better descriptions?

Prediction: there a few solid weeks at least?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.42 PM Brandon: the 28-year-old who listed his career as “hipster.” No joke. Well, he does have that vibe down…

Prediction: First or second night exit limo??

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.49 PM Chad: Right off the bat, I’m thinking this guy will be an uber-jerk and trouble. I mean, isn’t the name “Chad” such a red-flag name? Not mention the name of JoJo’s still-into-her ex-boyfriend from Ben’s season. Case in point from his bio, he answered THREE separate questions the exact same: Who do you admire most in the world and why? “Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright” and “If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? “Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.”

Prediction: For some unknown, JoJo will probably keep him around through international dates, you know for ratings. But if he’s bugging me now with a photo, a name and answers to written questions- I’m over him.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.55 PM Chase: He just looks like a good guy. Like you can tell the 27-year-old sales rep respects women, is there for the right reasons and is ready to settle down. #TeamChase for the final rose.

Prediction: My ideal Bachelor bracket would probably have him at the end.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.01 PM Christian: Seems pretty cookie-cutter. His bucket list answer is sweet, though: ” 1) Build a relationship with Mark Cuban and earn his respect. 2) Take a trip to space to experience the process and snap some epic selfies! 3) Spoil my grandchildren.”

Prediction: He’s probably only there as the “diverse” contestant. Am I close, Bachelor producers?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.07 PM First off, what type of name is “Coley??” And second, odd-shaped head. (Hey, I warned you this is all purely my first impressions!! Raw.) Meh, nothing really sticks out.

Prediction: Middle of the pack? Or third elimination?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.13 PM Derek: Well, he looks like most every past Bachelorette contestant, right?!? Seems average, but one question: who has a deep fear of “fluffy kittens??” Red flag on that one, dude. #TeamDerek please.

Prediction: Should make it pretty far and will likely get eliminated for not having enough time, before being sent by Chris Harrison to meet Ben Higgins’ reject in Paradise in August…

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.19 PM Daniel: He looks like a male model or at least a bartender. Please tell me I’m right. –And yes I am. His answers make me take an immediate disliking to him. Case in point: Tattoos? “No, same reason you don’t put stickers on a lambo” AND Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public? “Very comfortable. Why have a lamb if you park in the garage?” Cocky much, dude? Hard pass on this guy.

Prediction: He’ll make it at least halfway and cause all the drama for being “better looking than the rest,” similar to JJ from Kaitlyn’s season.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.26 PM Evan: Oh, his career is—- “Erectile Dysfunction Expert.” Ohhhhkayyyyyy…… How’d he explain on television? Just curious. Remember Kaitlyn’s “Amateur Sex Coach” didn’t advance past night one… Also, he said he’s want to be Trump for the day “to see what the heck is in that guy’s head.” Okay?? And his favorite type of dancing is “booty???” (As if I knew what that really was.) And how is “being in touch with [your] sexual energy” an answer to Are You a Romantic? *backing away slowly*

Prediction: Fifth guy to get the boot?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.32 PM Grant: The firefighter at first glance is definitely physically attractive. Point one to him. His answers are sweet and cute… I mean his greatest achievement in life is “saving a life.” No, duh– he’s a fireman.

Prediction: Again, the diversity guy, but he’ll probably last the longest of all the diverse guys, TBH.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.37 PM Jake: He answered Where do you see yourself in five years? with “Married to the Bachelorette with our first child.” JoJo, run away fast! He’s already thinking marriage to YOU before you even meet– huge red flag.

Prediction: Another diversity candidate who probably won’t last long, TBH. (Not that I think diversity is bad, I’m basing my predictions based on the past seasons of the show.)

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.43 PM James #1 (fine, F.): Looks like a poor man’s Farmer Chris Soules. Right?? (Might just be the shirt, but I’m not quite sure.) Answers: meh.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.49 PM James #2 (I mean, S.): His occupation is literally listed as “Bachelor Superfan!!” Literally. Which is code for unemployed, am I right? Also, JoJo– red flag alert! If he’s a superfan, how do you know he’s not here just for the sake of being here??

Prediction: Night 3 going home.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.54 PM James #3 (Oh, Taylor. Why does he get to go by both names?): If he’s not a singer-songwriter with that name… And shocker, of course he is.. And, for the love of God, his favorite flower is a “red rose…” Oh, please be kidding.

Prediction: Will make it the farthest of all the James. Middle of the pack? International Date 1?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.03 PM Jonathan: Eh. Not standing out.

Prediction: Won’t make it out of L.A., if past the first night at all.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.08 PM Jordan: The most publicized contender as a former pro football player and the younger brother of a professional NFL’er. (Don’t you dare ask me who. You’re lucky I know quarterback is in football, which is the NFL.) Cutest answer of who he admires: “My grandparents. They broke the mold after their generation. They are the most loving people and best example of love and selflessness.” Bonus point for that.

Prediction: Oh, he’ll go international for those dates, for sure, perhaps even to hometowns…

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.12 PM Luke: If he’s not a male model…. Unclear, but he is a war veteran, so how could producers mess with his image? (EASILY. Just ask Jubilee from Ben’s season, which I’m still not over.) But his photo is giving him “villain” status… You know I’m right…

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.22 PM Nick #1: (Oh, I’m sorry B.): Seriously another one who’s favorite flowers are the “red roses [he’ll] received from the Bachelorette???” Over that.

Prediction: Middle of the pack, absolutely. Boring, so he’ll probably make it through L.A. and make the first U.S. destination?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.28 PMNick #2 (Okay, S.): Reading very college frat boy in this picture to me. Has some sweet answers, and he’s obviously a decent person if he’s an Eagle Scout, but if that, a high school accomplishment, is the greatest achievement to date for a 26-year-old, that might be sad…

Prediction: He’ll make it abroad, but won’t make it to hometowns.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.34 PM Peter: Ehhhh…. Note for Peter: saying your greatest achievement is being “promoted at every job” makes you look a little cocky, in my opinion.

Prediction: He’ll at least stay through L.A. weeks.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.42 PM Robby: He’s a former competitive swimmer, so he’s unemployed now? But, yea, he definitely has the swimmer vibe, oh that’s just his hair. Seems very sweet, but looks almost too perfect/ too good to be reality?

Prediction: Hometowns at least.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.47 PM Sal: Nothing sticks out here. Totally an Average Joe.

Prediction: He can’t get passed night one.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.52 PM Vinny: If the first thing I thought of when reading your name is “Jersey Shore,” that’s not good, buddy. Seems like a “bro.” Pass.

Prediction: Leaves on one of the first two nights.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.57 PM Wells: First, what type of name is Wells? Is that a real name? Did his parents happen to like wells or they had one at home? I’m more interested in how he got that name… Oh, is it a DJ nickname? If that’s the case: red flag– nicknamed guys never fare well. And how do you not like pizza????

Prediction: Leaves on second or third night.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.05.02 PM Lastly, Will: looks very average for a Bachelorette contestant. Answers fine.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

So, there’s some keepers, some to toss out immediately and some middle-ground guys. What are your thoughts and this season’s crop of contenders? Will JoJo find her dream husband here? Should be an interesting season, you know I’ll be watching.

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