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My First Impressions on the 30 Men Who Will Date ‘The Bachelorette’ This Summer

Posted in Just for Fun, Pop Culture by

I’ve been falling off the Bach Nation wagon in recent years. First, Arie, Colton, and Peter bored me so badly I had to quit watching. Then, there was the hot mess that was Clare/Tayshia’s season, which was followed by the massive sex-shaming, bully-centric season that belonged to Matt James. And it’s all gotten to be too much to handle. Though, James’ contestant Katie Thurston (AKA TikToker @ventwithkatiee) was a beacon of light for anyone who had to endure his entire season with her funny quips and actions to stand up to the bullies. So, we were glad to hear the network made the only acceptable choice to cast her as the next lead.

Will I watch? I don’t know if I’ll make it past Night One again, but I guess for the sake of tradition, I’ll give it a try. And, speaking of tradition, I’m back on this blog to share my raw first impressions of the 30 men that were cast and vetted to date Katie on national TV. With the official cast bios out, keep reading below as I share what I think about each contender based on their headshot, name, age, hometown, job, and ABC’s definition of “fun facts.”

Aaron, 26, Insurance Agent

His bio calls him a “strapping young man,” which blech. Apparently, there’s more to the San Diego native than meets the eye — and bring on the cliches. He works in sales, but loves the outdoors, surfing, swimming, and lifting weights. All in all, I get a basic twentysomething dude vibe here.

He claims to be thoughtful, sensitive, and ambitious which all sounds great, but what guy wouldn’t say that try and land a girlfriend? Apparently, his only flaw is that he’s a procrastinator, but I’m sure with a little more time I could find more. *squints at this photo with intensity*

Also, he has a neck tattoo, but the ABC photo editing software seems to be quite adept at airbrushing because I don’t see it.

Can We Just: He fears an animal that’s extinct. Well, hun, good news, it can’t bother you.

Andrew M, 31, Deputy District Attorney

We’re already off to a good start with a right-reasons age and a stable job for this Cali boy, based in Newport Beach. Yada yada yada, he loves his job but is more than just a DDA. He coaches youth water polo because he used to play pro in Hungary (who knew they were great at water polo?) and loves adventure. Oooh, he “LOVES” to play pranks: all caps. And at age 31? Red flag.

Oh, spoke too soon: He actually “Tebowed” on the stage at his college graduation. Oh, Katie, please save yourself.

Can We Just: He openly admits that he “loves to sample men’s fragrances from magazine inserts.” One, why would you admit that? And two, how is that a “fun” fact?

Andrew S, 26, Pro Football Player

Coming all the way from Vienna, Austria (by way of Chicago), fans have already noted Andrew No. 2’s cousin is none other than footballer Clay from Boring Becca’s season. Sooo, Dale vibes? Or wrong reasons ones? Too early to call on this one.

He is open that he really wants to get married and have five children. Excuse me, your poor future spouse; I hope she’s okay with that. He’s close with his 96-year-old grandma, so cue the hearts of Bach Nation women melting, I guess?

Can We Just: His go-to party trick is “imitating accents from around the globe” and eesh that could go south real quick, hun.

Austin, 25, Real Estate Investor

This is one of our class babies, and he’s from Mission Viejo in Cali. He’s a house flipper with lofty aspirations. He’s described as smooth, funny, and handsome, which like who actually says that about themself?

He’s openly admitting that he’s dated “many” women, but none serious enough for him. Poor girls, I hope they didn’t think so. And like most basic AF dudes, he just wants to find his Queen Bey to his Jay-Z. No. Just no.

Can We Just: He really loves his white shoes and fears something spilling on them. Oh, please, capture this on the show??

Brandon, 26, Auto Parts Manager

First off, producers really did him dirty because that is one awful hairstyle. I don’t even know where to start. Anyway, he’s from Queens and is “quirky, intelligent, and unapologetically himself,” which that’s nice. You do you, hun.

IDK what his bio is, but “He attended Northwestern University where he says he learned to outgrow behaviors that limit his progress as a person” and “He currently spends most of his weekends at home working on a new skill he’s trying to develop.” Where do you think you are?

He does want an equal partner in life, but he *needs* a woman who “understands the importance of putting in effort.” Like with her appearance? I’m making a face right now since you cannot see me typing this.

Can We Just: He loves an *occasional* rave and riding a motorcycle, but really hates overpriced restaurants. Which like, he wants effort but won’t take you to a nice dinner? I’m confused.

Brendan, 26, Firefighter Trainee

He’s our token Canadian this year! Hailing from Toronto, he loves enjoying life to the fullest, and oh hello, more cliches. He’s training to be a firefighter if you couldn’t tell because he wants to make a positive difference in his community, which that’s sweet. Cannot deny that.

He wants a partner with banter, which don’t we all, hun, and who’s adventurous with an open mind. He loves being clean and organized, which dude is racking up points quickly in my notebook.

Can We Just: He really doesn’t like vegetables. Um, how is that a fun fact?

Christian, 26, Real Estate Agent

This Boston boy is a big-time romantic and family-oriented. But, not humble. Oh no, he revealed that he’s quite the professional success, having sold more than $25 million worth of real estate. Yea, he does look a little slick like many agents. Blech.

He just wants to find his best friend and someone to go through life with, which like who doesn’t? His ideal girl can keep a promise. That’s your main thing?

Can We Just: He loves parades! Fun fact how? Also, he boasts that he “rocked” a fauxhawk as a kid. Dude, you’re an adult move on from the past, yea?

Cody, 27, Zipper Sales Manager

First things first, what is a zipper sales manager? Does he just sell zippers or is Zipper the name of the company he does sales for? Need more information, please.

So, Cody’s from San Diego, has a six-pack, surfs, and is a romantic gentleman. Blech, please don’t talk about your abs already, I hardly know you. He’s an Eagle Scout, which that’s nice. Oh, oh no: “When Cody falls, he falls hard.” I foresee a rough, clingy journey ahead for Katie.

Can We Just: His favorite TV series is The Jersey Shore. Which, a real fan would know there’s no “the” in the title. Also, out of every single show??

Connor B, 29, Math Teacher

Hailing from Nashville, Connor with two N’s is lovable, quirky, and charming who teaches math in middle school: how adorable. He has a master’s in medical physics and has previously been a nuclear engineer, which, like damn: he’s smart and nerdy. I like it.

OK, I’m surprising myself because I don’t see a single red flag??? He wants a partner who can share his zest for life, is genuine and kind, is accepting and open-minded. He owns his own tux, which, like, cutie. Like, where is he hiding? Why haven’t I met someone like him? Katie, don’t let him go. He’s the one man out of 30 (including a box, see below) that I actually like as a competitor. He’s the Ivan (my birthday twin, just saying) of this year’s crop of suitors!

Can We Just: He claims “he can eat cereal faster than anyone,” which how and why do you want to know that?

Conor C, 28, Former Baseball Player

Apparently, one Connor isn’t enough because we have two, except this one has only one N in his name. He lives in Costa Mesa, Cali and is a *barf* “athletic stud with a heart of gold.” He loves the beach but wants to move back home to Oklahoma with his wife by his side. He’s looking for a “giver” and is always up for a good time, whether it’s bowling or an intimate night at home. *coughs* Those are the only options for date night?

Religion is important to him, and growing up he loved wearing puka shell necklaces. I’ve seen enough.

Can We Just: He shares a birthday with Matthew McConaughey. What? He didn’t do anything for that, that’s by chance.

David, 27, Technical Product Specialist

He seems normal. He lives in Nashville but is from New York, and is a first-generation American. He’s looking for a driven and intelligent woman with quiet confidence.

He did debate in high school, is an *NSYNC fan, and digs NYC pizza. All relatively normal.

 

Can We Just: If you’re such an *NSYNC fan, you should know how to stylize it in print. Just saying.

Gabriel, 35, Entrepreneur 

He looks like some suave Frenchman, which I’ve yet to decide if that’s a good thing. He’s based in Charlotte and is quite the “Renaissance man,” apparently.

Well, he has a lot of passions, including finding forever love, which blech. He says he’s introspective, creative, and confident. He’s looking for a woman who’s stimulated by intelligent convos and knows herself.  Eh, seems fine?

Can We Just: He “doesn’t understand the concept of athleisure” and believes that “people should respect elegant styles of the past.” Which, WTF does that mean? So, ladies, red alert because you can’t wear your leggings around this man.

Garrett, 29, Software Marketing Manager

We can’t have The Bachelorette without one Garrett! He’s from Salinas, California, and loves his marketing career. He wants a woman who is caring, intelligent, and is a critical thinker.

He has a five-year-old German Shepherd named Archer and describes him as a “very good boy.” Awww, pics please???

First red flag: He claims to be a “YOLO type of guy.” If you say, ‘YOLO,’ that’s the red flag part, sweetie.

 

Can We Just: He’s not a fan of tangy food. How is that fact fun??

Greg, 27, Marketing Sales Representative

This New Jersey dude is also suffering from a Bad Hair Day, eesh. And oh no, do I see the words “Greg is the full package?” Oh, good lord. So apparently, he’s handsome, kind, vulnerable, and serious about settling down.

He calls himself a hopeless romantic, like every other dude here. His perfect first date is something active (hard pass, hun) like “riding bikes, dancing, or going to a concert.” HOW IS GOING TO A CONCERT ACTIVE???? Also, he wants at least SIX kids, good lord.

Can We Just: I think it might be that he thinks going to a concert is an “active” date or doesn’t know how grammar works.

Hunter, 34, Software Strategist

Hunter’s from Houston and is one of two single dads on this season. He’s described as expressive, passionate, and outgoing and something about him gives me Evan Bass vibes. He has two kids and is a romantic. He claims to be known for writing love letters and give his crushes mixtapes or flowers. That’s sweet. What will he bring Katie one for Night One then?

So, he’s never ridden a horse, but “REALLY” wants to. So, like he wants a horseback riding date? Or at least a cowboy-themed one?

Can We Just: He’s openly admitting his favorite pastime is people-watching. Why would you admit that you basically like stalking?

Jeff, 31, Surgical Skin Salesman

OK, let’s get this over with. I understand that he sells artificial skin for surgeons to use in the O.R., but, like, surely he has an actual job title that sounds less creepy??

IRL, he’s from Jersey City and comes from a big Italian family. So apparently, he’s energetic, outgoing, and loving. He’s seeking an adventurous woman with a sense of humor. IDK, I’ll think I’ll pass on this guy, Katie.

Can We Just: He calls himself an “exceptional lover,” which like NO HE DID NOT. OH, HE DID. WHAT. That’s a bold statement, which, also makes me want to gag. Can we get an ex in here to corroborate then?

John, 27, Bartender

Oh brother, we do not need another pilot on this show. John’s from Pacific Beach in Cali and is quite the thrill-seeker, who’s even studying for his pilot’s license, surfing, hitting up EDM shows, and jumping out of planes. Ew, nope.

He’s a vegetarian and is also a romantic looking for someone genuine, honest, and willing to challenge him to be a better version of himself. Oh, we’re going there with turn-ons, too, ooookay then.

 

Can We Just: Loving the smell of fireplaces? Weird fun fact, right?

Josh, 25, IT Consultant

This Miami-based baby of the class is embracing his inner Matt James (AKA he’s wearing a turtleneck here). So, he claims to love hard, is humble, and is kind-hearted yet goofy.

We have another hopeless romantic in the bunch who’s very in touch with his emotions. How many times will we see him cry then this season?

My red flag things: He starts celebrating Christmas months early in October. No. Also, he’s so inflexible that he has to sleep on the right side of the bed at all times.

Can We Just: He *has* to sleep on the right side of the bed.

Justin, 26, Investment Sales Consultant

This tall and handsome painter is a self-proclaimed catch, which like blech. He hails from Baltimore and is specifically looking for a girl who’s passionate about fitness. Hahaha, nope. Thanks for playing, hun.

Oh, what do you know? He’s also a romantic and wants to find a meaningful physical and emotional connection with our girl Katie.

IDK, don’t have much of an opinion on him.

 

Can We Just: He doesn’t like to dance at all. But, will he dance though?

Karl, 34, Motivational Speaker 

If you remember, he was supposed to go on Clare/Tayshia’s season but was cut. So, welcome back, I guess?

Karl’s based in Miami and is quite charismatic and confident, who’s still “looking for his forever love.” Oooh, red flag alert: commitment-phobic because work’s outweighed personal life.

Meh, IDK quite the boring bio if I’m being honest.

Can We Just: His favorite holiday is New Year’s Day, and I think he’s the only one?

Kyle, 26, Technical Recruiter

So, Karl and Kyle are both Floridians, so my memory is going to be scrambled trying to remember both of them just by name.

He’s looking for a rom-com love, which I see why you are here now. He’s also a hopeless romantic and is ready to settle down and start a family. At 26? Maybe it’s my skewed sample in NYC but like do those guys actually exist at that age?

 

Can We Just: He hates mayo and mustard, which that is not a “fun” fact.

Landon, 25, Baseball Coach

Hailing from Dallas, apparently, he’s a kind, handsome, and outgoing guy who’s ready to settle down. LOLOLOL this line, “After a very successful collegiate basketball career, while working hard to receive his master’s degree in global business, Landon is finally ready for marriage and children.” Like, school’s done? Time to pop out some babies? Also, is that code for he has no real ambition?

Noo, oh, no: He’s also a “strong lover,” guys, BLECH. Why would you say this???

Can We Just: He’s a Belieber hahahahah! Do we still say this word?

Marcus, 30, Real Estate Agent

He’s from Portland, Oregon, so he’s the closest to where Katie is. But, proximity doesn’t always mean anything. So, he’s sweet with a calming presence, which that’s nice.

He’s successful in business yada yada, looking for someone smart and ambitious, that tracks. He loves board games, and Monopoly is his favorite. Oh sweetie, red flag, that’s like the worst and most annoying one.

Can We Just: He’s an “amazing” lover too. Why would you want to put this out to the world? Also, can we get an ex to actually answer if it’s correct?

Marty, 25, Dancer

What type of dancer is this Reno-based dude? Like Broadway-caliber, a Chippendales situation, or like a club patron-goer? I need answers, people.

So, he apparently has lots of energy and confidence, and a necklace just as long too. Oh gosh, he “loves to show off his rockin’ bod,” which, NO.

 

Can We Just: He has a self-declared tagline, which is “Marty brings the party.” Double red flag.

Michael, 36, Business Owner

Here’s our second single dad of the bunch and it’s Michael from Akron, Ohio. He mentioned his kid’s age and name, which like no, you don’t care about his privacy? Oh ok, just checking.

His life is apparently fulfilling and he is ready to find someone to share it with. He’s looking for someone witty with a sense of humor and is compassionate and resilient. Good qualities. Definitely get a right-reasons vibe from him, that’s for sure. Also, please bring Dino Nuggets for Night One.

Can We Just: He “makes a mean plate of Dino Nuggies.” And either if that’s because he’s a dad or he just like nuggets, I can roll with that.

Mike, 31, Gym Owner

We’ve got a Michael and a Mike. Mike is from San Diego, is apparently religious and (red flag alert) owns a gym.

So, he’s a former baseball player in the MLB, like the one-N Conor! He’s definitely very into his faith, evident from his bio and cross necklace. So, he’s quite easygoing, social, and goofy yet disciplined. He wants a woman who likes to stay active (buh-bye) and make him laugh.

Hahahah so he calls himself basic, well, I’ll call you basic, too. For sure.

Can We Just: He doesn’t like dessert AKA a monster. That’s all. You may see yourself out, hun.

Quartney, 26, Nutrition Entrepreneur 

He’s from Dallas, and I’m not sure what a “nutrition entrepreneur” is and how that’s different from like a gym owner, but you know, I’m cool not knowing.

So, he’s apparently ready to put it all out there for love, well, have you seen the group dates? You’re in the right place for that. He’s called compassionate, caring, and honest who likes making big romantic gestures. But what will his limo exit be??

Oh wow, so he “loves to daydream about having a family and says that the number one thing he is looking for is someone to be an amazing mother to his future children.” But, um maybe don’t bring that up Night One. Just a helpful hint. It does say “idea of a perfect nightcap is a robust bonfire with s’mores, music and dancing,” which does sound good, so you get one point for a good idea. I’ll give you that.

Can We Just: “Scuba diving is at the top of Quartney’s bucket list.” That’s not a fun fact about you, that’s what you’d like to eventually do one day.

Thomas, 28, Real Estate Broker

Hailing all the way from Poway, Cali, Thomas believes everything happens for a reason, and oh good, we’re back to an excessive use of cliches. Cool cool.

Other than that, he’s looking for companionship and really loves food. Like really loves it. A lot. A lot a lot. Have you gotten the memo yet? Just really want to drill home that Thomas loves food and considers it his love language. He can even dedicate an entire half-paragraph to talking about it.

Oh no: He used to “rock” Ed Hardy back in high school. I don’t like the sound of that.

Can We Just: “Thomas often wonders if The Rock really can eat everything he posts on Instagram for his cheat meal days.” THIS IS NOT A FUN FACT. A FUN FACT IS SUPPOSED TO TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

Tre, 26, Software Engineer

Tre’s coming to meet Katie all the way from Covington, Georgia as the “handsome catch with the huge heart.” Have we heard that line already? Can’t recall but sounds familiar.

So, he’s family-oriented, kind, outgoing, and open-minded. Nice qualities. He wants a strong woman and someone to be spontaneous with. So, his favorite activity is going to brunch with friends and book club. Which, YES. Do they go together? Either way, yes.

Can We Just: He loves the harmonica. Interesting yet odd fun fact. But is it fun?

??????, ??, Box

Everything is literally described with “??????” I know we saw someone wheel this in on Night One, and presumably, a person is in there. But, like, who thinks they are a present for Katie? Gross, I just threw up in my mouth a little writing that line.

Can We Just: We have no information. Who thinks they are, like, God’s gift to women and this show? Because NO. Hard pass.

18 Things I Want to See From the Book in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 2

Posted in Miranda's Book Nook, Pop Culture by

Photo courtesy of Netflix/Liam Daniel

If you’ve followed along with Miranda’s Book Nook all lockdown long, you already know that I became a tad ~obsessed~ with Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton series before the show even dropped and you could binge-watch the first season on Netflix, and you, like me, may have watched the adaptation in just one day.

Now, with the news that the Shondaland series will return for a second season on Netflix and will be focused on Anthony’s journey to find love, as inspired by The Viscount Who Loved Me, I instantly was stoked. Join me as I recap the best buzzworthy moments (if you know you know, but if not that was a very clever pun you’ll get in just a few moments) from Quinn’s second book, in chronological order, that just *need* to be seen onscreen in the second series.

**Note, this post does have spoilers from The Viscount Who Loved Me.**

1. A Happy Family

The prologue has a lovely backstory of Anthony’s childhood and his relationships with his parents and siblings. Much like the first season of the show, I do hope we get to see this backstory in a flashback scene. I want to see Anthony and his family playing at the country estate, his heart-to-heart with his father, and processing his grief individually.

2. The Most Reprehensible Rake with a Capital R

While TV viewers may think Simon was the rakiest rake there ever was, that honor is actually all Lord Bridgerton’s himself, right from page one. All I want to hear the incomparable Julie Andrews recite that monologue from Lady Whistledown’s first article, all about how Anthony is a Rake with a capital R aka the most dangerous kind of rake. Also, side note, I’m positive that “The Most Reprehensible Rake” should definitely be the title of the first episode of the season and you cannot convince me otherwise.

3. Newton In All His Glory

I hope, hope, hope the casting team does its due diligence to find the cutest and rowdiest corgi pup to portray Kate’s rambunctious doggo. Also, I just want to say that Jonathan Bailey cuddled up with said pooch will steal every scene and Every. Single. Take.

4. A Moody Teen Gregory

By this point, the youngest Bridgerton brother is a mere 13 years old and a full-on prankster. As Colin reveals to Kate at the first ball, the G sibling often puts frogs on people’s chairs, which is how you can separate him from big bro Anthony. This would be a fun, short moment of levity on the show, and I’d be all for it.

5. A Banter-Laden Enemies-to-Lovers Journey

First off, y’all know I have a weakness for a good E2L romance with delicious banter, and honestly, no Bridgerton couple delivers that better than Anthony and the quick-witted Kate Sheffield. From their first dance even, you see that tenfold and, boy, I cannot wait to see Bailey’s pure chemistry with whoever is cast as Kate. Then, based on Anthony’s dreams of her kissable lips and her body to their first kiss and beyond, wooo, are we in for some even steamier scenes this season!

6. Kate’s Under–The–Desk Antics

During his mama’s ball, which featured Italian opera singer Maria who’s definitely meant to be represented by Siena in the show, Anthony sneaks the songstress away to his study for an intimate moment. However, little does he know, Kate needed a breather from the social scene and was hiding out there. The best moment is where Kate, hiding underneath his desk, bites Anthony’s ankle like a dog to avoid getting caught. Lolololol aren’t y’all gonna be shocked to see it but, sweeties, I’m so ready for that scene.

7. Lady W Laying Down the Law About Men

This is one of Whistledown’s funniest and most relatable lines from her news sheet, and I need Julie Andrews to read it out in full with her signature flair. The line is as follows, “Men are contrary creatures. Their heads and their hearts are never in agreement. And as women know all too well, their actions are usually governed by something else altogether.”

8. The Rules of Pall Mall

Ok, I’ve been waiting to see a game of Pall Mall on the show ever since I read the first game scene and saw their family dynamics on screen! It could take the place of a scene much like the one last season where the family was all in the park pre–promenading. I want to see Kate steal Anthony’s black Mallet of Death ball and leave him with the pink one to his chagrin. Oh, they better not cut this game from the show.

9. A Lovely Bond with Penelope

During the Bridgerton country estate party, we see Kate’s blossoming friendship with Penelope Featherington. I, for one, cannot wait to see this beautiful relationship grow onscreen between Nicola Coughlan and whoever’s cast as Kate.

10. Anthony the Hero

Also during the country party, we see Anthony come to Pen’s rescue when the wicked Cressida Cowper bullies her. Kate witnesses this, which of course makes her swoon even harder, but I love seeing this softer side of the viscount and how he’s just such a good friend.

11. Kate’s Vulnerability and Anthony Just Being There

Once again during the country event, we see Kate’s traumatic sleepwalking during a thunderstorm. That’s not the moment I want to see in particular, but rather its aftermath. I want to see her curled up in a ball in the library as Anthony finds her and comforts her, displaying yet another softness to him. That’s the Lord Bridgerton I was a fan of while reading and who I want to see Jonathan Bailey portray on the show.

12. *That* Bee Sting

You had to know this one was coming, right? It should be quite obvious, but that doesn’t make this scene any less iconic. After Kate and Anthony went for a walk around the garden, we see she gets stung by a bee, which in turn traumatizes the viscount because of his father’s death. So, his only logic is to pull down her bodice, still in the garden mind you, and suck the bee venom out. And of course, his mama Violet, her stepmother Mary, and Lady Featherington all spot what’s going down and insist on a proposal because lord knows Miss Portia Featherington cannot keep anything to herself.

13. The Bridgerton Heirloom Ring

Once engaged, Anthony presents Kate with a simplistic ancestral diamond ring. The fashionista in me just cannot wait to see what the wardrobe team will dream up to bring this facet of her costume to life!

14. The Talk

While Daff was very underinformed about the birds and the bees going into her wedding, Mary wanted to make sure Kate wasn’t before her own big day. I really want to see how the show writers will script out this potentially awkward talk, but also sculpt it towards the female gaze by focusing on female pleasure specifically.

15. Falling in Love

After their wedding, Anthony and his new viscountess have such a swoon-worthy yet steamy romance ahead that viewers will surely go nuts for. I mean, when Anthony tells her on page 261 that he’ll give her “anything in my power” that she asks for, just like GAH. And her response is “just love me,” repeated several times. I cannot help but melt and need those words written into the script.

16. The First L Word

Once Anthony realizes he’s crazy in love with his wife, he rushes off on horseback to find her and tell her. I cannot wait to see Jonathan Bailey on horseback, but also that terror on the face once he sees the carriage accident and that worry he might not get to tell her how he’s feeling. Her leg’s broken and bloody, and immediately he says those three words with such urgency that never fails to give me goosebumps. I cannot wait to see Bailey play that.

17. A Happily Ever After

In the book epilogue, we see Anthony surpass his 39th birthday and the year he thought he’d die per superstition. This party, with their kids and his siblings, would surely make the perfect ending scene for the season.

18. The Biggest F**king Lady W Clue Yet

Ok, this final page of the epilogue was how I knew exactly who Lady Whistedown was because Kate tells her husband that it seems odd that the popular writer extensively writes of his brother Colin an awful lot. Like a ton. Hello, clue alert! So, that would be a fun nod to the book and an easy way to wrap up the season to mirror the first season’s final season as well.

16 Ways to Dress Like Your Favorite TV Characters And Update Your Fashion Game

Posted in Fashion, Miranda Tries New Things, Pop Culture by

After finding new ways to reinvent my wardrobe based on Julie and the Phantoms and matching new outfit pairings that I’d typically be too scared to wear, I wanted to continue my momentum. So, I compiled a list of some of my all-time favorite TV characters with the best style. I took that list and then aimed to replicate their looks for myself. So, here we go! Keep reading for some of my new favorite outfit pairings and how you can recreate something similar in your own closets.

Betty Cooper, Riverdale

To pull off the Riverdale gal’s “iconic and beyond reproach” look, I knew I had to create something extraordinary. I paired a pale pink sweater, like this Topshop one I own, with some dark jeans to take on B’s iconic look. And, of course, I tied my hair up in a classic high pony because, after all, it’s Betty we’re talking about.

What You Need to Replicate It: Pink sweater, dark jeans, ponytail holder

Veronica Lodge, Riverdale

While Betty is all about pink, Veronica looks a bit more mature with all of her black-colored formal dresses and skirts. To embrace my inner V, I paired this black, knee-length dress and Topshop handbag with a classic pearl necklace. Although not real ones from Daddy Hiram, my pearls are fakes from J.Crew. Easy, yet polished and business-ready.

What You Need to Replicate It: Black dress, black handbag, pearl necklace

Lizzie McGuire, Lizzie McGuire

While Lizzie’s looks are the sorts of things I wore back in middle school, I’ve come along way from that style. So, this ‘fit was seriously like bringing back Little Miranda and getting her thoughts on what I should wear. She helped me pick out a fun graphic tee (yes, that does say Little Women on it), patterned jeans, a jean jacket, and hairclips. No major loser award for this girl! Sure, it’s a look that’s certainly out there with all the prints and whatnot, but I had so much fun going back to a simpler time with this look.

What You Need to Replicate It: Graphic tee, patterned pants, jean jacket

Emily Cooper, Emily in Paris

Oui oui, Emily’s so stylish and avant-garde in her fashion tastes, and so, I really wanted to include her here as a way to boost my confidence and try something new. I pulled together this floral, flowy midi skirt from Ann Taylor with a black Who What Wear blouse from Target a few seasons ago. I then completed this look with a red hat, matching lipstick (currently wearing Little Snow from Colourpop’s Frozen II Elsa collection), and a red Kate Spade handbag with a bag charm pom (like a true ringarde) clipped onto it. I would like to point out that my Kate Spade bag did NOT come with the brown pom and I clipped it on myself for this shot.

What You Need to Replicate It: Fashion-forward skirt and blouse, bold red lipstick, hat or beret, handbag with bag charm (for maximum ringarde status)

Zoe Hart, Hart of Dixie

I’ve always loved Dr. Zoe Hart’s style from The CW comedy, although I can’t always pull off her “shorty shorts” on my petite frame, so I tweaked her style. I paired this leather midi skirt with a leopard-print sleeveless blouse, and a pair of impossibly chic embroidered Sam Edelman booties I’ve been obsessed with for years now. Now, if only there was a Wade Kinsella or George Tucker sniffing around my neck of the woods to compliment me on how good and stylish I look, but I digress…

What You Need to Replicate It: Leather skirt or shorts, leopard-print sleeveless blouse, heeled booties, ponytail holder

Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

Whether B was at Constance Billard for classes or strutting around one chic city or other, she had her own standard uniform and rocked it. To match Queen B’s flair, I chose a black skirt, a white Oxford button-down shirt, a classic black blazer, and a pair of black ballet flats. To finish off the look, I added a pair of tights underneath and chucked on a statement necklace and a headband, of course.

What You Need to Replicate It: Black skirt, Oxford button-down, blazer, tights, ballet flats, statement necklace, headband

Serena Van Der Woodsen, Gossip Girl

While I don’t have many pieces like S’s boho or couture looks, I can recreate one look where she paired a hat and blazer over a formal-looking dress. I have a red Topshop dress that’s normally reserved for formal occasions, but I remixed it to wear with my red floppy hat and a black blazer. Then, in true Serena fashion, I added a black pair of riding boots on my feet and slung my gray Zara handbag over my shoulder. I think GG herself would surely approve of my newfangled fashionista status.

What You Need to Replicate It: formal dress, hat, blazer, riding boots

Jess Day, New Girl

Who’s that girl? The quirky teacher is so much like me IRL, so this look should be a breeze to craft. I found this floral wrap dress in my closet and wore it with some ballet flats. Alternatively, I swapped out the floral dress for this hot pink one and wore it with a white cardigan over the top. Then, thank god for my poor vision this once, because I already had glasses like Jess!

What You Need to Replicate It: Printed sundress, cardigan, ballet flats

Carrie Bradshaw, The Carrie Diaries

I was nervous to pull off Carrie’s style from the SATC prequel because it’s set in the eighties and Carrie wears all sorts of prints, layers, shoulder pads, and accessories. Her adventurous style had me, a typically shy dresser, worried. I found this few-seasons-old, printed Trina Turk strapless sundress in my closet and knew this was so Carrie. To winter-fy it, I layered it underneath a white, long-sleeved tee. I completed this work with my favorite purple purse AKA my version of the Carrie bag and a statement necklace.

What You Need to Replicate It: Printed strapless sundress, plain long-sleeved tee for layering, large handbag, statement necklace

Samantha Jones, The Carrie Diaries

Carrie’s NYC bestie rocks a printed jumpsuit in many promo shots for the second season, and so, that was my inspiration. I threw on this Lilly Pulitzer for Target palm-leaf-printed jumpsuit with a pair of wedges and feel just as cool as Samantha. Plus, I decided to toss on a white vest at the last-minute for a layered look.

What You Need to Replicate It: Printed jumpsuit, wedges

Rachel Green, FRIENDS

Calling all nineties babies! There wasn’t a time during FRIENDS‘ tenure when we didn’t wish we could dress like Rachel, and guess what! It’s actually pretty easy to attain. Case in point as I paired my quilted leather skirt, fitted sweater, and riding boots together. If only there was a real-life Central Perk near me that I could go and show off my new ‘fit.

What You Need to Replicate It: Leather skirt, fitted sweater, riding boots, tights

Hanna Marin, Pretty Little Liars

Hanna was one of the few Rosewood girls that always looked so put together with flair. I found an easy way to replicate a classic Hanna look with this sleeveless pink blouse, printed floral military bomber, and dark jeans. I finished off the look with a long necklace and some heeled booties, and voila: Rosewood chic!

What You Need to Replicate It: Sleeveless blouse, printed blazer, dark jeans, long necklace, heeled booties

Jane Sloan, The Bold Type

Considering I’ve actually been told that I quite resemble the Scarlet writer IRL (true story, y’all) and since she has my dream job, obviously, I have to dress like her for this challenge. To do so, I put together this Who What Wear layered black skirt with a sleeveless, black button-down blouse tucked into the waistband (left). To finish off the look, I add some heels, threw my hair up in a high pony, and grabbed a black handbag. Alternatively, I created a different outfit that’s equally perfect for the Scarlet office (right). Here, my Kenzo x H&M off-the-shoulder blouse is paired with some ASOS pleather leggings, heeled booties, and a black purse. Then, of course, I needed a notebook as a prop to complete the shot, so I grabbed this marble-print one that reads “building my empire” because, on-brand.

What You Need to Replicate It:  Leather leggings or pants, off-the-shoulder or cold-shoulder blouse, booties, handbag

Kat Edison, The Bold Type

Just like Jane and their other bestie Sutton, Kat has an enviable wardrobe of her own. Taking inspo from her, I paired this multicolored Missoni for Target dress with a jean jacket and brown wedges. All together you get a professional yet casual look that just suits Kat to a tee.

What You Need to Replicate It: Printed dress, jean jacket, wedges

Kelsey Peters, Younger

The former Empirical publisher is such a fierce badass with a killer closet. And hey, I found something in my closet that reminds me of her! I put together this ivory, printed blouse (with a bow tied around my neck in true Kels fashion) with this matching tan miniskirt, some nude heels, and a colorful purse. Alternatively, I can swap out the tan skirt with a black pencil skirt for a different office-worthy look. I then brought in my iPad as a prop for the shoot, since Kels is always reading manuscripts on hers. Hey, I take my characterization very seriously!

What You Need to Replicate It: Peasant-style blouse, mini or pencil skirt, heels, colorful purse

Liza Miller, Younger

Kelsey’s friend and co-worker Liza also has a unique sense of dress that I think I can emulate. I pair another Missoni for Target shift dress with some black riding boots and a black purse hanging off my shoulder, and TBH, I feel just like Liza. Of course, I’m reading my beautiful hardback of Little Women as the ultimate Liza prop. (Side note: As I wrote this entry, Sutton Foster singing “Gimme Gimme” popped up on my shuffled Spotify playlist which is just so perfect considering she is Liza.) Then, I threw on a denim jacket to give it a layered look and transition this dress into a fall ‘fit.

What You Need to Replicate It: Printed dress, riding boots, black purse

There you have it! Sixteen different ways to bring your favorite TV characters to life based on the clothes you already own! Yes, these looks very much took me out of my comfort zone, but that’s the great part. These looks gave me all the confidence that, sure, I could rock any of these looks in my usual day-to-day activities, and I think I well.

How to Dress Like Your Favorite TV Characters: ‘Julie and the Phantoms’ Edition

Posted in Fashion, Miranda Tries New Things, Pop Culture by

So, I’ve been seeing this trend all over TikTok where all sorts of fans dress up as their favorite TV show characters. And since, I’m a JATP fantom, I’ve managed to see a lot of iterations of this based on Netflix’s Julie & the Phantoms. These videos are so incredibly clever, all about how these users manage to find some pretty close representatives of the show costumes in their own wardrobes. So, as the proper fangirl I am, I decided to jump on the bandwagon too.

With garments that have been pulled from my color-coordinated closet (TY for your inspo, The Home Edit), I’ve attempted to replicate six key show looks for everyday wear. Sure, not all are exact matches because I don’t have the show’s stylist, wardrobe closet, or budget at my disposal. But, I do have a packed closet of my own and a keen idea of my personal style. So, keep reading to find out how to dress like your fave Julie & the Phantoms character IRL, just as I’ve done.

Standing on the Edge of Great Like Julie

Yes, I’m holding a box of “girl stuff” and a notebook perfect for writing songs. #incharacter

Julie was a tad tricky for me because, usually, I don’t dress like a  “cool teen” like the JATP lead singer, so I had to improvise a bit. Paired with some ripped skinny jeans, I added this off-the-shoulder green, leopard-print, flowy blouse from Kenzo x H&M to complete my look. Then, I threw on some white sneakers from Keds to match. I thought this look is quite similar to the vibe of her “Edge of Great” butterfly look, which too has a whimsical, cool aesthetic.

What You Need to Replicate It: Jeans, off-the-shoulder printed blouse

Embracing My Inner Rockstar Ala Luke

Luke was an easy one to replicate, with his casual, wannabe musician look. To give it a Miranda Touch, I matched a pair of black jeans with a sleeveless concert tee. Alternatively, he’s the one band member to wear a Sunset Curve (hey, tell your friends!) tee on the daily, so I have that included too. I added a sleeveless Calia hoodie over it because that hoodie aesthetic is so Luke. I finished off the look with a pair of black booties to give it some edge.

What You Need to Replicate It: Sleeveless band tee, jeans, sleeveless or sleeved hoodie, beanie hat

I Wish I Had a Puppy, Pizza … or Outfits Like Reggie

Yes, because I was deeply in character, the middle photo is an homage to Reggie’s wish scene.

Bassist Reggie was another effortless look to put together. To do so, I paired some dark jeans with a white tank top and a black moto-inspired blazer. However, since I don’t have any flannel shirts, I found tying my faux Burberry scarf around my waist achieved a similar look. To complete the outfit, I added a pair of black booties to fully edge this ‘fit out.

What You Need to Replicate It: Jeans, white tank top, motorcycle jacket, flannel-like shirt

Taking Fashion Inspo From Alex AKA the Purest Ghost Ever

The sweetheart ghost himself brings such a casual vibe to the show, so I tried to emulate that. In order to make it a reality, I paired a plain pink tee over a denim jacket and jeans. To finish off the look, I added a black, backward-facing cap, naturally. Now, I don’t have a fanny pack to work with, but I do have a crossbody bag. Switching his fanny pack for my crossbody helps make this look even easier to wear modern-day because I don’t look like I’m perpetually stuck in 1995 like Alex on the show. Then, I added some sneakers on my feet since the look is quite casual.

What You Need to Replicate It: Pink tee, jean jacket, black hat, black crossbody or fanny pack

All Eyes Are on Me … as Carrie

Embracing my inner diva slash Carrie, even doing *that* “All Eyes on Me” head move.

While some of Carrie’s Dirty Candy ‘fits were v v cool, they are v v unlike anything I own. So, I went with a version of her preppy, all-pink ensemble from the school scenes. I matched a pink miniskirt with both a sleeveless, hot pink blouse and a pale pink sweater. I believe it achieves a similar look that Carrie could have rocked if she was in her mid-twenties and working in the corporate world. For my shoes, I added a pair of silver ballet flats. Then, for accessories, I went with a sparkly headband, a chunky jeweled necklace, and either a Lilly Pulitzer wristlet or Kate Spade purse.

What You Need to Replicate It: Pink blouse and skirt, any sparkly baubles

No One is as Cool as Flynn

Now, Flynn’s the most adventurous dresser on the show, IMO, which scared me a bit. So, hesitantly, I found a leopard-print sweater I owned and tucked it underneath a Minnie Mouse overall dress, and added some black booties underneath. It was a look I wasn’t sure about, but felt so cool and very fall while I was wearing it. It was my version of her “Flying Solo” getup. Alternatively, I wore a chunky black sweater underneath the overall dress and brought the leopard pattern with some Kate Spade flats instead. Also, since we mostly see Flynn at the school on the show, I added a chic brown leather backpack to accessorize the look. Sure, it’s a bit out there for my usual tastes, but I feel closer to Flynn’s style already and feel that much cooler.

What You Need to Replicate It: Overalls, leopard or chunky sweater

There you have it! Six different ways to bring Julie & the Phantoms to life based on clothes you already own! Stylish, edgy, casual, preppy, or cool — whatever your style, the JATP crew would think you’d rock their styles! And sure, these looks took me out of my comfort zone, but that’s the great part. These looks gave me all the confidence that, sure, I could rock any of these looks in my usual day-to-day activities.

Updated: My First Impressions on 40 Women Who May Date Matt James on ‘The Bachelor’

Posted in Pop Culture by

Yes, you read that correctly. Just a week before we started Clare’s (er, and Tayshia’s? Maybe? Who knows?) Bach journey on TV, the reality TV juggernaut dropped a handful of 40-plus women who may end up vying for the first black Bachelor’s (the extremely eligible nonprofit founder and former footballer Matt James) affections on TV next year.

So, per tradition, I’m back on this blog to dig into my first impressions, and all I can hope and pray that the producers did, like for Clare, bring us more relatable, diverse, and right-reasons people. Now, that producers have granted us access to the names, ages, hometowns, and headshots of these future influencers in training, let my first impressions blog post commence. Obviously, I’ll be basing this post off of first impressions from a photo and whatever info I can Google about each lady for now. But, once we get closer to a premiere and get an official bio and some fast facts from the network, this post may be amended to include more up-to-date deets that they’ll tell us. We have an update, y’all! Each first impression is now amended to discuss the 32 ladies who will be seen vying for Matt’s heart, based on their official ABC cast bios.

Abigail, 25, Client Financial Manager

A bit young on the age scale, but this Salem, Oregon native is giving me all sorts of wholesome vibes. Also, that picture looks like it was definitely her graduation photoshoot from college.

She lives in Portland and works in finance. According to the cast bios, she’s the first hearing-impaired contestant on the show, and I’m always down with the show promoting diverse backgrounds.

Can We Just: Her favorite way to approach a man is by “accidentally bumping into them.” Also, she loooves Calvin Harris “because his beats slap.” ‘Nuff said.

 

Alana, 26, Photographer

Hailing from San Antonio, Texas, I get serious Victoria Fuller vibes from the trainwreck that was Pilot Pete’s season. Now, she leaves in Canada and is very adventurous and independent.

She supports BLM, so she has a soul. That’s good to know.

Can We Just: A self-proclaimed queen of puns. We’ll see about that, darlin’.

 

 

 

Alicia, 24, Professional Ballerina

She’s from Morgantown, West Virginia, and definitely is on the younger age bracket of Matt’s contenders. Like, the cropped sweater, wrist scrunchie, and leopard belt all illustrate that. (She said, typing this while she had a scrunchie on her own wrist.)

She’s a professional ballerina, no, for real. So cool! She’s confident but not sappy, is not one for cheesy pick up lines, and is looking for an intelligent and respectful man. Aren’t we all, hun, aren’t we all.

Can We Just: She has a lot of loves, like every veggie but tomatoes and hot cocoa. I get it. But, it’s a lot of loves.

 

Amber, 30, Nursing Student

Right off the bat, we’re starting off strong in the appropriate age bracket with this Rialto, California lady. From what I can see, she definitely looks like a model slash wannabe influencer with the long blonde locks, big lips, that one-hand-in-her-hair pose, cutoff jean shorts. But, do my eyes deceive me or does she not have a thigh gap. WHICH LIKE PLEASE, finally, at least one contestant who’s not Barbie-thin! All I want to see.

Oh dear god, she’s an actress. Ugh. Producers, why. Stop doing this. OK, so she’s a single mom and is finally ready to focus on herself first.

Can We Just: Her physical type is “MATT JAMES!” Oh lord, can we get security on standby, gracias.

Anna, 24, Copywriter

A girl from Owatonna, Minnesota who looks young. Fresh-faced and authentic, sure, but baby-faced too. She seems friendly, like she’ll be able to make friends with most of the girls in the house.

She lives in Chicago, has a bubbly personality, and works as a copywriter. She also does improv and sells her clothes online. Ick, she was a high school cheer captain and STILL bragging about it.

Can We Just: Terrified of fish AND obsessed with cheese, huh, ok, we really need to have a chat over what constitutes a fun fact.

 

 

Bri, 24, Communications Manager

Woo, they do seem to be serious about more racial diversity! That’s a huge first step, but only a first step. The San Antonio, Texas girl may also be on the younger side, but looks very polished and maybe a bit timid. Which, timid is not the best because shy people go home on Night One.

Shy may be right, because I cannot find any deets about her online. Her bio says she’s “really something special,” and who is calling her that because I need to know. Oh, great she has the job of her dreams, now please don’t quit to be an influencer. I’m begging you. Be normal.

Can We Just: She’s openly admitting that brunching is one of her favorite activities. Sure, it’s a nice meal and all, but your favorite thing to do, ehhh…

Brittany, 23

Another baby for the class! Hailing from Chicago, she looks like any typical college student or recent grad. She looks like the girl who claims not to wear makeup, but actually wears 12 different products that make her look like she’s not wearing any cosmetics.

A model, DJ, and athlete. Of course. I’m rolling my eyes. Gah, producers, real people! That’s what we want. Not influencers in training.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

Carolyn, 30, Journalist

An East Coaster all the way from Newburyport, Massachusetts is on the way! She’s clearly got an edgy streak, what with an arm of different tattoo designs. IDK, there’s something here that I can see could be compatible with Matt, just thinking of the two of them side by side. One FB commenter remarked how at 30, she’s too old for Matt. Hun, she is only two years older than him. Why are we being ageist here??

She actually lives in LA, natch. And she’s a journalist by trade. OK, she’s independent, a serial monogamist, and spontaneous.

Can We Just: She likes postpunk music, and TBH, I have no clue what that is.

Casandra, 25, Social Worker

OK, here’s clearly an aspiring model, but someone Matt would be into maybe?? The Lodi, California gal looks very naturally pretty and I think Matt will definitely see that too.

She works in healthcare in Long Beach, and yea, def beachy vibes here.

Can We Just: Scared of the dark and openly admitting it. Oof, should we tell her about the show’s penchant for haunted house dates yet or nah.

 

 

 

Catalina, 29

Oooh, she’s from Caguas, Puerto Rico. Have we had a PR resident on the show before? She definitely looks like she’s a professional working girl with a real job and benefits, which yay, score one. Ooh, interesting, apparently she’s a past Miss Universe. I wonder what Matt thinks about beauty queens.

In addition to being a beauty queen, she’s an author and an attorney, which impressive.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

Chelsea, 29, Runway Model

Short hair alert! Apparently, do we need to note this now, because that’s just a rarity for the show, ugh. She hails from Marietta, Georgia and looks personable and normal, and like yea, I’d root for her and Matt.

She’s a model living life in NYC, per IG, but like a LEGIT model.

Can We Just: She loves Hot Cheetos and her fave meal is just snacks.

 

 

 

 

Corrinne, 22, Marketing Manager

Oof, another freaking baby? Producers, what’s going on?? But, this girl, another Corrinne is clearly a model or wannabe model. She’s from Pomfret, Connecticut and I’m getting popular girl vibes for sure.

Has a big family, whom she works for at their Italian restaurant. Oh, and Disney fan!

Can We Just: She once snuck into an abandoned insane asylum at night. Many follow up questions are needed.

 

 

Emani, 25, Realtor

She’s pretty and, like, she would look gorgeous standing beside Matt at the end. That’d be one good-looking couple. She’s from Albuquerque, New Mexico and looks very sweet and genuine.

She works in DC as a realtor, per LinkedIn. Seems very genuine and down to Earth, and is always down for solo dance parties at home. Huh, I knew I liked her!

Can We Just: Isn’t a “lovey-dovey” person which I get, but IDK about that for this show.

 

 

Illeana, 25, Health Food Developer

This girl, first off, needs a better photo because terrible lighting and she’s in shadows. But, also, I can deduce she’s a certain type of snooty, preppy girl because she has a golden cursive name necklace. She hails from South Salem, New York, and everyone remarks how she looks like Colton’s ex Cassie. Which, yikes. Bad flashback, sorry.

She’s a model, an NYC realtor, and co-founder of some healthy snack company. It debuts in 2021 and is called “Funky Monkey Energy,” which so does this season, and is so convenient, darlin’. I’m sorry, hun, but there will only be one CORN on the franchise. She’s described as the “perfect mix of beauty and brains,” and excuse me, I just threw up.

Can We Just: Her bio is just promoting her business. Like, hello, wrong reasons.

Jessenia, 27, Social Media Marketer

Catherine Lowe lookalike alert! She’s from San Antonio, Texas and she seems sweet, genuine, and like she’s here for the right reasons. I’d root for her too.

Apparently, she likes photography and works as a social media manager, thank you LinkedIn. She’s a former beauty queen and has three dogs.

Can We Just: She loves escape rooms. Like on purpose, huh.

 

 

 

Kaili, 26, Hostess

This San Diego, California girl gives me big-time Hannah Ann snooty vibes and like, crap. I don’t want that again. She looks like a mean, popular girl and far too materialistic.

Apparently, she works in hospitality, but that’s all I can find. Her bio sells her as a fun, witty, and charismatic lady.

Can We Just: Daily sunset runs. Bye.

 

 

 

Katie, 29, Bank Marketing Manager

She looks like a tomboy and someone who’s athletic, and I’m not mad at it. From one tomboy to another! She’s from Lynnwood, Washington and looks wholesome and kind.

She’s a TikToker! She has nearly 233,000 followers that people seem to like, but also has a real job it seems.

Can We Just: A fun date for her is going skinny dipping. Girl.

 

 

 

Kennedy, 23

From Washington, DC, but I’m just sick of these lil’ snooty babies. Because this pose gives me wannabe influencer vibes.

She’s a cheerleader for Washington Football. Apparently, she’s a business and tech analyst too and loves tacos. Which, who doesn’t?

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

 

 

Khaylah, 28, Healthcare Advocate

This Bronx, New York native looks like she’s super confident and that’ll turn the other ladies against her. But, that means they are just jelly.

She’s a portrait and fashion photog in North Carolina, based on her website. She’s also quite passionate about health in her community and giving back, which, like good for you.

Can We Just: Only likes camping if it is glamping. Oh, I’m cackling.

 

 

Kim, 28

She’s from Cypress, California, but doesn’t leave much of an impression on me based on her photo choice.

Her IG refers to herself as a “Professional Dumpling,” which um, PLEASE BE HER LOWER-THIRD CAREER, PRODUCERS.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

 

 

Kimberly, 28, Airline Recruiter

A bit #basic, yet still seems down-to-earth, relatable, and authentic. She hails from Lake Tapps, Washington.

Based on IG, she lives in Seattle and works in “corporate America” as a recruiter for Alaska Airlines, according to her LinkedIn. She’s a carefree soul apparently and is funny and loyal. Which, who wouldn’t say that about themselves.

Can We Just: Isn’t afraid of anything unless a man has a foot fetish. Oh, more cackling. I mean, she’s got a point, but like, I don’t know anyone who’d say that is their only fear.

 

Kit, 21, Socialite

It’s the class baby! She’s designer Cynthia Rowley’s daughter, so you know she’ll make it on the show and have killer outfits. She’s from New York City and I definitely get socialite-model-influencer vibes, for sure.

She’s already an influencer, thanks to what I see on her public IG, and she hosts a podcast alongside her famous mama. Ohhh, here’s some tea. She is still active on IG when Matt James already had his phone taken, which either means they haven’t taken her phone in the quarantine period, she got cut already, or someone else is posting on her account for her. I wonder. Admits to having high standards and hates men wearing flip-flops.

Can We Just: She surfs in high heels. Like a true socialite princess she is.

Kristin, 27, Attorney

She’s from Virginia Beach, and she seems confident, self-assured, humble, kind, and I want to root for her.

She’s an associate attorney based in NYC, specializing in “in sports, recreation, entertainment, product liability, and employment and labor litigation.” Well, she and Matt both live in Manhattan.

Can We Just: Oh, are pink roses really the way to your heart or is that a Bach reference you’re trying to make.

 

 

Lauren, 29, Corporate Attorney

Is this photo a little blurry or…?? She hails from Miami and IDK, I just can’t get a good read on her from this average photo.

She’s a lawyer based in Miami, which, we stan a driven woman. She’s in a book club, yay, we love Bach contenders who actually can read.

Can We Just: Terrified of lizards and frogs. Oh, we’ve got a lot of fears happening. Girls, just don’t tell the producers.

Madison, 27

She’s from Granger, Indiana and that makes sense. She gives me fresh-faced, All-American, small-town girl vibes from her friendly smile, modest outfit, natural curly hair, and low-key makeup look.

TEA TIME! Apparently, she already dated Matt last year. According to Reality Steve, the pair dated last summer when his best mate Tyler C. was seeing Zayn Malik’s current love Gigi Hadid. In fact, Madison and Matt were seen together at one of Gigi’s fashion shows, and they dated for a few months. Ooh, Kelley F. vibes anyone?

**No longer a part of this season**

 

Magi, 32, Pharmacist

Watch out, ladies, we’ve got a big-time contender here! IDK why, but I get good vibes from Magi. She’s like model-pretty, but still down-to-earth and approachable. She hails from Adwa, Ethiopia, and I just get the vibe that Matt would be lucky to date her. Also, M and M, how absolutely precious for future monograms. Just saying.

According to her Insta, which thank heavens is public, she’s a pharmacist and started a nonprofit to “help [kids] get 1 pair of shoes to safely walk to school for the entire semester.” Wow, driven and impressive. She’s got beauty and kindness with such an incredible story.

Can We Just: Best surprise was front row tickets to a Beyonce concert. Which like, the only Can We Just moment is HOW. Can you please enlighten us?

 

Mari, 24, Marketing Director

Hailing from Luquillo, Puerto Rico, this young lady gives me serious influencer-in-training vibes. It’s the pose, the fake enthusiastic smile, the stick-straight hair, the huge lips that read as inauthentic to me.

She’s a former beauty queen, who won Miss USA 2019 just two years ago and she’s from or lives in Maryland. Now that her pageant days are over, she has a real job and is looking for someone to settle down with.

Can We Just: Loves to sing but isn’t very good. Kudos for the honesty.

 

 

Marie, 25

Now this Sandusky, Ohio is like a Hannah Ann lookalike, which, oh brother. It may be the matching facial structure, dark brown wavy hair, or cropped off-the-shoulder top. But with all that, she seems more genuine and down-to-earth. Like, I’d be interested to see her thrive in Paradise. If we’ll ever have BIP again? That’s up to COVID, though.

IG stalking bears no fruit, but based on her LinkedIn, she’s a speech pathologist in LA.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

Marylynn, 28, Event Coordinator

Age is right on the money for this Huntington Beach, Cali girl. But, I just get influencer, model vibes again, which, like UGH.

Private Insta, lives in LA, blah blah blah, can you say basic? She’s on TikTok too, but not very active and just posts slow-mo walking vids.

Can We Just: Terrified of sharks, yet she grew up surfing.

 

 

 

Michelle, 27

Hailing from Woodbury, Minnesota, she seems friendly and natural-looking which makes her more approachable. However, I sort of get shy vibes. Which crap, because shy goes home on Night One.

Her IG, while public, only has two photos and she only joined this past April. Can’t find much else, so we’ll be going in blind on the premiere night next year.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

MJ, 23, Hair Stylist

Baby, baby, baby! She may not be the youngest girl of the bunch, but she looks like one of ’em. She hails from Hudson, Ohio and this photo was definitely her sorority graduation picture, for sure. I mean, you graduate college during a pandemic in one of the worst job markets in history. What else are you going to do besides sit on Mom and Dad’s couch for seven months? Applying for The Bachelor at least gives you something to do, a place to go, and maybe even a future Insta career.

She’s a hairstylist, according to IG, working on “lived-in color + hand-tied extensions” for clients, and she also does spray tans too. Oh, scratch that, she’s apparently a “beauty expert,” ohhhhh.

Can We Just: She loves disco music. That’s her fun fact.

Nicole Remy, 25

OK, she looks like a catch that Matt would be lucky to date! She’s from Lakewood, Washington, and I get authentic, friendly vibes all the way. Like, I can see all the girls wanting to be her friend and Matt wanting to get to know her.

Her IG bio boasts she’s a web developer and a former NFL cheerleader. That’s true, according to LinkedIn, she danced with the Seattle Seahawks for two years. Her colleagues in web development mentioned she’s great at what she does. Which, we love to see a woman being successful at work.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

Nicole Rovner, 31

Seriously, I guess do we need to start a Scrunchie Count this season?? They are all wearing one in their FB bio photos! Nicole R. #2 is from Wilmette, Illinois, but her lower-third will just say Chicago if she makes it on the show.

We’re going in blind here, because her IG is private with no bio and I can’t find anything else about her by Googling.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

Pieper, 24, Graduate Student

She’s from Happy Valley, Oregon, and has such a baby face. Like, she looks like a baby and also a wannabe influence. Like, she just thinks being an influencer is super cool and dreamy.

She is a model, because of course, based on some agency profiles. Then, according to her LinkedIn, she is a current grad student and is open to finding a new job. Well, maybe not until winter when the show’s done, right?

Can We Just: She doesn’t like picnics because of sitting on the ground to eat. Yes, really.

 

Rachael, 24, Graphic Designer

Oooh, she gives me Hannah Ann vibes. A Southern girl from Cumming, Georgia who’s quite young, up on the latest Gen Z fashion crazes, and dreams of being a #influencer.

Per her Facebook, I definitely get basic recent college grad vibes. She’s a “southern sweetheart” and is a hopeless romantic despite never being in love herself.

Can We Just: She’s “very neat with organization and cleanliness, and messy with plans and schedule,” which like walking contradictions, but, um, sure.

 

Ryan, 25

Hey, it’s definitely her repurposed LinkedIn headshot that she submitted to the producers. No questions. She hails from Mechanicsville, Virginia, where she seems like a young professional. And IDK, I just get the vibe that she’d be one of the early exits. Can’t deduce much about her personality, and also I think producers wouldn’t like that she looks like she’d stay out of drama.

Cool, she’s a dancer who was an Alvin Ailey Scholarship Program recipient and a performer on the show, POSE, according to her IG bio.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

Saneh, 25, IT Consultantnt

I get Alexis vibes from Nick’s season, aka the dolphin-shark girl. She’s from St. Augustine, Florida and looks like she’s empowered, confident, ready for love, and genuinely wants to meet Matt.

According to her Twitter, she lives in Denver where she works as a recruiter, and she went to the University of Florida for undergrad and her Masters. In case you were wondering, we are both connected to the Intern Queen herself, Lauren Berger, on LinkedIn. Wow, she really loves the outdoors.

Can We Just: Ran her first marathon at 16, ugh runners.

 

Sarah, 24, Broadcast Journalist

OKAY, she has to be a model. For sure. She’s from San Diego, California, and she could easily be a doppelganger for Alexis Rose on Schitt’s Creek. 

Per her private IG, her bio indicates she’s a journalist, host, model, and podcast host of the “From Here to Where Podcast.” Her podcast just launched in January, so what a great promo opp this show is, huh? She lives in LA and is big into fitness and empowerment, I guess, and wants a man that prioritizes that too.

Can We Just: TRAINED. FIRE. DANCER. IDK what that is, but um, please be her lower third.

 

Serena C., 24, Flight Attendant

She’s from San Bruno, California and this young lady just has the most precious baby face. Like, she matches the 21-year-olds in terms of youthfulness.

Oh goodie, we’ve got a fashion blogger on our hands here, but she hasn’t posted in a year. Her style is self-described as “contemporary street-style with the occasional bougie but always a little EXTRAAAA.” So, oh boy. Oh, she has a real job too. She’s a flight attendant based in San Fran. She’s a free spirit but high maintenance when it comes to dates and dating it seems.

Can We Just: “Nothing makes her happier than the perfect outfit” sounds quite shallow.

Serena P., 22, Publicist

Another baby comin’ in hot! And our first lady from Canada. She’s from Markham in Ontario, and her outfit’s bringing the edge. She looks like she cannot wait to start her own “Serena’s Style” YouTube channel or something.

According to her LinkedIn, she’s a marketing intern who is looking for FT work in Toronto. She began her internship this August, so did she leave for Bach OR was it a summer thing that ended? So, she’s logical and like sports.

Can We Just: She’s chronically hangry. How is that a fun fact?

 

Sydney, 28, Marketing Specialist

I’m getting so much Rachel Lindsay vibes for Lindsay’s lookalike! She’s a Southern gal from Franklin, Tennessee who seems like she has her priorities in order and knows what she wants, is settled in her career, and wants to find love.

Her IG is also private, but indicates she does marketing in Nashville for a local recruiting company, VACO Nashville. She’s strong and opinionated who won’t settle for just any man.

Can We Just: She loved Twilight, even those it is embarrassing to admit.

 

Talie, 24

This Belmont, North Carolina girl is giving me troublemaker vibes. It’s her pose. It’s the one-hand-on-her-hip, the forced smile, and the tight yellow dress.

According to her private IG, she’s a “recruiter and esthetician.” Her real name is Nitalia, and is also a writer who’s been through some hard shit, according to her blog.

**No longer a part of this season**

 

 

Victoria, 27, Queen

She’s from NYC and you can tell she wants to be a singer-songwriter. That’s clearly what this picture is from, right? Her demo tape that she sent to Nashville?

Apparently, she’s relocated to LA, natch, and has since deleted her IG page. How convenient, hmm. She’s launched a few health and beauty businesses and has a big personality.

Can We Just: I mean, her occupation is listed as queen. Dear lord, help us.

My Definitive Ranking of Every Song From ‘Julie and the Phantoms’

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In case you’ve been living under a rock this autumn, Kenny Ortega (the visionary director behind High School Musical and Descendants) has returned with his latest project. It’s a nine-episode Netflix Family series about a girl, Julie, who plays a CD of the tunes from ’90s boy band Sunset Curve (who sounds eerily similar to 5SOS, just saying) when the band — now [cute] ghosts — appear to her. So, naturally, they form a band together because they are all musically inclined. This show is one of my new favorite Netflix obsessions even though I’m way older its suggested demographics. But, oh well, it’s just that good. Part of the reason, I’m loving JATP is due to its bop-worthy soundtrack because all 15 tracks are massive hits, I promise you.

So, for all my fellow JATP-loving fans and unapologetic Sunset Curve stans, here’s my official, definitive ranking of the entire soundtrack.

15. “All Eyes on Me”

Sure, this track has a catchy beat that makes me want to dance like the girls of Dirty Candy, and Alex too, but that’s about it. Now, when the pandemic is over, who wants to join me and choreograph our own dance to this track and become our own version of Dirty Candy?

14. “I Got the Music”

Yes, these young ladies are absolutely, incredibly talented, but this just isn’t my type of music. It’s the hip hop-py vibe and yelling thing that I just can’t get into. But, it’s very upbeat and has me wishing I could be in a flash mob every day of my life.

13. “Wow”

Seriously, Carrie is poised to be a miniature pop star already. Girl has the drive, determination, and precision to be the leader of a girl group. Flawless, that’s right.

12. “You’ve Got Nothing to Lose”

What do you get when you put Broadway veteran Cheyenne Jackson in a musical TV show? A fabulous musical number, obviously. This track has a big-band feel that makes me want to get up and dance. Also, Dancing With the Stars producers are seriously lacking if they don’t give one of their couples a quickstep or something to this number. I need to see it.

11. “Wake Up”

Madison Reyes was born to sing and be a star, that’s for sure, and this track proves that tenfold. This is only No. 11 because it’s less catchy than some other tunes, and I’m less likely to have this stuck in my head, singing and dancing along at every aspect. It’s still incredible, because of her voice, just wow.

10. “Edge of Great”

Here’s pure proof that this band was meant to play together. Like, their chemistry as a group is just electric and gives me chills every time. Also, I just want to stand on all my furniture and belt out their tunes. Seriously, if there’s a concert, I’ll be first in line to buy tickets next to all the teenybopper fans.

9. “Flying Solo”

This ode to best friends is beyond precious, but also makes me wanna sing and dance along throughout my entire apartment. Next time you want to tell your besties how much you appreciate them for always supporting you, just send them this link and that alone will say a lot.

8. “The Other Side of Hollywood”

But this Cheyenne Jackson number is pure Broadway and I love this track for that exact reason. It has a 1920s-inspired groovy beat, and it’s everything us theater nerds love. It’s flashy, has killer vocals, and perfect dance breaks. Yes, please!

7. “Perfect Harmony”

This ballad is absolutely pure and romantic from the very first moment that Luke appears through the mirror to dance with Julie, and gah, I’m a puddle. It’s so freaking cute, my heart has melted for these two and this beautiful duet.

6.”This Band is Back (Reggie’s Jam)”

This feels like a backyard jam sesh and is just plain, good fun! It starts with my favorite line, “Come on, Reginald” which, of course, I say every time I listen to. It’s just such a fun, cute line because Reggie is so lovable and underrated as a character. This track is just for fun, I dig it.

5. “Now or Never”

The opening number of the entire show gives off so much 5 Seconds of Summer vibes, and as a 5SOS stan, I’m on board. It has that rocking boy band music type that makes me want to stan Sunset Curve as a massive fangirl (oops, too late). Now, excuse me as I go blast this track and dance around my apartment while I do my chores.

4. “Bright”

For the first time the band played together in front of a crowd, I have chills. Their chemistry together is electric, pure poetry, and I’m obsessed; just call me a Fantom already!! This band was just meant to play together, and then, uhh, Luke, his voice is like an angel.

3. “Finally Free”

I think the section where Luke and Julie share a mic, look deep into each other’s eyes, and repeat “I got a spark in me” is why I love this so much. They ooze chemistry and it just makes me melt, like gah, it’s so perfect. Other than that, it’s an upbeat track that makes me want to sing along and dance around. I love it. Also, I saw a TikTok theorizing that Kenny Ortega included this song as the follow-up to HSM‘s “Breaking Free,” which, ahhhh, that would be amazing.

2. “Stand Tall”

This song is now my go-to confidence-building, empowering track to power pose to before I have to do anything important. Seriously, hit play and then power pose for the duration of the track, it works every time. When the song ends, you’ll feel so freaking empowered and fierce, ready to conquer the world. Which, like, yes, we need more of that especially as women in today’s world. Plus, each of the guys’ solos make my heart race, and then Luke’s grand entrance, after nearly giving me a heart attack, was everything to see him get there and it made me smile.

1. “Unsaid Emily”

Here’s the big one. The all-time best. The one that makes me cry literally every single time I hear it. And if Spotify is on shuffle and this comes on, then I’m a goner. It’s so vulnerable and raw, but so beautiful and authentic that I’ll always stan Charlie Gillespie and his character of Luke because look at his range! Look at what this boy can do! Now, considering the emotional impact of “Unsaid Emily” and Luke’s backstory, I’m gonna need all the tissues when Season 2 (please, please, please renew this, Netflix!) gives us songs and moments about both Reggie’s and Alex’s backstories.

Listening to My Gut and Critiquing the Cast of ‘Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart’

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The Bachelor is getting musical, y’all. Well, technically, they always have been based on who goes on this show but now they are fully embracing that with their latest spin-off, The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart. 

After the garbage fire that was Pilot Pete’s season (which I stopped watching after episode 2, sorry not sorry) and the shitstorm that is the anxiety-ridden news right now, we need something mindless to lift our spirits. Luckily, ABC is here to do that with the new spin-off, premiering this April. On the show, the cast will *cough cough* journey to find love through musically themed, romantic dates.

Before the show debuts, the network has released the official cast bios for the aspiring musicians, and true to form, I’m here to give my authentic (and likely snarky) first thoughts.

So, it’s time to listen to my heart gut (see what I did there?) and meet the cast.

Bekah, 25

Genre: Musical theater

OMG, finally us musical theater nerds get a bit of representation! According to her bio, she follows her dreams professionally where things are going well, in sharp contrast to her love life. Sound right on par for most contestants.

Can We Just: She hopped a fence, with her mother, to attempt to see Kim Kardashian’s house. And admitted that out loud? Saying she’s never been on a date, sure that’s fair considering the history of this show. But um ok then??

Brandon, 34

Genre: American folk pop

Gasp, someone over the age of 30! He’s a veteran who has found solace in music, so I feel like I can’t be too negative since that’s so lovely.

Can We Just: He once opened for Jason Derulo in Times Square. How? I wanna know more, Derulo’s a sharp contrast from folk-type music.

 

Bri, 28

Genre: Pop

She seems like a hopeless romantic, blah blah blah, how very sugary sweet.

Can We Just: Gluten allergy? That’s your fun fact?

 

 

Cheyenne, 23

Genre: R&B

Look, we have our baby of the class! She wants to find someone with “strong masculine energy,” okie dokie, good luck with that, hun.

Can We Just: LOL, her fun fact is that she’s never been to a nightclub before. Well, sure that tracks, she’s only been legal and able to get in for less than two years.

Chris, 30

Genre: Soul

Paging Adam Sandler, because we’ve got a wedding singer here! Blah blah, he’s passionate to pursue his musical dreams.

Can We Just: Nothing to report here, he seems normal and even used to work for UNICEF, participating in mission trips globally.

 

Danny, 26

Genre: Singer-songwriter

Yea, that tracks based on his headshot. Wow, he has 1 million online followers. What, is that supposed to impress me? Or any girl looking for love? Like, he just looks like he has heartbreak written all over him. Nope, just nope.

Can We Just: He beatboxes too. Pass.

 

 

Gabe, 28

Genre: Soul/ folk

An all-american, Texas boy walks into the mansion… and that’s all I have so far.

Can We Just: Custom stationary. Can I get proof??? (LOL, I love papers, I wanna see!!)

 

Jack, 38

Genre: Country

Yee-haw, how long did it take to find a country artist for this show?? OK, he’s a single father who is looking for a partner to share a future with. That’s nice.

Can We Just: He “has a necklace tattoo in case he ever forgets his real necklace.” No.

Jamie, 21

Genre: Pop country

Scratch what I said earlier, she is our baby of the class! Sweet and fun-loving, apparently, but I get Hannah Ann vibes here. Gulp, here we go again.

Can We Just: The only thing she wants is for a guy to serenade her. That’s it? All you want, sweetie?

 

Josh, 31

Genre: Country and pop

Meh. Divorced, lives in Nashville, trying to make it. I feel like I’ve heard this one before.

Can We Just: Singing. Uber. Driver.

 

 

Julia, 27

Genre: Pop

Could they only find girls that were pop singers or something??

Can We Just: “She cannot wait to meet her husband!” Wow, a little strong there?

 

Mariana, 23

Genre: R&B and pop

Apparently she looks sweet, but has some spice. Oy, that means drama is coming. Ladies, best not stand in her way when it comes to a guy she likes.

Can We Just: Meh, nothing that interesting here.

 

Matt, 32

Genre: Neo-soul

What a shock, he caught “the bug” when we was young and moved to LA.

Can We Just: His “longest relationship has been with his beard.” I just.

 

 

Mel, 27

Genre: Indie rock

She dislikes the modern dating world and dating apps, which, don’t we all, hun. Don’t we all.

Can We Just: She “used to skip class to watch John Mayer videos,” which like, you couldn’t do that after or before classes??

 

Michael Todd, 31

Genre: Singer-songwriter

You know, he’s got a brand to consider when we get his full name. Didja know, he has a single that’s gotten 100,000+ plays on Spotify? Definitely here for his brand. Oy, please tell me he’s not another Jed; I won’t make it the full season!

Can We Just: “The man with two first names” is “the life of the party.” Blech, pass.

Natascha, 33

Genre: Pop

An international pop star, huh? Can you match the success of one Lizzie McGuire and Isabella duo??

Can We Just: She named one of her dogs “Frou Frou.” No joke.

 

 

Ruby, 25

Genre: Indie pop

Country girl, fiddle player, meh nothing else to report.

Can We Just: She’s “performed for all five living U.S. presidents.” Um, my dear, that is what we call a humble brag.

 

Rudi, 24

Genre: R&B and pop

Her hobby is napping, well, you got me there. Naps are great. Just ask Corinne.

Can We Just: “She knows that she has a crazy side,” and she’s volunteering that information to prospective dates and the whole world?

 

Russell, 26

Genre: American folk

An Indiana boy who moved to the Big Apple to pursue his dreams. Very typical.

Can We Just: He’s a knife-throwing instructor. Seriously, don’t wanna get on his bad side.

 

Alright, there you have it, folks. Well, see ya in April, Bach Nation, as we see if this can live up to the Bachelor hype we’ve come to love to hate.

First Impressions on the Women Vying for Roses on ‘The Bachelor’

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In case you’ve been living under a rock and missed the news that ABC crowned its new Bachelor leading man as soon as the Paradise beach closed for the season, to absolutely no one’s surprise, it’s Peter. Peter Weber, aka Pilot Pete from Hannah Brown’s most recent Bachelorette season, is a Delta airline pilot ready to take his own flight for love as the new leading man. Can you say “on the wings of love… part two??

Not that Pilot Pete isn’t swoonworthy, sweet, and full of, ahem, stamina, but we’ve had twenty-something seasons of Peters in previous years, and I’m bored. Why couldn’t we have just had Mike?? Or Wills? Gosh, ABC I’m still not over it. (And to the human who told me to my face that Mike got “too boring” after Paradise for the gig, SHAME ON YOU.)

Anyway, like the trash TV viewer I am, I’m still going to watch it. And since the January 2020 premiere date is just around the corner, the network has revealed the cheesy and funny cast bios of the women clamoring for a chance to be Peter’s copilot on this journey of love. Get ready as I reveal my honest first impressions of these influencers-in-training before they step out of the limo on TV this winter.

Alayah, 24

We’ve got our first beauty queen of the season, y’all! She may be Miss Texas now, but it took her four times to win. Maybe four times in Bach Nation is her next calling?? Apparently drama is coming with “familiar faces from her past [resurfacing].” Oy, have we not suffered enough from Hannah B. V. Caelynn??

Can We Just (A new feature where I break down something I just cannot believe a human being has said.): Her favorite social media platform is Reddit. Like, is that still a thing?

 

Alexa, 27

We’ve got a normie! By that I mean, she looks completely normal, like a real person with a sensible moral compass. She may have trouble being vulnerable, so I have a feeling her biggest hurdle to overcome is herself.

Fellow book nerd, FTW!

Can We Just: She moved to a brand-new city through a coin flip. Was that how she applied for this show too? Heads for Bach or Tails for Love Island?

 

Avonlea, 27

I kid you not, she’s actually a cattle rancher. But also a model, because, naturally. Her parents first met when her mom was a flight attendant. Which means, get your Bach bingo card ready for air travel references!! Hello, On the Wings of Love Part II.

Can We Just: “Every time she milks one of her cows, she thanks it for its hard work.” Marie Kondo approved.

 

 

 

Courtney, 26

After two failed relationships this Floridian is looking for a man and her soulmate. She really likes tanning, which like look at her photo; I get it.

Can We Just: Her biggest turn-on is a man in cowboy boots. Like the biggest? Most important quality?

 

 

 

 

Deandra, 23

She’s independent yet really likes to be the center of attention. Well, hun, someone wants to be the Bachelorette right?? Despite being fiercely independent, she still needs a man to kill a spider for her. Very interesting.

Can We Just: Her family has already set aside a seat for Peter at their holiday table just in case she wins. Oops?

 

 

 

Eunice, 23

We’ve got a flight attendant! A reformed sorority party girl, who’s left that lifestyle in the past. I mean, you’ve since graduated college, geez, I would hope so.

Can We Just: Her signature dance moves is the “ponytail helicopter.” What the F is that?

 

 

 

 

Hannah Ann, 23

Serious Hannah G. vibes from this country-girl turned model. Artsy, talkative. Ohhh do I get Alabama Hannah vibes actually?

Can We Just: She’s volunteering to the boy she wants to date (and other future boys she’ll date in Bach Nation) that she lives at home still. Bold choice.

 

 

 

 

Jade, 26

Here we go, y’all. Our second flight attendant of the season. Which air hostess will make the better first impression pun about their shared career in the sky?

Can We Just: She’s a flight attendant yet is very afraid of heights. Like.

 

 

 

Jasmine, 25

Another book nerd, hey, welcome aboard! She seems genuine, normal, and ready to find a husband and start popping out Bach Nation babies. I have a feeling we’ll see her in Paradise this summer.

Can We Just: The man of her dreams will help her build a table. That’s your benchmark goal? Uhhhh, alrighty then.

 

 

 

Jenna, 22

We have our baby of the class! A down-to-Earth Midwesterner who really takes her trivia nights seriously.

Can We Just: Her pet goldfish gives her advice? Is he magic??

 

 

 

 

Katrina, 28

#TheLastSingleGirl or that’s at least how this pro dancer feels in her circle. A cat lady who’s big into Aladdin and Princess Jasmine. Ashley I. vibes, anyone??

Can We Just: she dressed her cat up as her for Halloween, and she dressed up as the cat. Dead serious.

 

 

 

 

Kelley, 27

Seriously, Andi Dorfman is that you?? We’ve got a doppelgänger with this attorney. A focused lawyer with high standards who won’t settle. You Go Girl. I wouldn’t be mad to watch her journey continue in Paradise.

Can We Just: She’s allergic to black tea. That’s a thing? How do you find out about that allergy?

 

 

 

Kelsey, 28

We got another beauty queen fresh from the cornfields! I think Peter’s gonna like her, because it seems like blondes are his type.

Can We Just: Uh oh, she says she’s like an onion. Here we go, Ashley S. 2.0. Yikes.

 

 

 

 

 

Kiarra, 23

A social butterfly who loves to talk. Great, enjoy talking to the press because I think she’ll be an early exit.

Can We Just: She’s “extremely” turned off by teeth grinders. How oddly specific?

 

 

 

 

Kylie, 26

Ohhh, she’s gotta go far, right? A Cali girl, a family girl, and a planner. Seems like she and her mom already have Mr. and Mrs. Weber wedding invites monogrammed already.

Can We Just: She’s looking for a rom-com type of love. But like, that’s all staged and fake? Wouldn’t you want something real?

 

 

Lauren, 26

She’s a BAWSE lady looking for a partner in crime. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders, lets hope a little camera time and future Insta endorsements won’t cloud that.

Can We Just: She gives all her exes exit interviews. I mean, actually kind of brilliant.

 

 

 

Lexi, 26

Also, she looks like she’d be Peter’s type. Oh boy, she’s ready specifically for a baby daddy. Buckle up, Peter.

Can We Just: She’d rather be buried alive than trapped in a room with frogs.

 

 

 

 

Madison, 23

At 23, she’s ready to settle down?? Like, I just don’t understand. Very faith-oriented. Interesting place to be to find love then.

Can We Just: A former basketball girl. Who’s still gloating about her high school glory days.

 

 

 

 

Maurissa, 23

A former teen beauty queen! What a twist. Mazel, congrats on her impressive weight loss.

Can We Just: She likes to break into song when she’s feeling confident. Well, you better rein that in now, because copyright.

 

 

 

Megan, 26

Geez, a third flight attendant? What, were they having a sale? She’s a hopeless romantic who didn’t let her parents’ divorce mess her dreams of true love up. Wow, impressive.

Can We Just: A “face mask enthusiast.” ABC, please make that her lower-third career. Please.

 

 

 

 

Mykenna, 22

Another baby of the crew! She’s a fashion blogger, so clearly, she can’t wait for the FabFitFun Insta deals to start rolling in this spring.

Can We Just: She’s obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. Gotta get that ABC cross-promotion in, huh?

 

 

 

Natasha, 31

As Demi would call her “the cougar.” Her photo is not a great choice, the ABC photogs did her dirty with this one.

Can We Just: DISCO. YOGA.

 

 

 

 

 

Payton, 23

I can feel it: she’s a Level 5 clinger.

Can We Just: She admits to living in her parents’ basement. Like, thanks for sharing with the class but you definitely did not have to, girl.

 

 

 

 

Sarah, 24

A Southern Belle and book nerd!

Can We Just: She loathes slugs. Like loathes. That’s strong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Savannah, 27

She’s really ready to get out of Texas. How bout the Bachelor Mansion??

Can We Just: “She enjoys shopping at Revolve” and is really hoping for an endorsement deal after this is over. Sorry, had to give my edits.

 

 

 

 

Shiann, 27

Oof, she’s very unlucky in love. (I feel you, girl.) She loves traveling, so is that why she wanted to apply for this show?

Can We Just: The best part of her body is her lower back. How very specific.

 

 

 

 

 

Sydney, 24

Oof, another unlucky in love girl.

Can We Just: She enjoys planning fantasy vacations for her and her future husband. Why not actually go to those places??

 

 

 

 

Tammy, 24

She’s a house flipper! Hello, mini Joanna Gaines or JoJo Fletcher! She hasn’t told her mom she’s gonna be on the show, well, this bio is certainly one way to break the ice. I’d totally vote for her as Bachelorette, just saying. The 24-year-old young thing gives me pause, but her personality makes me think she’s mature enough or ready. Or at least, she’ll find her person in Paradise.

Can We Just: She doesn’t relate well to “blonde Barbie” types. Well, her time in the Mansion is sure to be quite interesting then.

Victoria F., 25

She wants a man to love her through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Hey, don’t we all?? A yogi and a medical sales rep, I can tell, while she may not find love on The Bachelor, she’ll walk away with some new besties. That is, if she makes it past L.A. dates.

Can We Just: She and her dog are a package deal. Again. bold move to start with that up front.

 

 

Victoria P., 27

Hey, I wonder if my family knows her family since they’re from the same time. Too weird? Ok, bye. Again, she seems like she’s just Peter’s type and will make it far and capture his attention. Ohh, and what do you know, she’s also a former pageant girl. What a shock.

Can We Just: Her biggest fear is chicken served on the bone. Welp. I think that beats scaredy-cat Annaliese.

 

 

 

And those are the ladies ready for the chance to romance Pilot Pete on national television. Who do you think will walk away with the Delta pilot’s final rose and who will snag the first management deal? And will Peter be the next star to compete on DWTS? Stay tuned this January for On the Wings of Love, Part II.