Analyzing This Year’s Crop of Bachelorette Contestants…

Because I enjoyed it so much during JoJo’s season, it’s that time of year again!

Once again, this post are my first impressions of the men only, straight from their ABC bio pages, exclusively. (And hopefully, some of these negative bios can prove me wrong next week when the show starts airing. (I DARE YOU.)

Without further ado, Rachel’s men…

OK, I thought this 27-year-old real estate agent seemed nice and friendly (i.e his most embarrassing moment was “when I told my mom I was going on the Bachelorette.”), then I kept reading.

Case in point:

  • Most romantic birthday present: “A threesome.”
  • Do you consider yourself a good cook: “Yes! I used to cook four-course meals in college and charge people. LOL” (So, he talks with ‘LOL,’ all caps??)

Reading very bro. Pass, Rachel, PASS.

Prediction: International.

He was the guy that won (sorry, spoiler) the group date hosted at the Ellen show. Initial reactions, like the Ellen audience, he is clearly attractive, looks-wise. Can his personality live up?

  • Do you consider yourself romantic: “Yes. I like to treat my significant other like a queen.” 😍 😍 😍
  • What is the most outrageous thing he’s done: “Ate a live salamander.” *goes to throw up*

Other than the salamander, WOW. I like this guy!

Well, Alex, you’ve got my vote (because that’s how this works, right?!?)

Prediction: Finale.

He’s done some awesome volunteer work globally! Good for you!

Prediction: See ya later after night 2 or 3.

Was he on the Ellen date too? Can’t recall.

First off, poor guy. He’s an aspiring drummer. Yikes. So, unemployed?

OH MY GOD his favorite flower is a red rose because he’s a “classic gentleman.” *rolling my eyes”


Prediction: U.S. travel dates.

So it seems like Blake is the “it” name this time around!

Did he copy his namesake’s answer on the roses thing? PASS.

Seems boring.

Prediction: He won’t go past L.A.

My god, he looks like a human Ken doll. Little creepy. (Anddddd… he’s a male model. Got it now.)

I’m getting wrong reasons vibes here.

Prediction: Middle of the pack. See ya in Paradise.

He looks like a country singer. Other than that, he looks very sweet. I like this guy.

Prediction: Final 5.

First thought: super wide jaw. OK, moving on.

  • Greatest achievement: “Making my parents proud and inspiring my little brother.” *swooning*

A few more adorable answers, and some general WTF moments as well.

Prediction: U.S. travel for sure.

Sad story alert. #MamasBoy *wiping my eyes*

He prefers “a woman who demands to be pursued,” good, because you’re on the right vehicle for that.

Prediction: A few group dates, at least.

He seems super sweet and friendly. Wait, did we meet him on After the Final Rose??? Can’t remember.

  • Ultimate date: “No cell phones, technology, just two people geeking out about life, love, goals, family, friends, music, movies, food, etc.” (That’s sweet.)
  • Greatest achievement: “Being a GREAT big brother. Since my kid sister was born, I have taken pride in not only loving her but teaching her about life.”

Yup, #TeamDeMario.

Prediction: Fantasy suites, baby.

One, “Devil Wears Prada” IS a great movie, points added. Nothing else special.

Prediction: Middle of the pack. He’ll find his best friends amongst his competitors.

Meh, not impressed.

Prediction: He won’t leave L.A.

He WAS on the Ellen date!

Which is perfect because….

  • If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be: “Ellen DeGeneres because she seems to love what she does and people’s days are brightened when they are around her.”

Prediction: Final 6.

Frat guy, and still loving it. Red flag, Rachel.

Immature and dad jokes. Ughhhhhh.

Prediction: L.A., duuuude.

Weird, he has the same best and worst attributes? Huh.

Prediction: He’ll leave night one.

With that name, he’s gotta be a stripper, a singer, or a model. No ifs, ands, or buts. (Plus, he has a first and last name, when there are no other Jacks.)

What? He’s an attorney? OK, I’m surprised. Then why the two names, dude? BUT, doesn’t he look like old school Nick Viall??? (I can’t unsee it!!)

Prediction: Middle of the pack.

He seems sweet.

Spoke too soon: his ideal girl looks like a model. Anndddd, we’re done with him.

Prediction: U.S. trippin’

Country boy? Yup, called that one.

Meh to his answers.

Prediction: Pack your passport!

He was also on the Ellen date! And asked when it was his turn to kiss Rachel.

WTF his job is “tickle monster.” No joke. WHAT?!?

Don’t like him. Same from the Ellen show date!

Prediction: See ya after a few weeks.

They can bond about their legal passions? Meh.

Prediction: L.A. dates only.

He’s a wrestler. For some reasons, I’m getting bad vibes.

Prediction: U.S. travels.

Pretty uneventful answer. Meh.

Prediction: Peace out after night one or two.

That is some high hairdo, wow. Getting some James Taylor vibes from JoJo’s season. But his hair is giving Jef vibes from Emily Maynard’s season.

Prediction: Grab your passport.

He looks like the character Lucas on Pretty Little Liars. Creepy.

WTF is an occupation of “whaboom??” Need clarification, please.

Preditction: Middle of the pack.

Looks like every other Bachelorette contestant. Meh, seems normal.

Prediction: Going abroad.

Couldn’t focus on this retired pro b-baller. Other than he eats paleo. Yikes.

Prediction: Travel dates, maybe.

He seems sweet and nice. What? He thinks being romantic is weak? PASS.

Prediction: U.S. traveling. Then, hola Paradise!

Forgettable vibes here.

Side note: ABC, what type of question is “Gluten?” Could you clarify??

Prediction: See ya in the first night exit limo.

He looks like he knows he’s handsome.

Seems grounded, normal, a few WTF stories. Eh.

(Was he the guy that said they kissed on Ellen??)

Prediction: Oh, he’s going abroad.

Rob looks super plain and forgettable.

Prediction: Byeee after night one or two!

He was the runner-up on the Ellen game show. He seems nice and personable from that appearance and his official headshot.

Prediction: Fantasy suites, at least.

That was fun! What are your thoughts, #BachelorNation? See you next week for viewing parties! Excited for Rachel’s journey (oops, start the drinking game now.) to air.

Judging this year’s “Bachelor” contestants

Since, I enjoyed judging the first impressions of “The Bachelorette” cast last year, it’s time to do it again in time for Nick Viall’s season!


Let’s go, first impressions only…

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-21-45-pm Alexis: Looks like a replica of Jade Tolbert from Paradise season 2. But lookalike factor aside, the aspiring dolphin trainer– I’m sorry, what? Is that code for unemployed? She seems average- very outdoorsy.

Prediction: She won’t make it past L.A. days, if past night one at all.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-25-49-pm Angela: Oh my gosh, it’s Britt 2.0! Wow, season of lookalikes, huh?… And she’s a model, sorry I’m getting Daniel flashbacks.

Prediction: Middle of the pack? I don’t see much substance from the girl who’d love to never have to drive anywhere herself again…

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-28-16-pm Astrid: aka a lookalike of Ashley I’s sister Lauren! Oh my gosh, producers what did you do??? Anyway, she’s now the third girl whose spirit animal is a dolphin!! Um, original thought much? She can’t live without “her mom, phone, lashes, yoga and red wine” aka she’s basic.

Prediction: International for sure, because she’s like every white American woman.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-32-24-pm Briana: Nurse– a good stable career. Seems very sweet, like she’ll make BFFs in the house. OH MY GOSH, SHE WOULD BE A DOLPHIN TOO???

Prediction: Final ten at least.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-34-46-pm Brittany: Seems normal. But, how is she the only one to get a “do you like camping” question? Where did that simplistic question come from? Was it Nick’s idea?

Prediction: Meh, middle of the pack.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-36-35-pm Christen: She’s from Oklahoma— does she know Chad??? Could Nick please ask her? Haha that could be a spinoff! Anyway, why did she say “dig it?” Weird. But, did she say “Wild Mustang” to try and be like Jade Tolbert?

Prediction: International dates.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-39-17-pm Corinne: Seems predictable. And did she say she loves Chicago, because that’s where Nick lives? Come on.

Prediction: I’m not quite sure how long she’ll last, because it seems like Nick likes brunettes (Andi, Kaitlyn, Jen…), but maybe she’ll stick around for a few dates in L.A.?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-41-47-pm Danielle L: She seems very basic as well.

Prediction: International dates maybe?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-43-11-pm Danielle M: Well, she’s age appropriate for Nick. Seems original in her responses… SAD STORY ALERT, she lost her fiance, I’m getting Juilia flashbacks– will I need tissues this season?

Prediction: Hometowns or final three? She seems original and deserving of love. #FortheRightReasons

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-46-05-pm Dominique: AND ANOTHER GIRL WHO WOULD BE OLIVIA POPE. Sorry, I’m getting tired of the repetitive, basic answers. Seems friendly though.

Prediction: A few L.A. dates. (cough cough, diversity quotient? I’m looking at you producers…)

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-48-34-pm Elizabeth “Liz”: Is this Jade Tolbert’s bestie/ maid of honor?? Answers so-so, meh. But she looks personable and nice. Looks like Nick’s type…

Prediction: Final three for sure.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-50-34-pm Elizabeth: She types with the “:)” emoji– is she a teenager? Seems super basic. But, WHY would you say your phobias that “would hinder certain dates??” Um, seems like the producers are planning to use those in deciding on dates, huh?

Prediction: International dates?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-53-30-pm Hailey: But, SHE LOOKS LIKE LACE! Unlike Lace, she seems to really be in tune with herself.

Prediction: L.A. dates?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-55-06-pm Ida Marie: Southern or country girl?? Yup, from Texas. Why does she have a tattoo of her dad’s birthday? Odd. Seems super young, like my age.

Prediction: Can’t get past night one.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-56-44-pm Jaimi: She’s catered the Oscars, that’s cool. For a chef, she’s a super picky eater with her diet plan… Seems normal, I’d root for her…

Prediction: A few weeks. See you in Paradise?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-2-58-57-pm Jasmine B: Seems friendly, normal. But, if she’s not willing to pursue a man (Nick), why is she here???

Prediction: First international date?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-00-29-pm Jasmine G: Seems basic. Meh, not impressed.

Prediction: Week two or three?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-01-44-pm Josephine: Poor girl, her bio says unemployed… I would never want it to say that, I’d sooner choose some fake hobby than advertise unemployment…

Prediction: She won’t make it past night one.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-03-36-pm Kristina: Well, she looks like Nick’s type…

Prediction: Final three.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-04-45-pm Lacey: OH GOD, if her limo exit is a pun on Lace from last season…. Anyway, watching Dancing With the Stars– good plug, ABC?

Prediction: U.S. travel date 1 or 2?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-14-12-pm Lauren: Looks Like Lauren B a tad. Seems predictable. AND SHE’D BE A DOLPHIN TOO???

Prediction: Hometowns.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-15-59-pm Michelle: Seems nice, personable. Looks very young.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-17-06-pm Olivia: SAD STORY ALERT (her ex was addicted to pills). Meh, kind of forgettable.

Prediction: L.A. dates? U.S. travel date?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-18-47-pm Rachel: Good stable career, age-appropriate. Seems like a Right Reasons girl, but IDK what Nick will think of her…

Prediction: International date 1?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-20-14-pm Raven: Getting a “wrong reasons” vibe from her photo alone…

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-21-40-pm Sarah: Giving me Lauren H vibes, or is that just due to her being a teacher? Did she just quote “Annie” or did she really move to New York broke??? Sweet disposition.

Prediction: Um, international dates for sure.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-23-50-pm Susannah: Meh, average.

Prediction: International date 1?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-25-06-pm Taylor: One word answers, aka forgettable.

Prediction: Night two?

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-27-57-pm Vanessa: Seems normal. But, yet really interested in the idea of a promise ring…

Prediction: She’ll stay a few weeks in L.A.

screen-shot-2016-12-07-at-3-29-33-pm Whitney: I can’t tell if this pose is leaning more villain/model or really shy to me?? Generic answers.

Prediction: Final three, maybe?

Well, this was way more fun to do with JoJo’s guys. This was boring. Nick’s girls are forgettable. No clear standouts either way… I guess I’ll have to watch more in January for Nick’s redemption shot, and what will likely be a third time to pick out a ring with Neil Lane!

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Is this too judgmental?– Analyzing this year’s crop of Bachelorette contestants

As you may know about me by now, my guilty pleasure (if you can call it “guilty”) is all things reality TV, especially it’s holy grail The BachelorThe Bachelorette.

And recently, ABC has released photos and bios of the 26 men competing for the chance to date (and eventually propose to) this season’s Bachelorette JoJo Fletcher, who many will remember as the second woman Bachelor Ben Higgins said he loved and then promptly dumped to pick her competition, Lauren B.

And since #BachelorNation (me included) pretty much just watched the show to judge contestants and to see the insane drama, I thought I’d start with a post all about my first impressions of the men, straight from their ABC bio pages, exclusively.

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The obligatory group shot! Trying hard to figure out which outfit to judge harder: the santa suit or the guy that decided to steal JoJo’s look– and stand right next to her so they look like twins??

Let’s start analyzing her guys:

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.20 PM Alex: 25-year-old U.S. Marine (good, noble career), seems normal, like a good guy.

Prediction: should make it pretty far, but probably will tragically get cut for not getting his fair time, so Chris Harrison will likely ship him out to Mexico for the next installment of Bachelor in Paradise, much like Tanner (1/2 of Janner).

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.38 PMAli: 27-year-old bartender (so not a totally stable career), also how do you pronounce his name (is it Ah-lee? or Ali? Is he Prince Ali aka Aladdin??), AND if the first words that follow “I love it when my date” is “dresses sexy,” PLEASE move along– you don’t want a woman who’s firstly intelligent, humorous, sweet, kind, generous, or one of a million better descriptions?

Prediction: there a few solid weeks at least?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.42 PM Brandon: the 28-year-old who listed his career as “hipster.” No joke. Well, he does have that vibe down…

Prediction: First or second night exit limo??

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.49 PM Chad: Right off the bat, I’m thinking this guy will be an uber-jerk and trouble. I mean, isn’t the name “Chad” such a red-flag name? Not mention the name of JoJo’s still-into-her ex-boyfriend from Ben’s season. Case in point from his bio, he answered THREE separate questions the exact same: Who do you admire most in the world and why? “Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright” and “If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? “Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.”

Prediction: For some unknown, JoJo will probably keep him around through international dates, you know for ratings. But if he’s bugging me now with a photo, a name and answers to written questions- I’m over him.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.02.55 PM Chase: He just looks like a good guy. Like you can tell the 27-year-old sales rep respects women, is there for the right reasons and is ready to settle down. #TeamChase for the final rose.

Prediction: My ideal Bachelor bracket would probably have him at the end.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.01 PM Christian: Seems pretty cookie-cutter. His bucket list answer is sweet, though: ” 1) Build a relationship with Mark Cuban and earn his respect. 2) Take a trip to space to experience the process and snap some epic selfies! 3) Spoil my grandchildren.”

Prediction: He’s probably only there as the “diverse” contestant. Am I close, Bachelor producers?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.07 PM First off, what type of name is “Coley??” And second, odd-shaped head. (Hey, I warned you this is all purely my first impressions!! Raw.) Meh, nothing really sticks out.

Prediction: Middle of the pack? Or third elimination?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.13 PM Derek: Well, he looks like most every past Bachelorette contestant, right?!? Seems average, but one question: who has a deep fear of “fluffy kittens??” Red flag on that one, dude. #TeamDerek please.

Prediction: Should make it pretty far and will likely get eliminated for not having enough time, before being sent by Chris Harrison to meet Ben Higgins’ reject in Paradise in August…

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.19 PM Daniel: He looks like a male model or at least a bartender. Please tell me I’m right. –And yes I am. His answers make me take an immediate disliking to him. Case in point: Tattoos? “No, same reason you don’t put stickers on a lambo” AND Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public? “Very comfortable. Why have a lamb if you park in the garage?” Cocky much, dude? Hard pass on this guy.

Prediction: He’ll make it at least halfway and cause all the drama for being “better looking than the rest,” similar to JJ from Kaitlyn’s season.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.26 PM Evan: Oh, his career is—- “Erectile Dysfunction Expert.” Ohhhhkayyyyyy…… How’d he explain on television? Just curious. Remember Kaitlyn’s “Amateur Sex Coach” didn’t advance past night one… Also, he said he’s want to be Trump for the day “to see what the heck is in that guy’s head.” Okay?? And his favorite type of dancing is “booty???” (As if I knew what that really was.) And how is “being in touch with [your] sexual energy” an answer to Are You a Romantic? *backing away slowly*

Prediction: Fifth guy to get the boot?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.32 PM Grant: The firefighter at first glance is definitely physically attractive. Point one to him. His answers are sweet and cute… I mean his greatest achievement in life is “saving a life.” No, duh– he’s a fireman.

Prediction: Again, the diversity guy, but he’ll probably last the longest of all the diverse guys, TBH.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.37 PM Jake: He answered Where do you see yourself in five years? with “Married to the Bachelorette with our first child.” JoJo, run away fast! He’s already thinking marriage to YOU before you even meet– huge red flag.

Prediction: Another diversity candidate who probably won’t last long, TBH. (Not that I think diversity is bad, I’m basing my predictions based on the past seasons of the show.)

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.43 PM James #1 (fine, F.): Looks like a poor man’s Farmer Chris Soules. Right?? (Might just be the shirt, but I’m not quite sure.) Answers: meh.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.49 PM James #2 (I mean, S.): His occupation is literally listed as “Bachelor Superfan!!” Literally. Which is code for unemployed, am I right? Also, JoJo– red flag alert! If he’s a superfan, how do you know he’s not here just for the sake of being here??

Prediction: Night 3 going home.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.03.54 PM James #3 (Oh, Taylor. Why does he get to go by both names?): If he’s not a singer-songwriter with that name… And shocker, of course he is.. And, for the love of God, his favorite flower is a “red rose…” Oh, please be kidding.

Prediction: Will make it the farthest of all the James. Middle of the pack? International Date 1?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.03 PM Jonathan: Eh. Not standing out.

Prediction: Won’t make it out of L.A., if past the first night at all.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.08 PM Jordan: The most publicized contender as a former pro football player and the younger brother of a professional NFL’er. (Don’t you dare ask me who. You’re lucky I know quarterback is in football, which is the NFL.) Cutest answer of who he admires: “My grandparents. They broke the mold after their generation. They are the most loving people and best example of love and selflessness.” Bonus point for that.

Prediction: Oh, he’ll go international for those dates, for sure, perhaps even to hometowns…

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.12 PM Luke: If he’s not a male model…. Unclear, but he is a war veteran, so how could producers mess with his image? (EASILY. Just ask Jubilee from Ben’s season, which I’m still not over.) But his photo is giving him “villain” status… You know I’m right…

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.22 PM Nick #1: (Oh, I’m sorry B.): Seriously another one who’s favorite flowers are the “red roses [he’ll] received from the Bachelorette???” Over that.

Prediction: Middle of the pack, absolutely. Boring, so he’ll probably make it through L.A. and make the first U.S. destination?

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.28 PMNick #2 (Okay, S.): Reading very college frat boy in this picture to me. Has some sweet answers, and he’s obviously a decent person if he’s an Eagle Scout, but if that, a high school accomplishment, is the greatest achievement to date for a 26-year-old, that might be sad…

Prediction: He’ll make it abroad, but won’t make it to hometowns.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.34 PM Peter: Ehhhh…. Note for Peter: saying your greatest achievement is being “promoted at every job” makes you look a little cocky, in my opinion.

Prediction: He’ll at least stay through L.A. weeks.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.42 PM Robby: He’s a former competitive swimmer, so he’s unemployed now? But, yea, he definitely has the swimmer vibe, oh that’s just his hair. Seems very sweet, but looks almost too perfect/ too good to be reality?

Prediction: Hometowns at least.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.47 PM Sal: Nothing sticks out here. Totally an Average Joe.

Prediction: He can’t get passed night one.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.52 PM Vinny: If the first thing I thought of when reading your name is “Jersey Shore,” that’s not good, buddy. Seems like a “bro.” Pass.

Prediction: Leaves on one of the first two nights.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.04.57 PM Wells: First, what type of name is Wells? Is that a real name? Did his parents happen to like wells or they had one at home? I’m more interested in how he got that name… Oh, is it a DJ nickname? If that’s the case: red flag– nicknamed guys never fare well. And how do you not like pizza????

Prediction: Leaves on second or third night.

Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 3.05.02 PM Lastly, Will: looks very average for a Bachelorette contestant. Answers fine.

Prediction: Middle of the pack?

So, there’s some keepers, some to toss out immediately and some middle-ground guys. What are your thoughts and this season’s crop of contenders? Will JoJo find her dream husband here? Should be an interesting season, you know I’ll be watching.

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