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7 New Books I Can’t Get Out of My Head This Fall

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Holy cow, it’s almost autumn already?? Where has the time gone so quickly? Like, holy crap. Speedy indoor summer, ugh. Well, I’ve kept busy by reading, reading, and oh yea, more reading. I mean, is anyone surprised? And these books are sure to keep you all busy as you stay home and socially distanced from others.

So, welcome back to Miranda’s Book Nook with more of my latest book recommendations that’ll keep you company all autumn long. I hope you find these books as engaging, fun, and comforting as I have.

Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

The second I first learned that Kevin Kwan was coming out with his first new book since the worldwide phenomenon that is the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy, I was stoked. Here, we get a brand-new tale of a young woman torn between two men: her influential WASPy fiancé and George Zao, the man her family’s tried to keep away from her since she was a teenager. Y’all, let me just say that this book was so indulging and deliciously decadent that I just couldn’t put it down and had to devour it in a single setting. Sorry not sorry, it’s so juicy, dramatic, and engaging.

Available: Now

Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer

Yes, I used to be a Twihard, and yes, I read this new Twilight book within days of its initial publication release. Duh. I mean, was that ever a question? If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that fandom never really goes away (thanks Hunger Games, Jonas Brothers, and One Direction); it just lays dormant for a bit — and can come back with a vengeance, just as strong as ever.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Stephenie Meyer went back and rewrote the first book in her bestselling saga from Edward’s angsty teen boy slash vampire perspective. After the first draft was leaked and posted online years back, now, she’s finally finished it and it is here! So, what’s it about? It’s the same time frame, plot points, and characters first seen in Twilight, just flipped around and told from Edward’s side aka the lion’s instead of the lamb’s. This companion novel takes on a darker side as vampire Edward attempts to stay away from Bella or if he’s meant to kill her and drink her blood rather than fall in love. It’s definitely a lot darker and angstier than the original, and I definitely was intrigued by this darker version.

Reading this book seriously felt like I was back in middle school, in the heyday of my Twilight obsession, staying up way too late each night just to finish another chapter. Because, that’s been me for the week it first was out. Now, it’s nearly 700 pages, which like what a chunker, and I could barely hold it, LOL. But, it’s so much fun to go back to this beloved franchise and see it from a different perspective. I liked that it was Edward’s, one because he was the other main character besides Bella, and two because as a mind reader, that means we also get to see the viewpoints of the other Cullens (and their backgrounds!) and Forks students. That part was super fun. Plus, Edward had some zingers, like when he retorts “no blood, no foul” about himself in response to a question about being hurt. Literally made me chuckle out loud.

Available: Now

CLUELESS: A Totally Classic Picture Book by G.M. Berrow, Illustrated by Heather Burns

Yes, you read that correctly. Amy Heckerling’s totally tubular, iconic ’90s cult classic has been reworked into a children’s picture book, and I’m totally buggin’ out about it. Like, obviously the movie is a classic that I can still quote every line and then I had to see the original musical years back because I love this 90s-style world so much. A book about it, like yes, please! The book, out just in time for the movie’s 25th anniversary, reimagines the Bronson Alcott students as pint-sized fashionistas living their best lives in elementary school. This is an awesome way to share your love of this tubular flick with your little ones and introduce them to a good teen movie.

This illustrated children’s book features all the classic nostalgia, Easter eggs, characters, fashion-forward ensembles, but all kid-friendly, obviously. Here, we follow precious tots Cher and Dionne who meet newbie Tai at Bronson Alcott Elementary. Tai, much like her film counterpart, is a fan of skateboarding and baggy clothes. Cher and Dionne are determined to help make their new bestie fit in with the stylish Beverly Hills crowd as these popular kiddos try to tell her how to dress or what hobbies she should like. But in the end, they realize that everyone’s different and that what makes them so flipping awesome!

We have Cher’s classic home, the same like way-classic language from the film, her computer program to match outfits (which I’m still waiting on IRL, plaid matching outfits (!!), all her rad friends, epic fashion looks that are exactly as we remember from the movie, and a sweet story about fitting in, standing out, and friendship. Just the romances are missing, after all, it is a book for kids. It’s precious and you’d like totally be missing out if this wasn’t added to any young kiddo’s reading list. Missing this picture book? OMG, as if! Thanks to a physical advance copy, courtesy of Hachette Book Group, I’ll definitely be reading this to my young cousins every time I see them. Sorry, but they need to be educated about the iconic world that is Clueless.

Available: September 1

Image Courtesy: Clueless TM & © 2020 Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

Charming as a Verb by Ben Philippe*

First off, nearly every single Netgalley review for this new YA novel gives it either four or five stars (out of five), which to me indicates that it has to be something special. And after reading the first few pages alone, I can confirm it most definitely is. After only a couple pages, I desperately want and need to keep reading because the narrator Henri’s point of view is just so relatable, authentic, engaging, and completely captivating.

This diverse teen romance (yes, this is what we need more of in the genre!!) is whip-smart, fun, and relatable for many readers. Henri “Halti” is a NYC native, the first-generation son of Haitian immigrants, and who is the epitome of a charming, well-liked teenage boy. He’s smart, a good kid, an entrepreneurial dog walker. He started his own part-time dog walking site/brand as a way to help pay for college tuition for next year, and his eyes are set on Columbia University. At first, he doesn’t notice Corinne Troy as anything but the hyper-smart, annoying girl from school. She’s sort of his school rival as they push one another’s buttons. She’s a very Type A student and seems perfect to him. After she moves into his building on the Upper West Side and her mom hires Halti to walk her new pooch Palm Tree, she soon discovers his scheme and blackmails him to help her become popular with their school peers (and seem less intense about academics) in exchange for her silence about the truth of his business. (Side note: I love Corinne, hahaha she’s a gem and quite a fun character!)

It’s a quick, fun YA read that I have a hard time setting down because it’s just so enjoyable, even so early in the book. Philippe’s tone of voice for Henri is so witty and genuine, which makes this book even more captivating. There’s such a precious, innocent slow burn romance that’s perfectly timed with the book’s pace which was absolutely adorable and I can’t stop smiling, it’s that cute. By the ending, Henri did a stupid, stupid, dumb thing because he was so desperate to get into Columbia, and it made me so so pissed. But, in the end, that’s a good thing for this book because I could feel his emotions and it made me feel things as any good novel should. In the end, wow, it’s so raw and vulnerable, but then the epilogue delivers the cute HEA we all craved and that made me Smile.

Available: September 8

The Key to Love by Betsy St. Amant*

This was a sugary-sweet romance, and honestly, that’s really all I could say. It’s wholesome and pleasant, but sometimes you just need that. Here, pastry chef Bri hails from a small town in Kansas and she’s ever the romantic, willing to wait however long it takes for her own HEA and prince to show up. In contrast, gruff travel writer Gerard is anything but, and a past relationship has made him jaded to the ideas of love. He’s assigned to cover the bakery where she works, which has gone viral thanks to a love lock wall in the backyard, the owners’ matchmaking schemes, a European theme, and a “cute blonde who works there.” And by the first page, I’m already dreaming of macarons.

It’s clearly set up to be a cutesy, wholesome opposites-attract trope, and it doesn’t get off to the best start for this reader. It’s told in back and forth perspectives and it’s a super slowww slow-burn and enemies-to-lovers romance with banter. Like OMG, them quoting Pride and Prejudice to each other in French is so adorable and funny. It’s fun, sweet, and cute. That’s about it. Then, it gets very emotionally charged by the end with a reveal about her parents and a big bombshell, however, all that feels like an at-the-buzzer revelation that could have been teased or started earlier.

The writing is good and captivating, but there’s no extra oomph to make this book shine, and it ends up as another cutesy baking romance story. Then, each chapter ends with a cliffhanger that’s barely addressed in the next section or from the other point of view and it feels abrupt and catches you off guard because there are so many lingering questions left as a new time frame, event, or something is revealed. Then, the ending gets super religious, which almost comes out of left field because religious beliefs and God-talk wasn’t even addressed until the tail end. It caught me off guard because religion wasn’t really mentioned as a guiding factor at any point beforehand. Then, the end of the book didn’t address her final actions before they got their HEA, and to me, it feels like part of their, and her, journey is incomplete as individuals and as a pair. 

Available: October 13

The Transatlantic Book Club by Felicity Hayes-McCoy*

First off, the Irish setting gives me so much wanderlust and the bookish storyline makes me happy! In this multicultural Irish family fictional story, the story follows communities across both a small Irish town and an American town chock full of Irish immigrants.

It starts off with Cassie, who moves back to Ireland to be with her grandma after her grandfather passes away, and soon after that, the duo heads to this small US town where her Gran Pat had once visited her cousin as a teen. Once back in Ireland after the trip, Cassie takes a part-time job at the local library, which like, yay, I love bookish themes in my novels! Immediately, there are several narrators between Cassie, Pat, librarian Hannah and her mom Mary, all of whom can be a bit difficult to discern who’s who with so much happening all at once; The novel’s very ambitious in that way. Plus, in the beginning, several chapters are purely exposition and intros, and it’s very, very slow to get into the main story. The main idea is that Cassie sets up a transatlantic book club for the both the towns of Lissberg and Resolve, where they’ll chat weekly, at one time, via Skype about a book, or just a social call. This book features so much descriptive language that plays out like a movie in my head, but having too many points of view is making things difficult to keep track of, along with barely any transition between flashbacks and the present-day setting. That part feels abrupt and confusing as a reader. However, something clearly happened in the past and I’m very curious to find out what. There’s not a ton of action throughout and it wasn’t easy to get into.  I wanted to love it so badly because books and travel are my weakness, however, I just couldn’t get into this one, unfortunately. It was fine, but nothing more than that.

Available: November 10

Pretending by Holly Bourne*

OK, this latest ARC! I loved it, now I don’t think it’s five-star worthy because one, that’d hard to achieve and two, it’s something I’d go to reread actively. But, I did thoroughly enjoy this women’s fiction (which should just be fiction in general, but I digress) novel. From page one,  narrator April is snarky, relatable, witty, and I just love this tone and language. It’s so relatable and fun that I just want to keep reading. Then, it’s set in London, which is my ultimate guilty pleasure as an Anglophile, so yay, score one. I’m like super into this novel from so early on, mainly because April feels so honest and real. She’s vulnerable and genuine, making a stellar protagonist and I’m so invested in her journey and story.

Now, April, at the beginning, hasn’t exactly had the best luck with men (join the club, girl, join the club), and she’d fed up with that shit. So, she’s after revenge on any guy that’s hurt any girl and made them worthless. She sets out to make a new dating profile and date (or catfish) men as Gretel, the girl in her head that she thinks men want and is the complete opposite of the real her. This way she can break their hearts like they so often do to her. She matches with Joshua, who just seems so endearing and sweet, like I keep saying ‘aww precious’ about everything he does, that, and their first date is super cute, except that she’s pretending to be someone else. But, this experiment is helping the real her because April is becoming more confident and not overanalyzing every little detail, but of course, she starts to see they are quite compatible even though she’s admitted that he’s not good-looking, not bad-looking, and not a good kisser, like eesh. DM conversations help show the passage of time and recount different days and dates to move things along. It’s just so vulnerable and open, which makes everything feel so real and raw. Josh is so endearing yet a bit clueless, so I’m not sure if they really have this connection and he’s The Guy because he is falling for the fake her and he’s super clingy.

All in all, this book is witty and captivating, and I can’t put it down; I have to keep reading.  I loved this read because I get it, everything April feels, and it’s real, authentic, yet still frothy, light, and fun that keeps you turning the pages. So many women’s fiction nowadays revolve around a man or romance, and getting a man to fall in love with a girl, her needing or wanting love. And it’s refreshing to see that this book isn’t that because love and relationships are real, raw, and messy, just like life really is. I just want more content, and have so many lingering questions about where her story goes from here. There’s an epilogue that is quite ambiguous, so you can’t help but wonder who is that man at the end she speaks of, like is it Josh or someone else? I have so many questions left and I just want to know and keep reading more!

Also, the book definitely needs a trigger warning as April discusses and deals with her past sexual assault. But, I think it’s brave that she’s acknowledging and searching for a way to move forward, but it could definitely be triggering depending on your past.

Available: November 17

*Advance reader copies of several of the books listed were provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

19 of My Favorite Book Boyfriends That Ruin the Mere Idea of Dating

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I think this title pretty much says it all. As you may have gathered by now, as frequent visitors to Miranda’s Book Nook, I’m a big fan of romance books. Because, especially in today’s uncertain and disheartened world, these books and the sweeping HEAs never fail to put a smile on my face and make me feel happier.

But, these love interests are fictional. Like seriously, where on Earth are these soulmate types IRL? I mean, where’s a Peeta Mellark, Bo Lawson, or even a Drew Nichols in reality, and how’s a girl supposed to find him amongst the billions of people roaming around? Since these dream dates aren’t sniffing around in the real world, I guess I’ll settle to read about these picture-perfect matches where heartbreak isn’t a major concern. (Seriously, why don’t I see these types of devoted book BFs pop up on Hinge, huh?)

This is not a ranking per se, but rather a comprehensive list of all my favorite (recent and all-time) fictional boyfriends across my favorite romance, YA, and women’s fiction novels. These guys just take such an interest in the girl they are crushing on, truly caring about her wellbeing and happiness for who she is — baggage be damned. And in the end, we get a picture-perfect love story that, sure, doesn’t exist IRL, but they feel just right and genuine, which is everything that us single girls could ever dream of for a match.

Seriously, all my fellow single ladies, prepare to swoon.

Writer’s Note: This may be an embarrassing post, but you know what? F*ck it. After reading an ARC of Smash It! (review post coming soon), I want to be more fearless in my own life and less afraid to do anything and so, here we go. I wanted to write this because I thought it would be fun and good for a laugh. So, here it is. Whether you like it or not, this post for me and I enjoyed writing and compiling every entry. Bam. Enjoy.

Jas Singh, Girl Gone Viral

Come on, like, I was already crushing on him *before* he even professed his feelings for his boss Katrina. There was a definite vibe between the two and sparks and chemistry aplenty. Within 37 pages of the book, I was already hardcore shipping Jas and Kat together, before they even professed their feelings to each other! But, they’ve been pining over each other for years (and his abs certainly didn’t hurt). Kat wanted the zings when it came to love, and with Jas, she got them, from their deep chats, innocent flirt sessions, and other *ahem* steamy moments.

Read The Book

Connor Markham, American Royals

One of my favorite parts about this book was Princess Beatrice (aka Bea)’s storyline, which heavily involved our next Book BF. While Beatrice needed a blue-blooded man to sit beside her on the throne one day, she can’t help but ignore her feelings for former friend slash crush Connor, who also happens to be her personal bodyguard. Meaning, he always just wants to see her happy and safe. I mean, come on! Like, when he proposed to Bea (not the queen-to-be, but the girl he crushed on back at school) with just a Sharpie drawing because he couldn’t afford a giant rock? I wept. Money can’t buy you love and he proves that tenfold.

While they had to keep their relationship trysts on the DL because he’s her bodyguard, what they did share was romantic and cute as hell. I just can’t wait for the sequel Majesty to drop this fall just to get more Bea+Connor swoon-worthy content.

Read The Book

Ben Mackenzie, Meet You In the Middle

Geez, where do I find a Ben Mackenzie that treats me like his own Kate IRL? Like, gah perfection. I mean, I may act like an ice queen to protect myself from getting hurt, but even I know that, damn, deep down I’m such a romantic Pisces girl, who’s just wanting and yearning for true love to be real and just so full of hope that someone can think you, quirks and all, is perfect.

I’ve since read my ARC of this book at least three times and swoon over him every time. Sure, like Kate, Ben and I fall on opposite political ends, but he proves how compatible the two are in so many other ways regardless and how much he’s willing to support her no matter what. Plus, he’s more excited for her own victories than his own, which is just so precious. Sure, they have physical chemistry and all that jazz, but they also have banter and wit, and that in itself is like dream guy material.

Read The Book

Jay Shah, The Trouble With Hating You

Jay is absolutely head over heels with Liya, truly accepting and supporting her for who she is. By the time they admit their feelings for one another, the romance feels justified and earned. Even when Liya tries to push him away, he still sticks by her because he cares so deeply about her. Hell, he’ll even move away from his family if it means they’ll be together. Gah, it’s authentic yet sweeping, and is a Jay too much to ask for IRL??

Read The Book

Alex Rouvalis, Four Days of You and Me

It’s the classic ‘popular boy is a jerk to a girl, but that’s only because he likes her’ trope, but as we get to know Alex better, we see he’s more than just a pretty-boy jock. Regardless of where he and Lulu stand personally, he always does what it takes to make her happy, from planting a garden, skipping school trips, risking injury, even if he gets in trouble, because his consuming love for her is worth it. They just have such a strong connection that can’t be broken.

Read The Book

Derek Darcy, The Wrong Mr. Darcy

Derek may seem like the stereotypical rich professional athlete, but actually, he has so much heart in this novel. Just look at the storm scene, and everything he risks to help Hara and her new friend get to safety when things looked fatal and really bad. Then, he was willing to confront the basketball team owner over his misdeeds to help protect Hara and her family. He’s such a stand-up guy with the best heart around. I mean, I guess he is a Darcy after all.

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Nicholas Rose, You Deserve Each Other

While, at first, we as readers are poised to dislike Naomi’s Prince Charming-esque fiancé Nick, once their battle of wits heats up and their walls tumble back down, they re-warm to each other as accomplices, BFFs, and lovers to become even stronger. Soon, we discover the lengths he’s gone to save them, the real them; not the society couple they are supposed to be. From the cabin, the little notes, and teaming up against his controlling mother, it’s so clear they are meant to be. And that’s why he makes this list because his authentic self loves hers. They have to fight for their love and he doesn’t ever give up, because he knows the real Naomi is his person. To have someone fight for you when you’ve all but given up hope? Gah.

Ryan Nicholson, Head Over Heels

First, Avery’s childhood crush offers her a job and friendship once she moves back home following a traumatic breakup. So, they start to work together as gymnastic coaches. And I’m not kidding because, within ninety pages, I’m sitting here squealing over the prospect of them becoming the hottest new couple and co-coaches ever. I’m definitely getting ahead of myself, but that’s because you want to root for these characters. Soon enough, the sparks start flying. It’s never that easy when a massive scandal rocks the gymnastics world and could threaten to pull them apart. But, of course, he believes her and supports her.

Read The Book

Prince Nicholas, The Royal We

He’s definitely a favorite book boyfriend, first off, because he’s basically Prince William but fictionalized. Then, once he and Bex give into their crazy chemistry and connection, all bets are off. Even when they are apart, he cannot stop thinking about her. Ugh, and like the whole British Prince + American Commoner trope is just straight out of a fairytale, even before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle started dating.

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Fitzwilliam Darcy, Eligible

Another Darcy? So, obviously, he needs to be on here. While he and Liz don’t exactly get off on the best foot, soon enough their banter translates into crazy, unexplainable chemistry. Even when Chip reveals himself to be the real jerk, it is Darcy who shines as the man who really cares for her and her family. It just goes to prove that first impressions are rarely as they seem.

Read The Book

Bo Larson, Dumplin

Seriously, he has to be one of my top book boyfriends, like ever. Sure, Luke Benward does a great job portraying him in the Netflix film, but there was a lot to his backstory that was excluded. And that was the best part and why I took a liking to him so much. You think he’s some stuck-up private school kid and athlete, but actually he’s there on scholarship, dirt-poor, a great big brother, and a helpful son. That, and he likes Willowdean as she is, without even a care that she doesn’t have a typical Barbie-girl physique. He’s honest and lays his heart on the line to her and he’s legit one of the best YA romantic love interests I’ve ever read about.

Read The Book

Oliver, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight

I think I have a British boy infatuation problem? Oops. Anyway, ever since I first read this YA book back when YA was age-appropriate for me in technicality, I loved it in part to how sweet Oliver was to our heroine. He was heroic and charming, but still vulnerable and grounded, and just sought to be with her and be present in the moment. I mean, how many times did I secretly wish I was seated next to a handsome suitor on a flight?? Countless. How many times has it happened? A big fat ZERO, zilch, nada. So, I’ll live vicariously through these two.

Read The Book

Adam Martinez, By the Book

While this story picks up some 20-odd years later, their relationship actually began while college students. Adam and Anne spent so much time together, he met her family and her college mentor, and then gave her the most incredible literary proposal of all time. Then, he does it a second time! He builds her a dream library, aims to do whatever it takes to make her happy and I just *sigh.*

Read The Book

Nick Young, Crazy Rich Asians and China Rich Girlfriend

Of course, you can’t think of the best book boyfriends without thinking of the doting, handsome, intelligent, and family-orientated Nick Young. Sure, the movie definitely makes him even more lovable, but I’m focused on him as a love interest in the books. Even by the end of the first book, when they aren’t even together, he still wants to do what is right by here, give her the time she needs to wrap her head around her own life and goals before giving her all in a relationship. He lets her do exactly that at her own pace, no rush. And seriously that book proposal in the second book from the trilogy blows the movie’s airplane proposal out of the water, because it’s so sweeping and romantic, and I’m gonna swoon. I mean, the movie viewers are definitely robbed of seeing that incredibly romantic scene play out in the sequel film. I’m fine, it’s not like I’m bitter or anything, whatever.

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Alex Claremont-Diaz & Prince Henry, Red, White, & Royal Blue

They both make the list because they are both wonderful love interests. What starts off as a fake friendship turned real friendship to real love is every bit as authentic, genuine, and cute as imagined. They see each other as more than just the supersized public personas from the tabloids and get to know the charming and honest men underneath. And I mean, the fact that one’s a royal prince certainly doesn’t hurt.

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Josh, Younger

He proves that age, et cetera, doesn’t matter when it comes to love and two souls that belong together. I loved how sweet and caring he was in the book and on the show, and what more could a girl want? He’s perfect, I’ll even make an exception for the tattoos. OK, I can’t help it: the book made it so easy for me to be a #TeamJosh supporter, especially since the novel has no Charles. But in her follow-up Older, I definitely swayed a bit more towards Team Hugo. Hey, it’s where Liza is out now, some five years later since the first book.

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Eli Stock, Along for the Ride

Honestly, he was one of my first book crushes once I started diving into the world of YA. (Thank you, Sarah Dessen.) Sure, he’s mysterious and a loner, but he’s someone Auden can count on and open up to. Oh, and he’s good with babies too. He helps her embrace her fears and to see the world in new ways. They help each other grow and if that’s not real love, then IDK what is.

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Oliver Blackwood, Boyfriend Material

He’s not just the perfect fake boyfriend in this book, he’s pretty much the perfect boyfriend in general. He has banter, is nice and normal with a good job and a good fashion sense. Also, he’s a vegetarian because of his strong ethical code and he’s never had a scandal in his life. Seriously, that’s boyfriend material. Hence, the book title. It’s just precious as can be to see Oliver’s adorableness as the world’s most perfect boyfriend. It’s just like so much perfection. But, you’ll learn that he’s actually not perfect, and between him and Luc, they make each other better, and it’s even sweeter and cuter.

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Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars

OK, I’m pretty sure Gus here is like the OG Book Boyfriend from any YA novel. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, he just is. Everything about him and who he is as a survivor is just so strong and kind, and I can’t help but melt every time I read the book (or watch the movie). He helps Hazel Grace cope with her own diagnosis, help her fulfill her dream with a romantic trip to Amsterdam, and helps her meet her favorite author. Plus, their flirty “okay” text conversations still gives me goosebumps.

Read The Book

Well, maybe I’ll never find my ultimate, perfect prince in real life, but at least I know him in my imagination through these books. Hey, it’s something right?

My Immediate Reactions After Watching Netflix’s ‘Too Hot to Handle’ Series

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One thing y’all know about me is that I’m a sucker for a good reality TV show, and the trashier the better. It’s a guilty pleasure, I’m not even guilty about. Upon seeing the trailer for Netflix’s latest foray into the dating reality TV game, Too Hot to Handle, it immediately looked bad — but in a way that I definitely needed to watch. And so I did. Oh boy, did I. And, um, it was A LOT. But instead of recapping what y’all missed, I thought I’d give my unfiltered and unapologetically honest first impressions and opinions of this series. Because, hey, it’s what I do and what I like.

First off, here’s the official trailer of the new show, from the streaming service that brought you Love is Blind.

So, keep reading for a list of all my random musings and thoughts I had while watching this trashy dating show starring beautiful people, places, and accents. I watched it so you don’t have to, and here’s what happened.

  1. Slow-mo beach/pool shots of beautiful people in swimsuits, OK, this is just like Love Island.
  2. They found “the hottest, horniest, commit-phobic swipesters,” like this is a real quote from the narrator.
  3. The resort is essentially run by a Siri or Alexa-type called Lana. Lana quietly and secretly gathers intel on the guests without their knowledge, how creepy.
  4. Essex girl Chloe is like every girl I’ve ever seen in all six seasons of Love Island.
  5. The are all like 20 years old; babies! Basically, there’s an air of immaturity around the lot.
  6. Sharron openly admitted that he’s most proud of his manhood, which, um, is the size of an air freshener. Which like, ew, we didn’t want to know that. (Hey, it’s been four minutes! Geez!)
  7. I can already tell Haley is going to be annoying: She has a tattoo in another language that she doesn’t know what it means and can’t stop doing her sorority chant. Just please stop.
  8. Within 5 minutes, I already can tell it is a pure dumpster fire. Like it’s so bad, but I just can’t look away.
  9. OK but seriously, Love Island and the entire Bachelor franchise both look classier than this. Which is saying a lot because people are making out and hooking up in like every episode.
  10. Did Harry just call the girls quesadillas? Like the food? Um. And then naughty possums? Creep alert.
  11. Most of them are models and influencers, of course. One dude (the Jesus lookalike) was even on America’s Next Top Model once upon a time, like obviously none of them are here for the right reasons.
  12. It’s just so ridiculous, but I just can’t look away.
  13. David walks into bars, whips his top off, and that works for him? I’d give him serious side-eye, like what the heck, that’s so unsanitary.
  14. OK Haley doesn’t know were Australia is. Like, I just. And yet, she’s in college??
  15. This show is rapidly decreasing my interest in dating as it continues to prove that men are The Worst and just trash even more. This song just gets me right now.
  16. One thing that really, really bugs me is that the lower thirds are inconsistent. It bothers me. For the US contestants, it says the state and USA, but international kids get their city and country code. For example, “Colorado, USA” or “New Jersey, USA” are not in the same style as “Essex, UK” or “Cork, Ireland.” Like, Colorado and New Jersey are states, and Essex and Cork are cities not states.
  17. There’s no way “Kelz” is his given name. Come on, please gimme a backstory and the real information.
  18. Harry is awful and not even the least bit cute. Like, how is he a hot commodity? Surely, it’s just the accent??
  19. This show is over the top and trash, but I can’t stop watching. OK, I’m in it and invested completely, just like the streaming service’s The Circle.
  20. Even the bedroom decor looks like it was inspired by Love Island meets the beachy vibes and palapas of Bachelor in Paradise.
  21. I cannot stand Francesca and Haley. These two girls are fake fake fake and snooty bullies and I do not like watching them on my TV screen.
  22. Real question: Considering this is an international show, how would these potential intercontinental relationships work on the outside? Like, I need follow-ups.
  23. Seriously, point deductions already? Can’t you keep it in your pants? You just met and there’s a cash prize on the line.
  24. How did the casting team find these people? They are all the absolute worst.
  25. Can’t touch, can’t kiss? Huh, seems like good practice for quarantine. Welcome to our new world!
  26. It’s truly mind-boggling, like, I just cannot.
  27. Rhonda’s nails are like talons. How is that comfortable?
  28. I swear, David’s only move seems to be applying sunscreen to girls. Like, no, please don’t touch me, we just met.
  29. The boys are flirting with Lana, who is a computer. Like, quite childish?
  30. Matthew and David don’t know a single man that’s gone a month without sexual practices? Um, welcome to quarantine life as singles, hun. LOL.
  31. Chloe is funny and my instant favorite. “Think of your nan” is my new favorite quote from one of these shows. Hahahaha.
  32. Like how is this hard? Girls, just avoid the temptation: don’t shave your legs, don’t put on makeup, cover up your bikinis. You have all the tools, use it. When there’s a giant sum of money on the line, wouldn’t it be worth it?
  33. This lot cannot even go two 12 minutes without breaking the rules. Like seriously?
  34. With each kiss worth $3,000 each, surely they are going to wind up with like $50 each??
  35. Ok, I keep forgetting that Nicole is there. Oof, girl does nothing. #freeholiday #unproblematic
  36. Ick, Harry is the worst. Why is he lying and pinning it all on Francesca. Boy, you’re canceled.
  37. Haley and Francesca must not be worried about money or financial obligations if they decide to break the rules out of revenge to intentionally drag the pot down without a care in the world. Like how selfish and immature are you?
  38. I’m watching these humans tie each other up. Oy, what is TV anymore?
  39. Sharron was so happy the truth came out that he and Rhonda didn’t break the rules that he says he “feels like OJ.” Um yea, I don’t know if I’d go down that route, yikes.
  40. LOLOL, Bryce joining the crew as a late arrival with no knowledge, then finding out immediately from the rest of the participants, oh it’s a priceless look.
  41. Lana reading out an itemized bill of infractions to the group is so savage.
  42. Poor Chloe, she keeps wasting money on kisses with boys whom she doesn’t fancy. Poor girl.
  43. Boys are learning to be vulnerable by covering each other in mud? Ummmm ok? Oh and then running across the garden with wooden spears? A weird version of Braveheart or something that I didn’t expect.
  44. Why is Bryce sleeping on the floor? Like, hun, you could share a bed with a friend, make a pillow wall, sleep on the couch in the living room or the outdoor bed. Why the floor?
  45. Banter! Banter! Banter! I like a bit of banter myself (it’s the Anglophile in me) but like no one has it? They just keep saying that’s what they like???
  46. Ooh poor David, he is so sunburnt. Yikes, that’s got to majorly hurt.
  47. Like Harry and Francesca, are you the least bit remorseful about costing the group $20,000? A bit selfish, huh?
  48. The girls take part in an empowerment workshop. Great, love it, we stan women being strong and independent. But, doing so by um taking a mirror up to their *ahem* yoni and then painting an artistic portrait of it? Yea, it’s a lot. Not even Love Island has gone there!
  49. Wait, Rhonda has a son? And she waited until the penultimate episode to reveal it to anyone? Like, wouldn’t you mention that in your voiceover? To your boyfriend? Someone, anyone?
  50. Oh, so y’all are putting faith in the couple who’s lost more than $30,000 to not touch at all for a whole night in the private suite. Oy. But seriously, you better stay six feet apart. Hey, it’s good quarantine practice.
  51. I get for suspense they wanted it to seem like one couple or whatnot would get the final prize, but it was obvious based on how the whole show was set up that everyone would get a piece of the fund. And Francesca’s smug face when it was just her and her beau standing, ugh. So selfish and snooty. Nope. Then, her face when Sharron was next to stand up and then, everyone else? Like, huh, karma hun, that’s what you get for being so mean-spirited and arrogant.
  52. This was filmed a year ago. How many of them are still together? (Or at least attempted to last outside the resort.) Come on, Netflix, gimme the tea and a reunion like now.

Wow, that was truly trash and sleazy. But like, wow, it’s addictive.